a garden of my own

flowers. 

herbs. 

a new place

a friend recently has asked me to talk about life here in Birmingham, our new church, and what that's all like. One thing that I love, and the one thing that keeps me from going mad, is that white people have actually moved their families into the city, into this little neighorhood in Southside, and called it home. I have neighbors that are also in my worshipping community, and i like that. it's important i think. when i was small, we knew everyone on our street. i can still go house by house and tell you who lived there and if i ever ate dinner at their home. it was safe in all the ways home and community are supposed to be, and i have wanted that ever since. southside is a bit more ghetto. i have bars on my windows, and someone recently stole our lawnmower. this is frustrating, and yet expected. but i do have neighbors who care and in some small way are becoming a part of my family.

it is difficult to leave a place you love, and return to a place you liked. st louis was like a dear old grandfather to me. it cared and taught me things i could not know because of my youth. it showed me the fruits of history, and the trail of tears that comes with that. it gave me a great cloud of witnesses...and then said be on your way, feed my sheep.

our little church here is an infant. young in history and demographic. sometimes it feels like the first time my mom let me stay at home by myself. God actually trusts us to do this?

i wish i could say i love everything about this church. i don't. it feels awkward sometimes..like we have a body, but all the parts are disconnected, kind of like when a baby realizes he has toes. they are not sure what to do with them, so they just bite them. it's strange, and this church feels strange...and i suppose i am a part of that strangeness.

so what i am learning is that some things are worth fighting for---even if i feel like i worship where we're all eating our toes instead of walking on them.

i think of annie dillard..."A high school stage play is more polished than this service we have been rehearsing since the year one. In two thousand years, we have not worked out the kinks. We positively glorify them. Week after week we witness the same miracle: that God is so mighty he can stifle his own laughter. Week after week, we witness the same miracle: that God, for reasons unfathomable, refrains from blowing our dancing bear act to smithereens. Week after week Christ washes the disciples' feet, handles their very toes, and repeats; it is all right -- believe it or not -- to be people. Who can believe it?"

going home and coming home

we drove all day. back home, leaving home. home is strange, no matter where it is or was. St. Louis was beautiful this weekend. It was Spring's first appearance there and it felt new and hopeful. We drove to many of our old haunts. We settled in like we never left. I suppose this is where the sadness and strangeness kiss. We are home, but we are not. We are here, but we will not stay.

Josh and I realized this weekend that perhaps what we miss the most is the wisdom we met there. The wisdom of kurt and susan. ted and gladys. bob and sandra. ron and kathy...to name a few. beautiful people, ahead of us on this road of life. examples of hope to come. hope that we can be 50 or 60 or 80 and care about the world and the church and a 30 year old married couple. we are lucky people, and miss their presence.

We missed church this morning to drive back, well, home. I wanted one more piece of wisdom. One more memory of a place I love. one more word to feed my soul.

I was thankful to read this blog when I got home. I got my word.

heading north

Josh and I are heading to St. Louis this weekend for our dear friend Maria's wedding. We are thrilled to be heading back to our last home. If you are around we will be at Meshugga sometime Friday morning. We'll be the ones with big grins and cream cheese bagels.

here comes the sun

the weather has been perfect here the last few days. i have loved and needed it. i could feel the vitiman d making all things new within me. we now have one of those good "suthern" porches with rocking chairs. so nice to sip tea and watch the crazies pass by. josh and i watched a man pass by with a suitcase and lots of bags. he just waved to anyone who would look and spoke something, though not understandable. i love our little neighborhood, but it is...how shall i say....interestin'.

i am shocked by how my accent has returned with such strength....like i never left. josh is becoming quite the southern gent, too. he taught on the civil war this past week and decided that if we ever had a boy, maybe we could name him "bobby lee jared" (a.k.a. robert e. lee)

wierd things happen to people down here.

on another note, you should watch this video of some twins here in town....hysterical.