blizzard

so, we're under a blizzard warning until tomorrow night.

say prayers that

a. baby amelia will stay put.

b. we will somehow manage to keep our power.

c. baby amelia will stay put.

d. no trees would fall on our house. or limbs. or power lines.

e. baby amelia will stay put.

love,

brooke

***besides the thundersleet last night, which was weird, we made it through the BLIZZARD. so far, at least... looks like the worst is over. just pretty, white snow. and lots of it.

thoughts, after the break-in

gosh, I hesitate to even write about this because one of the things stolen from our house two days ago was our laptop, whose browser opens up to my blog. I am sure its been pawned off by now and erased of evidence that it was stolen, but who knows.

so, I've been thinking a lot about money the past few weeks, ironically, as I drove up to our home with my sweet baby Annie, only to find our door beaten in, house ransacked. TV and laptop stolen. By some mercy, my work computer was left behind along with all the pictures I have ever taken of Annie sitting on an external hard drive right next to it. I guess I should thank robber man for that. I do. That would have broken my heart to lose them (the pictures).

But even as the police asked me to look around the house and see what was taken- I was strangely surprised at how little we really had that would be valuable to such a person. Besides my camera and computer- he took the only real things of value- at least monetarily speaking. The rest of the house is filled with things that make a house a home- pictures and curtains, baby monitors and bassinets. kitchen aid mixers and toaster ovens. Much, if not all, of those things given to us from family and friends.

But even with the few things we lost- I found myself immediately grieving on whether or not they would be replaced. Because of the damage mr. robber did to our door, the things we "lost" will get washed up in the deductible, and the insurance will then cover the custom door that will have to replace the one mr. robber so violently beat in. all for a stupid 19 inch Vizio TV and three year old lap top.

My sense of security is another story. I won't be getting that back anytime soon. The violence with which this person entered our home, ransacked our things, threw our drawers on the floor. It rattled me. And I could smell mr. robber's sweat in every room. This loss, I can't get back. at least not anytime soon.

And then there is the story, behind the story- the one where Josh and I have had to admit that our past two years have been fairly selfish ones. Filled with a new baby, and low commitment to a church home, and lack luster generosity. Meanwhile, we have feasted off the generosity of others- meals, nice Christmas gifts- and indulged in our own dreams, like buying this house that we love.

None of these things are bad in and of themselves- but we have had to take an honest look at our choices and at least ask the question to ourselves. to remind ourselves that we want to be the kind of people who give like we have been given to. To tell ourselves "no", from time to time, or perhaps pause longer before a purchase. I am not trying to raise any virtuous flags here. I am too busy pouting about the fact that we are tv-less right now and I probably won't be getting that phil and ted's double stroller that I had my eye one.

Instead, we'll be installing a very strong door in two locations and upgrading our alarm system.

and this all makes me sad.

sad for the person who stole things from us, mainly our sense of home and security.

but I know there are lessons to be learned- ones we were already opening ourselves up to learn, just not knowing it would be in this way.

We are really lucky and blessed beyond measure- some of it is because we have worked hard and earned our way, but much of it is because we have been dearly loved by others, often not deserved- but given to generously despite it all.

you know who you are. thank you.

and if for some reason you are reading this blog, because the computer you just got opened up to it. well, this computer was stolen. just so you know.

2 more

OB appt's, that is.

I seriously could hardly walk into the office today. I don't know what Amelia is doing in there, but I am pretty sure it involves using my bladder as a trampoline.

I really am on the home stretch, though- and my mind and body cannot wait.

I took care of 3 babies this weekend who all were supposed to be born the week Amelia is due. They all had little premature issues- and I was reminded that as jealous as I was that those moms were with their babies- they were with them, patiently waiting for them to turn various corners so they could go home. I've been there with Annie, it's no fun. So, as uncomfortable as I am, little Amelia can co-habitate with me a wee bit longer.

I keep thinking I am going to get my act together. you know, like pack a hospital bag and wash some of amelia's clothes- it hasn't happened yet.

instead, I drove Annie today for a secret treat. her first krispy kreme donut. I could hear her in the back saying "yum, yum" with every warm bite. I may or may not have fallen off the wagon and eaten 2 chocolate glazed donuts, and it may or may not have been totally awesome.

I'll never tell.

unabashed laziness

annie's grandmother - whom annie affectionately call "me-maw"- (I promise, Cathy, we'll get that corrected!)- has annie for a few days, and I have been basking in unabashed laziness. I am starting to realize (this is a little late in the game)- that how I feel is almost directly related to how much rest I am getting. I have been sleeping beyond horrible for weeks- but yesterday, I literally rested all day, took a unisom, and slept most of the night. I felt almost normal this morning.

I finished my business taxes and all my spreadsheets are up to date. I updated my 2010 photography business facebook page. I cooked breakfast. took a shower.

what is happening in the world? It's only 11:34????

well, my iced tea is poured. feet are up. I plan on resting MORE right this very minute.

I do miss my annie, though.

butt in my rib

As I sit here, I am pretty sure I have a little butt in my rib.

I am 35 weeks this week, which is good. it's in that "could go anytime" scenario, which I thought might have been a reality last nite. I worked Friday and Saturday nite, which I have not done this entire pregnancy (working 2 nites in a row), because it's just too hard- but I did it anyway, and paid for it dearly last nite with insomnia and 3 hours of contractions, kindly spaced out at 5 minutes apart. The contractions themselves only lasted 30 seconds or so each time, and I kept fading into sleep and then they would wake me up again. I kept thinking - I'll wake Josh up when they start hurting. It's just too much work to get all fussy about this right now:) I had a feeling if I could just get to sleep, they would go away. and they did- somewhere around 3 am when I fell into a fitful few hours of slumber.

I, of course, woke up grumpy. I really think a 35 week gestation period would be long enough- I'll have to ask God about that whole 40 weeks thing one day because pretty much any hour over the 35 week mark is just plain miserable. don't you agree?

You probably wouldn't gather this from my blog posts, the mere self absorption that accompanies these last weeks (and honestly, for me, the entire pregnancy) is just plain exhausting. ***

There is good news- Amelia has a birthday set unless she comes early, which I wouldn't be too surprised. For now, though, I am all set for a c-section on Feb 15 @ 9am. That's 4 weeks from tomorrow.

happy monday!

***and by this I mean, if you have read this blog at all the last 9 months, self absorption seems to fly off my fingertips with ease. In the end, it really is exhausting, though, and I will be eager not be so fixated on my various maladies.

a little late, but still cute

I realize my picture taking has been very much neglected on the blog. Here's a cute one of Annie from Christmas. Love this girl. tantrums and all.

terrible twos

are proving true around here.

major kicking, screaming, throwing fits kinds of tantrums.

today I miss the days of freedom. of pubs with friends. long mornings in coffee shops with the snow falling. and then I remember that then I was longing for what is now. and everyone said. enjoy this. enjoy your time.

it's all so good, you know. every season with it's benefits and loneliness.

but when your kid is prostrate on the floor at church, screaming at the top of her lungs, one starts to wonder how this came to be my child? When did I lose control? or did I?

today, our associate pastor was preaching and he said sometimes some of us show up and we can barely utter the words in a song because we feel unworthy to worship. I kind of laughed inside, thinking, I probably should feel this way- but really I am just too tired to sing. I mean, I barely made it to church, really!

you know it's bad when you are fantasizing about 3 days in the hospital with people waiting on you hand and foot. It may require major abdominal surgery, but I'll take it. and pain pills, too. oh, and that beautiful baby amelia. can't wait to meet her, too.

*** upon dealing with an obviously not feeling well child all day, and a sudden onset of bright red/rash like cheeks, it dawned on me about 10 minutes before bedtime that Annie has Fifths disease. well, at least her behavior wasn't JUST because she is 2. SO. TIRED. OF. SICK. BABIES. Hoping the Advil and Benedryl work their magic....

say a little prayer.

hi all-

Just wanted to drop a note regarding Annie. She had her 2 year well-baby checkup yesterday, and the Dr. decided to run a heap of lab work (much of it we did last year along with some new tests). I was really happy to see her initiate the lab work- as you get to a point in the hair loss thing where you don't know where to fight and where to resign yourself (and child) to a hairless fate. Anyway, her dr. just wanted to make sure we weren't missing anything- so she is checking thyroid function, celiac disease (this is an "allergy" to gluten), Zinc levels (which effect hair and skin health), sed rate (which would indicate if there were active "inflammation" in the body), a cbc and metabolic profile- which are basic blood counts and chemistry profiles. Of course, this was heartbreaking to go through- but they were able (as far as I know) to get the samples they needed- but Annie was terrified, yet amazingly sat fairly still in my lab the entire time they were getting the blood.

Needless to say, we all needed alcohol after that appointment. We settled for Sushi and Annie had a great time and Josh and I were able to unwind a bit.

I'll update if I know anything today. These things come with all kinds of emotions. On the one hand, you want them to find something that will answer your questions, but on the other hand you want everything to be ok. sigh.

* All of annie's labwork came back normal. The zinc sample has to be retaken because it clotted, which happens quite a bit with labwork. I told them we needed a few days before we did that again, so I'll update soon! The good news about the zinc, is that is a fairly "fixable" abnormality should be results be low, so of all the lab work that was done, the zinc was the least scary, so to speak.