the week of the potty

This has been the week of the potty. It had to happen. No more waiting.

I have a bowl of m&m's, and they seem to be working.

she walks in. sits on potty. her face lights up.

she exclaims. "I heard it!"

and there you have it. 

we also had spaghetti for lunch. in case you were wondering.

nite, all.

merry, merry

I actually managed to send out some Christmas Cards this year. First time ever! Which is hilarious, because life has never felt so crazy.

I have managed to collect my inner self the last couple of days. It's been like saying hello to an old friend. Giving her a big hug. Telling her its been way too long. 

This has been so hopeful for me, like a gentle reminder that I'll get back on track. We took a major detour on some crazy road, and now we are back on level ground.

This happened once to my sister and I trying to find our cabin on a back way into town. We ended up on the top of some mountain on a dirt road, and I was pretty sure I was going to die. But then, we found our way back and saw a Mcdonald's and all was right in the world. The funny thing, is if we had not been so scared, we would have realized we were about 1 minute from being there.

My inner self, it's been close, too- and I suppose that has what kept me sane.

So, this Christmas was a hard one. I went the entire holidays without seeing my family (except my mom, who came to visit!).

None of my dad's french toast. No Christmas Story playing in the background. None of my grandmother's striped chocolate cake (pronounced STRIPE-ED). No Annie and Addison laughs. No all day pajama days and nuway hotdog runs.

can you hear the violins?

I am thankful, though, to see the sun start to peek in again. I am thankful for Josh's family whom we have felt such comfort and care from.

I am thankful.

birthday

well, thanks to my dear friend Shelley at work, I made the yummiest chocolate cake ever! It didn't taste as good as hers, but that didn't stop me from eating half of it! ok, maybe a third?

and why, you ask?

Annie turned 3!

We had a great day with friends and family. Annie was a delight, and all felt right.

until everyone left, and a major meltdown ensued.

life with a three year old.

I know that I sound like a broken record on here many times- but life for me right now is such a mixed bag of delight and exhaustion sometimes. I remember my old pastor talking about this. These rare moments of peace, when you think- this is how I imagined it. This is how things are supposed to be. I am glad we get to experience that- or I suppose enduring the chaos would be unbearable at times.

which makes me think of the word shalom.

and how thankful I am words like that exist.

I don't even know

My sweet mom arrives today. We have joked that since our move here, every visit has been centered around something dramatic. Her, coming to rescue me or josh- or coming for a "holiday", which 2 of the past 3 have involved me being baby sick- which basically is like hanging out with someone with the flu. how fun!

so, once again she arrives in the midst of drama, but at least this time its not me! Gah- she might just get a trip to TJ MAXX out of me this time. For those who don't know my mother, this is a very sacred event. TJ Maxx must be visited in every city that she visits. It's like Santa's workshop. So many pretty things, so cheap! I kid, but she does LOVE some TJ MAXX, and in my older and broke years, I can appreciate that in a person.

Unrelated to my mother, Advent has once again been something I hear about and not practiced. I had such high hopes this year before that blasted tumor entered our lives, but it's ok, we are practicing the waiting even if not in a formal way. My mind and heart feel so scattered. I have moments where I think- we need to helping to make clean water in Africa. or we should be sponsoring a child.  or maybe, if I could just read some scripture for like 5 minutes a day. 

but then I put those two little munchkins to bed, and all I can think about is being still, because I know tomorrow is the same gig.

and it's ok.

lordy

ok, I told someone that my husband had surgery a month ago.

I am obviously in a time warp.

Monday will be 3 weeks.

He is doing great.

I am totally wiped out from the single-ish parenting gig. but I am so thankful. really, I am. aren't you convinced?


seriously I am! I AM SO THANKFUL!


ok. back to normal font.

So, in the last week. Amelia is pulling up. cruising. drinking all of her milk from SIPPY cups.

did you read that. NO BOTTLES PEOPLE.


I have now graduated my infant swing, bumbo seat, and BOTTLES.

and lord, she's eating gold fish crackers. smacking them like a granny with those toothless gums.

what happened to my baby girl?

And Annie- well next week it's her BIRTHDAY! She is SO excited. And all that girl wants is "chock-it cake!"

Annie beats to  her own drum. She refuses to sing real songs, with real words. No, they have to be her songs, with her own "words". It's cute. I can't understand them, but it's cute.

She is a woman of passion and quietness- it's a fun combo to watch. She loves to hug, and she always shows concern for those around her. She also knows how to dramatically fling her body to the ground and scream bloody murder. I am really fond of this. Especially in church parking lots, elevators, dr's offices, etc...

All in all, life is good and hard. There are moments when there is so much peace and contentment, and there are other moments when really I just want relief from it all.

but really, I know my pockets are deep with gifts from these children of mine.

busy girl

this girl is almost 10 months old! and she is BUSY! she is crawling and talking babble like crazy. She is funny mix of laid back and feisty! And this girl can eat us all out of the kitchen.

millie moo. we love you.

twine ball: just write

just write

I do not handle adversity well. I get mad at it, actually.

I mean, I can write pretty and poetic about it. but really, I am just plain bad at it.

really, it annoys me that I am a single parent right now. My dear husband just had a tumor cut out of him, and last week I was hanging on for dear life- and this week, I am like- really, I have to take the trash out?


not to mention the gazillion times I got out of bed last night with amelia.
I mean, really, I could write this entire blog post in italics because I am just being that ridiculous.


But I dig deep and find the mercy and try to hold on to that. I forgive myself- because I depend on the fact I am indeed forgiven.

I don't know what happened when I turned 30, but no one told me that the unraveling starts there. that slow untwisting of the twine. And if the unraveling weren't threatening enough, you actually drop the twine and it unrolls across the kitchen floor. You spend the next 5 minutes rolling that ball up again.

I guess that's what I am doing. Getting my twine in order. after an epic unraveling last week.
I am here sitting on my kitchen floor, making a twine ball.

this is free writing, in case I lost you on the whole twine ball thing.

anyway. I would rather be doing something else. something easy.

My 20's were spent with glorious notions of a life I only dreamed about. they were awesome.

dreams are good. I still have a few.

But My 30's have taught me the real lessons.

loss. fragility. compassion. empathy. love. vulnerability.

I am still bad at adversity. I hope next time I stare it in the face, I will not be so cowardly.

I hope I will hear God better. You know, like the way he always had to hound Israel.

"remember when? remember this. and remember that? that was because I loved you." (the brooke jared abbreviated version)


but for now. I have two words for you.


twine ball.

what a difference a week makes

 My house is so quiet right now I can hear the bubbles fizzing in my diet dr. pepper can. The kiddos are josh's parents until tomorrow. I've been helping Josh along at home, though I am happy to report to you that he is doing fantastic.

I still feel a bit stunned by the emotional drama of the past two weeks. It is not an easy thing to be given a list of possible scenarios, only one of which was desirable. I had moments where I thought things would be ok, but then- as I feel like I have mentioned, the air would just get knocked out of me. and then tears.

I know for certain that I was only held up (and Josh, too), by your prayers.

I wanted to share a little bit about Josh's surgeon. He is very good. I had worked with him some when I worked in surgery, and I knew that he was the one who needed to operate on Josh. He is not a warm and fuzzy guy, but he is kind enough, and professional, with a bearable ego.

The day after Josh's surgery, Dr. H went and spoke with Josh. (Josh was in too much pain the day before). He told Josh that he prayed before his surgery, and was blown away at how easy the tumor was to resect. He told Josh that the way his tumor presented and was able to be removed was "a blessing from God".

I appreciate that in a surgeon. He, and we, knew this could have been much different.

We have much to be thankful for. If you prayed for us, please know we are forever in your debt.

Happy Thanksgiving.
Brooke

a thousand seconds: just write

* written for just write.

longest week of my life.

every sentence he uttered would trail off into a thousand seconds.

"is that the last time I will hear him like this, again?....Will it all be different? Is life as we know it changing this fast? I'm not ready. I'm not strong enough. I don't want this life without him."


tumor. spine. probably benign. may not be. life changing surgery. neuro deficits. chemo. radiation.

these were the things we were told.

I functioned. I changed the poopy diapers. I cried on my spin bike. I drank a lot of coffee. I burst into tears in the middle of a delivery at work.

it comes, and goes. the grief of the unknown.

I sit here, in this ICU room.

he can barely move. it hurts like hell. I see this.

and he's ok. he is totally ok.

that tumor in a jar somewhere. the haunting, gone.

I know. I know. I am lucky. We are lucky. spared.

The Lord had mercy.

The Lord had mercy.

The Lord had mercy.

grateful

I wish I could say that I handled this week with grace and unwavering faith, but I cannot.

I was scared, sad, speechless, at times gasping for any kind of air to fill my lungs.

I desperately wanted to believe that we would be ok, but I struggled to believe it.

We asked everyone to pray for specific things, and they all were answered. Today, the surgeon was able to remove Josh's entire spinal tumor. The pathology was benign. And Josh seems to be neurologically fine.

I am still kind of in a state of shock.

So, I am sitting here in the dark of the neuro intensive care unit. Josh is doped up on some serious pain meds, and I am humbled by the gift we were given today.

Thank you for praying for Josh.

almost there

I can safely say this has been the hardest week of my life. I don't feel overly dramatic here, and I am prone to drama. But the scenarios, worry, and concern that having been swirling around in my heart have been unbearable at times. And then, out of the blue, a sense of calm will come over me. The worry will cease, and life seems almost normal for that moment.

I guess more than anything I wanted to thank everyone for their words, comments, emails, and prayers. We have felt them. I am certain it is the only thing that has kept me from being buried under a mound of pillows this week.

I wanted to share some encouraging things this week, just the small ways that God has given us encouragement.

- this surgery lands at the beginning of two big breaks for Josh. If all goes well, Josh essentially misses two weeks of school, which is mostly semester review and finals.
-One of josh's good friends from Birmingham has had a laminectomy in recent years and was an encouragement to Josh.
- One of Josh's coworkers has a husband who just recently (like a few weeks ago), also had a laminectomy. He is doing well at home.
-Josh's nurse for his pre-admission testing shared with him how her mother had a spinal tumor removed and was doing great and pain-free.
- One of my coworkers also shared of a family member who had a spinal cord tumor removed last year, and is doing well.
***we've gone our whole lives never hearing of this and to have 2 people share their experience is wonderful.
- December is a 3 paycheck month for me! This is encouraging, because I am essentially taking the next two weeks off without pay. I used up all of my vacation time having Amelia this year- so again, if all goes as planned, then this month should look fairly "normal" for us.

I suppose the biggest encouragement to me is seeing Josh be so brave. He has had a difficult week, too, but he has seemed so calm and at peace the last couple of days. It helps me stay focused.

Pray for us this weekend, as we clean and get organized for the week to come.

Also pray for Mille and me- Were are going on two straight weeks of an EPIC cold. The amount of snot my body has produced is truly note worthy:) This isn't helping matters, and we all need to be well this week.

keep praying.

Brooke

some news

This is more of an informational post than anything.

I'm going to keep it brief, because I am way too emotional right now and there is no way to keep that from bleeding into a long post.

We found out Friday that Josh has a spinal tumor in the L1 portion of his spine. This is the lowest part of the spine.

Josh has had back pain for about a year, and through some follow-up appt's, had an MRI about a month ago. We were told it was a spinal cyst, that it needed attention, but not to be alarmed.

Well, it's not a cyst, it's a fairly large tumor. However, the dr. DOES think he can remove it entirely and he DOES think it most likely benign.

this is good news.

So, Josh is having surgery on Nov 21.

We are praying for:
- complete removal/ and benign
- no/minimal neuro deficits
- no infection

I don't think I will be posting much until we are on the other side of this surgery. As you can imagine, we are shaken, but not beat down. (although, I certainly feel like it at some moments)

Josh is doing great and is being strong and brave. I am probably not doing much to bolster his confidence with my incessant crying. I bawled throughout my entire spin cycle workout this morning, just to give you an idea of my emotional state.

Josh has had to weather some scary stuff with me. When Annie was barely alive at birth and I was unconscious- he had the scariest decision he had ever faced. Do I stay- or go the with new baby? He went with Annie, because that is what you do- but that was not easy.

This is not easy, either.

I have never been one to memorize lots of scripture. I always felt the Bible read more like a story, and to take it apart out of its context, I don't know, It took some of the beauty out of it for me.

However, I did memorize Psalm 139 when I was in college, because it is just so beautiful, and reads like it was written by angels.

Last night, when I was in bed, I can't explain it, but  those words just flooded over me, like they were being sung to me by angels.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

   Or where shall I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

⁹If I take the wings of the morning

   and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

¹⁰even there your hand shall lead me,

   and your right hand shall hold me.

¹¹If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,

   and the light about me be night,"

¹² even the darkness is not dark to you;

   the night is bright as the day,

   for darkness is as light with you.

 ¹³For you formed my inward parts;
   you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.¹⁴I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^[a] Wonderful are your works;
   my soul knows it very well.¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
   intricately woven in the depths of the earth.¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
   the days that were formed for me,
   when as yet there was none of them.

thank you in advance for your prayers. I promise to update when we are on the other side of this surgery.

on the eve of entering in.

it's not but two weeks away, and we'll be totally engulfed by the holiday madness. I feel myself tense up inside.

I want to love it. feast in the season of waiting and then giving.

I want it to be like a story book.

I want to not worry about who wants what, but give with thoughtfulness and love. and gratitude.

I want to say- you matter. So I thought you might enjoy this.

I work at this every year- but the last few have felt so overwhelmed with life.

In 2008, I had a 10 day old. Who came with much drama. I bought no one, anything. I was barely coherent.

In 2009, We traveled home to Georgia. It was better, I was definitely feeling more like myself, I had started a wonderful new job.

The day after Christmas, Annie started losing her hair. Everything else is fuzzy.

In 2010, I had a two year old, and I was 7/8 months pregnant with Amelia. I was still daily throwing up, like it was my favorite past time. The year had taken its toll.

I was in no mood to feast.

In 2011, I am praying for little drama, and more life, wonder, and hope.

Annie has gotten that glimmer in her eye- the one that loves make believe, and surprises, and birthday cake. I love this age (minus the tantrums).

Amelia just giggles at it all. and well, I have much to be grateful for.

so much.

So, I wait for it and hope I don't miss it all for fear of getting lost in it.

I get so overwhelmed at what I can't do, you know.

and then I get equally overwhelmed with what I CAN.

I am reminded of Mother Theresa.

If you can't feed 100. Feed one.

I hope, among our feasting, that we will live this reality of generosity. That we will see this season as an chance to feed one.

I know I drifted off there. ( I have that whole "I was hungry and you didn't feed me" thing on my mind lately.)

It relates.

Anyway, I am pretty sure  that ended up sounding like a Hallmark card.

oh well.

terra ferme: just write.

*written in linkage with just write!

My experience of our recent earthquake was something akin to the Madeline story that I read to Annie.

"In the middle of one night, Miss Clavell turned on the light and said "something is NOT RIGHT!....

And afraid of disaster, Miss Clavell ran FAST and FASTER!"

So yes, the other night night, as I lay in what can only be described as a nyquil induced coma, I heard something roar like a lion, and before I could sit straight up in bed, and I do mean STRAIGHT UP, the house started shaking. like crazy shaking. Josh and I darted in some sleep crazed sprint to each of the girls' bedrooms. I found Annie on her knees with a big grin on her face.

I exclaim, " are you ok???" (house still shaking).

Annie says, " I, ok!"

I lay her down, realizing I have no idea what is really happening. Am I in a nyquil dream? Can I press rewind? I think I am shaking. I look at my hands, I am. 

My heart is shaking too. I walk my shaky legs back to my bed. My eyes hurt.

I look at Josh. 

"that was crazy."

and then I did what any post-earthquake victim would and should do.

Must. write. witty. Facebook. update. 

I am thinking, this thing needs to get documented.

So, me and every other Tulsan, jumped on their smart devices and exclaimed in sleep crazed post-earthquaked words that they hath been shaken.

It seemed that as quickly as the earth rolled under me, it stood still and silent again.

So, having properly documented this historic event, I remembered how sick I actually was,

and I closed my eyes.

I woke up thankful, because though the earth rolling underneath you for the first time feels quite profound, we were left un-cracked, so to speak- but such an event gives one a healthy respect for how quickly life can change. The earth and its rumbles have a way of squaring you up with the Creator of All.

I am small. and things change fast. I am always at the mercy of God's grand mysteries.

They come quietly, and sometimes violently. and I don't claim to understand them at all.

Sometimes they make you marvel and gaze in wonder.

Sometimes they make you weep, and only utter the words. 

"Lord, come quickly."

This morning, I live in the vast space of those two extremes. The rain falls,  life is quiet, minus a few runny noses. We are lucky to live in such a space, this I know for sure. I remind myself to savor, because I know, I know, that the grass withers and the flowers fall. eventually.

our lives ebb and flow in between these great mysteries. these great extremes.

and so we wait, as only we can do. and find rest where God has given his quietness.

Just write: when all the wells run dry.

written in participation with "just write"- mash HERE.

I don't even know what that title means, but it's a free writing exercise, and that's what life feels like most days.

like the well, just might run dry.

but then sleep churns up water from the deep, and it's 6am, coffee cup in hand.

I'm awake. alive. breathing.

I dropped Annie off at school this morning, and the little one and I went shopping.


I avoided every mirror that I could, because I had no make-up on. I thought I was pulling off that "messy- cute" look, but one glance in the mirror at the GAP, and well- I was starting to feel more afraid that I might be ambushed for some mommy- makeover.

I thought for a few seconds that I might spend some money on looking trendy, but I don't really have enough money to pull that off.

I'll go classic.

classic always works, right?

 I sure hope classic is three long sleeve t-shirts for 12.00 each, because, that's what I bought.

I then found my way over the jewelry section of Dillards.

I shall bling things up a bit, I thought. You know, dress those little t-shirts up.

I found some of those long droopy pearls- you know, the ones you can tie in a knot, or wrap around your head a few times.

I thought about it for a long time. decided I needed them, and then looked at the price tag.

68.00

what the hell?

I am clearly not grounded in fashion reality.

These are fake, right?

My mind immediately reminds me of why I always shop at Target.

My wells (and pockets) are too dry for all this fashion mumbo jumbo.

So I went home, put on some make-up, and played with my little person.

My wells may run dry, but that is ok.

they are (hopefully) making beautiful human beings.

my wells may run dry.

but my cup runneth over.

the mass

For some of you who are tagging along on this Catholic path with us, I am posting the order of Mass below. I cannot express to you how rich it has been to feed myself on these words every week. 

It is a banquet of words for my soul.

And not to be this or that, but in all sincerity, please note the central theme and worship of Christ in the Mass. The number one question I get about all of this is the issue of "mary" worship. If you read this, you can put your heart at ease, and be utterly overwhelmed by the honor and worship given to Christ alone.

The order of Mass

Entrance Procession

People stand up, the priest goes to the Altar.

Entrance hymn may be sung.

(All stand up)

Greeting

(Priest) In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit

(Congregation) Amen.

The Grace and Peace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

And also with you.

Penitential Act

My brothers and sisters, to prepare ourselves to celebrate the Sacred Mysteries, let us call to mind our sins:

I confess to Almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters that I have sinned through my own fault in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do; and I ask the Blessed Mary, ever Virgin, all the angels and saints, and you here present, to pray for me to the Lord our God.

May Almighty God have Mercy on us, forgive us our sins and bring us to everlasting life.

Amen.

Or:

Lord have mercy

Lord have mercy.

Christ have mercy

Christ have mercy.

Lord have mercy

Lord have mercy.

The Gloria

(Hymn of Praise. It may be said or sung )

Glory to God in the Highest,
and Peace to his people on earth.
Lord God, heavenly King,
almighty God and Father,
we worship you, we give you thanks,
we praise you for your Glory.
Lord Jesus Christ, only Son of the Father,
Lord God, lamb of God,
you take away the sin of the world:
have mercy on us;
you are seated at the right hand of the Father,
receive our prayer.
for you alone are the Holy One,
you alone are the Lord,
you alone are the Most High,
Jesus Christ ,
with the Holy Spirit,
in the glory of God the Father. Amen.

Opening prayer

Amen. (All seat down)

Liturgy of the Word

First reading

Reader: This is the Word of the Lord

Thanks be to God.

Second reading

Reader: This is the Word of the Lord

Thanks be to God.

Gospel acclamation 

To be said or sung

(All stand) . . . . . . . . .

Homily

All seated

Profession of Faith

We believe in one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is seen and unseen.
We believe in on Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only Son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten not made,
of one Being with the Father.
Through him all things were made.
For us men and for our salvation
He came down from Heaven (all bow)
by the power of the Holy Spirit
he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,
and was made man.
For our sake he was crucified under Pontious Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven and is seated
at the right hand of the Father.
he will come again in Glory to judge
the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.
We believe in the Holy Spirit,
the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
With the Father and the Son
He is worshipped and glorified.
He has spoken through the prophets.
We believe in one Holy, Catholic and
Apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism
for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come.
Amen.

General Intercessions

At the end of each one:

Lord hear us

Lord, hear our prayer.

Liturgy of the Eucharist

Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this bread to offer, which earth has given and human hands have made. 

It will become for us the bread of life.

Blessed be God forever.

By the mystery of this water and wine may we come to share in the divinity of Christ, who humbled himself to share in our humanity. 

Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this wine to offer, fruit of the vine and work of human hands. 

It will become our spiritual drink.

Blessed be God forever.

(Quiet prayer) Lord God, we ask you to receive us and be pleased with the sacrifice we offer you with humble and contrite hearts.

Washing of the hands

Lord wash away my iniquities, cleanse me from my sins.

Invitation to pray

Pray, brethren, that our sacrifice may be acceptable to God, the almighty Father.

May the Lord accept the sacrifice at your hands, for the praise and glory of his name, for our good, and the good of all his Church.
(All stand up)

Prayer over the gifts

According to the proper of the Mass

Amen.

The Eucharistic Prayer

The Lord be with you

And also with you.

Lift up your hearts

We lift them up to the Lord.

Let us give thanks to the Lord, our God

It is right to give him thanks and praise.

Preface

At the end all sing or say

Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might, heaven and earth are full of your Glory.
Hosanna in the highest.
(All kneel down in adoration)

For acceptance of the offering:

Father, accept this offering from your whole family. Grant us your peace in this life, save us from final damnation, and count us among those you have chosen.

Through Christ our Lord

Amen.

The Consecration: The Lord's Supper

The day before he suffered, he took bread in his sacred hands, and looking up to heaven, to you, his almighty Father, he gave you thanks and praise. 

He broke the bread, gave it to his disciples and said:

Take this, all of you, and eat it:

this is my body which will be given up for you.

When supper was ended, he took the cup. Again he gave the cup to his disciples, and said: 

Take this, all of you, and drink from it:

this is the cup of my blood, 

the blood of the new and everlasting covenant. 

It will be shed for you and for all men

so that sins may be forgiven. 

Do this in memory of me.

Let us proclaim the mystery of faith:

1. Christ has died, Christ is risen,
Christ will come again.

2. Dying you destroyed our death,
rising you restored our life.
Lord Jesus, come in Glory.

3. When we eat this bread and drink this cup, we proclaim your death, Lord Jesus, until you come in Glory.

4. Lord, by your cross and resurrection you have set us free.
You are the Savior of the world.

Memorial of the Paschal Mystery and offering

Father, we celebrate the memory of Christ, your son. We, your people and your ministers, recall his passion, his resurrection from the dead, and his ascension into glory; and from the many gifts you have given us we offer to you, God of Glory and majesty, this holy and perfect sacrifice the bread of life and the cup of eternal salvation.

Look with favor on these offerings and accept them as once you accepted the gifts of your servant Abel, the sacrifice of Abraham, our father in faith, and the bread and wine offered by your priest Melchisedech.

Almighty God, we pray that your angel may take this sacrifice to your altar in heaven. Then as we receive from this altar the sacred body and blood of your Son, let us be filled with every grace and blessing.

Through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Final doxology

Through him, with him, in him, 

in the unity of the Holy Spirit,

all glory and honor is yours

Almighty Father, 

forever and ever.

Amen. (All stand up)

Rite of Communion

Let us pray with confidence to the Father in the word our Savior gave us:

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name; Thy kingdom come:
Thy Will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us peace in our day. 

In your mercy keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

For the Kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and forever.

Lord Jesus Christ, you said to your apostles:

I leave you peace, my peace I give you.

Look not on our sins, but on the faith of your Church, and grant us the peace and unity of your kingdom where you live for ever and ever.

Amen.

The peace of the Lord be with you always.

And also with you.

Let us offer each other the sign of peace.

. . . . . . . .

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world: have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world: have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world: grant us peace.
(All kneel down)

May the mingling of the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, bring eternal life to us who receive it.

Lord Jesus Christ, with faith in your love and mercy, I eat your body and drink your blood. 

let it not bring me condemnation, but health in mind and body.

Holy Communion

This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.

Happy are those who are called to his supper.

Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.

People receive Holy Communion

The body of Christ

Amen.

The blood of Christ

Amen.

After Holy Communion

Let us pray

(All stand up)

Prayer after communion

Amen.

Concluding rite

Announcements and final blessing

The Lord be with you

And also with you.

May almighty God bless you,

The Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

The Mass is ended, go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

Thanks be to God.

wig

Well, I have scoured the internets, and this is what I have come up with:) Let me just tell you, little girl wigs pretty much look awful.  This one is really cute, though. Don't you think? There are way more custom, expensive options out there, but that's not really something we are looking at right now, since we just want this to be a fun thing. If it's something we see she really wants and desires, then we will cross that bridge- but this going to be more in the hat category. If you want to wear it, great! If you don't, even better! 

Let me just tell you, having a bald little girl was not on my radar when I wanted kids. It never even crossed my mind. Josh and I were talking the other night- how we had not created a lot of space to be sad about it together (or even a part). I don't know, there is a warrior buried inside mamas that comes out to fight when then things go the wrong way. I have plenty of sadness about this buried deep. There is not one day that I don't think about this. multiple times a day. 

But I just keep thinking. I need to fight for her. Help her navigate this part of her identity.

One thing, I know. She is beautiful. Inside and out.

Hair never made her either of these things.