10 weeks

I made it to 10 weeks!  I had my first prenatal/OB visit today, and it went very well. We saw the baby again (4th ultrasound) and heard it's robust heartbeat for the first time. That was a beautiful sound, though the ultrasound tech was having a hard time recording it because the baby was jumping around so much. It's a pretty amazing thing to watch the baby grow so much from week to week. We've been spoiled with the ultrasounds so far, I am so thankful.

I am feeling somewhat better during the day, though at night it all comes back with a vengeance. 

That's okay, though. I take my breaks where I can get them.

Other than that, things finally slow down this week. I have been doing lots of photography, which has been fun, but I am ready for a little break...

Next week, we plan on being in Tulsa, scouting out the place. I hope it will be more fun than overwhelming. I am more nervous about the car ride than anything- pregnant plus sick plus 10 hours of driving equals....not good.

sigh upon sigh.

Soooo. I need a good book and some good music. Bring on the suggestions!!!!

photoblog

I have lots of slideshows up over here, for those who like such things....

4 years

I married this guy 4 years ago today. Isn't he cute? I think so....

Love you Josh.

whew.

Well, I don't know if I am coping a little better, or if I am turning the corner, but I seem to not dread each coming day and the amount of nausea it might bring.  I have been super busy with photography, which is both good and sad. I've been spreading my photography wings and learning so much, it is disappointing to move from here and start it all over again. I have really enjoyed the way my business has grown, through friends and word of mouth. I always wanted this business to have a storefront feel, although there is no store and no front. But you know, that local, my photographer and  my friend kind of feel.  I have no friends in Tulsa (yet), so it will be a bit more challenging for sure. But it will happen, and it will be fun.

I am feeling less and less inclined to do nursing after the move. Granted, I have worked in one the most stressful work environments for the past ten years- heart surgery. And although I enjoy it, find it challenging, and am proud of the years I have logged there- I am also worn out, tired of stressful situations, long hours, getting called in the middle of the night, and so on. My temptation with nursing has always been the moo-la. I want to make money so I can have more money, because I think that brings me safety and acceptance.

And yet, the happiest, hands down, I have ever been was my time in St. Louis. When I had very little money, and we lived simple, happy lives. There is something to simplicity and the clutter it takes out of your lives. Now, I also know that NOT having money can be just as stressful. I know, I know. I am just saying, there are some things I can HAVE by HAVING less- peace of mind and clarity and time with people and family. I want this more. I was less distraction. I want the TV off and the windows open. I want the Beatles playing, and I want my mind to be engaged in things that bring life.

I have been craving this so much lately.

why i love josh

one of the reasons i love josh, is that you always get a little more than you bargained for. and it's usually funny- albeit a tad cynical...

a conversation from today- (a little background, I take photos of listings for  real estate agents for a little extra cash)

me: I had to drive really far out today in Alabaster to these townhouses. It was so random, you just drive by the hospital and go up this huge hill, and there you have townhomes. It seemed like a strange place for a plot of townhouses.

josh: well, brooke, that's what urban sprawl IS. random. They tear down a bunch a land, build 30 townhomes, turn 20 grand on each, and then name the place "quail run", because it used to be a place where QUAIL would RUN...until they bulldozed it.

me: laughing.  thinking, I should've seen that coming.

so many opinions, that josh. I love him, though. love him to pieces.

disclaimer

it actually might get annoying to hear the play by play of my current pregnancy, so I apologize in advance if this blog becomes a total bore.  It might have already been a total bore, and that's okay too:)

Sooo, today was a success. very little nausea. how did this happen you might ask? I ate almost EVERY HOUR. Seriously, it was ridiculous. But it worked. If I keep doing that, things are not going to be pretty in the weight department. Thankfully (or not), I usually am not home all day and able to eat EVERY HOUR. Maybe God was having mercy on me, as yesterday was horrible. I actually threw up spontaneously twice. I mean, I know that is gross, but it was also funny. One time I was just walking to the laundry room, and there you go. That is just not right. not right at all.

I am also very embarrassed by the kind of things I am eating. Things that I have put in my past. Things like Kraft macaroni and cheese. Yep, breakfast, lunch, and dinner today. gross.

I actually bought Ramen noodles on purpose the other day, too. That was interesting.

Root Beer.  I have a new found love for root beer.

Hopefully my 2nd trimester will bring better nutrition. 

still here.

I just love these beautiful days we are having. I don't feel like doing much, but just getting outside and breathing it all in just feels so good and right. This morning was absolutely perfect. I so wanted to go sit outside at Rojo and enjoy the people and dogs and life walking by- but I just have to dream these days, as none of that is really as enjoyable as imagined. I know that this will be worth it. I know that THIS is what I have longed so much for. 

I miss seeing people though, and church. I get so ill in the evening, I hardly have the fight to push through a night out or worship. So, I miss all you people that I usually see at RMC, I miss the connections I was just beginning to make. I miss me- in a non self absorbed  way- the me that likes long conversations and walks and making new friends.

On another note- we are still trying to sell our house. I am growing ever anxious as to how this will all play out, our move to Tulsa and all. I know it will be okay, but I wish that something would come easy. Dear God, did you hear that, just one easy thing, pretty please?

I guess that's it for now. Back to my zofran taking, popsicle eating, mostly lying flat life. 

But it's worth it. It will be. It will be. It will be:)

so far,

This is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. carrying a baby. I always said that if I ever got pregnant, I would not complain in the slightest about being SICK or being TIREd. I would just handle it with utter thankfulness, like some impregnated saint or something. Well, let me just tell you,  those are the most ridiculous words I have ever uttered. ever.

It is a strange thing to not be able to imagine eating anything, because you feel THAT BAD, and in the next five minutes NEED a cheeseburger. RIGHT THEN.  It is strange to not like chicken. To not want to drink a lovely cup of coffee in the morning. To not want SWEET tea...I get sick just thinking about it. I finally had several meltdowns yesterday. I literally woke up, put my feet on the floor, and started to get sick. Josh came into the still dark kitchen, (because the sun was not up), to my sniffles and me trying to get down 2 saltine crackers. He, although very sweet, kind of thinks this sickness is kind of "cute", like look at sweet Brooke, all sick with our little baby. I guess that is sweet of him to think of it that way. 

And there is the utter exhaustion. It just is what it is, like how you feel when you sleep terribly, except I sleep rather well, and wake up only to feel like I could sleep another day or two. 

We did get to see the baby again yesterday. I didn't have the greatest nurse doing the ultrasound, so it was pretty fast, and she was obviously interested in getting me on my way. But, we did see the heartbeat again, and the baby was so much bigger than last week. So things look good still... The mean nurse also contributed to my second meltdown yesterday. This clinic I have been going to for over a year has MANY MANY nurses- however, I seem to always get this one mean nurse, who never makes eye contact and generally seems like she does not care. In fact, one would think that when you work in an infertility clinic you would offer some congratulations when a patient actually GETS pregnant. The ONLY person at that clinic who has offered congratulations, happiness, etc... is the ultra sound tech, who is a SAINT, and the one person who will be getting a hand written note from me saying Thankyou, for treating me like a human being. 

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

If you even made it this far, God bless you.

So, I wish I had some things to share about how I was growing as a person, and how wonderful everything feels, but honestly, it just feels so difficult right now. I SO want to be happy and dreamy, but mostly I am just plotting my next nap or my next meal.