things I would like to do everyday

pray.
take a walk.
drink a glass of red wine.
eat a piece of fruit..
read a chapter from a book.
listen to music, for at least half an hour.
read the front page on a good newspaper.
eat a salad for lunch.
cook dinner and eat it with my husband.
talk to a friend.
sleep.


unrelated note:

I was thinking about a book the other night that I read in Seminary- John Stott's Sermon on the Mount book

I read a lot of books in Seminary that were quite boring- but this was one of those books that really blew me away. It's an excellent, easy to read book that would be excellent for a "bible study", book club, community group, or for your personal well-being. The premise of the book is The Sermon on the Mount as counter culture- and like I said, it is excellent. I always forget about this book, and I just don't want to forget about it anymore:)

walkin....

We went for a walk in the snow today, or what's left of it. It was nice and peaceful. And Annie looked pretty cute, I must say.

smiles

I know these are HUGE, but you know the grandparents like to see them LIFE SIZE, or at least I figured they would:)

She is smiling at us these past few days, it appears, ON PURPOSE.

However,  I must go, because she is not smiling right now. She is wailing, as a matter of fact.

things on the docket

okay- just for my own memory... some other things I am bouncing around in my head.

-The local food movement. I  listened to this author on NPR last week.  Now of course, I want to read the book. Just in her brief interview, my mind started turning over all kinds of things. This is one of those tension areas for me- She basically took a year or something close to that and only ate food that was locally grown or in her back yard. She advocates that it is a matter of responsibility to know where our food comes from, support local economies, that kind of thing. She really speaks about this in a convicting kind of way. Since I am a first born, I immediately take this in the wrong direction, start feeling overwhelming guilt because I don't live this way entirely (probably not even close), and then I just feel bad about myself:)  But then I think- is there not some kind of balance? I mean, I am not going to stop drinking coffee because I live in Tulsa- where they don't GROW coffee. I could, however, support a local roasting company, right? And what about buying wine from California- isn't there something to be said for sharing what we do best. California- I buy your wine, and you buy my Georgia Peaches. Anyway, I'll write more when I read more, as I am sure I have plenty to learn on the subject. 

And if that were not enough, there is the whole small farm/organic issue. And I'll be honest, as long as I am choosing to stay home with my child, that is just not an option for us. We just can't afford to buy organic fruits, veggies, and meat.

Anyway, some thoughts to chew on. hee hee.

-Simplicity.

I am really, really wanting to be committed to this. Scale down, de-clutter. I have a long way to go, but I am very serious about this. I am just overwhelmed by the amount of CRAP we have. I have started in the closet, and scaled down measurably- but I still want to purge more. 

I think there are some spiritual elements here, too,  and I really want to dig into that some more. 

Anybody have any ways you have simplified, or how you went about it. I mean, I really don't know where to start!

Bring it on. please.

things I want to write about

I have a laundry list of topics I would LIKE to talk about here.  You know, besides tales of spit up and poop.

One of those topics is the tension I feel with media (both online and "tv")- and how I want to be connected and knowledgeable- yet I feel the need more and more to purge myself from it (especially tv). Now, I like good television and films, a lot, but I find myself becoming less able to discern what its worth. Am I forfeiting something (namely brain cells), for mere entertainment? Now, some entertainment I find totally worthy. Say, "The Office". But then there is "The Bachelor". My husband watches only minutes of this in horror- and he is a reasonable guy. I "know" instinctively, that there is something completely disordered about the show- but I continue to watch (often aghast)- the way you look at crash scene on the highway- knowing it's not a good scene, but unwilling to take my eyes off of it. 

And then there is the Internet. I just started Twittering. God help me. As if my facebook  statuses were not enough to keep the world informed. And yet, here (or there) I am, telling the handful of people who "follow" me, that I just went to Target and bought sausage. Because you need to know that about me. 

But the thing is- I like it. I have no idea why. Maybe because it makes this Macbook seem more like a person. Less computer, and more like a magic window where people live inside. 

Umm, I think I am on to something.

And then, like yesterday, I went on this really nice walk, by myself, on a nice trail- and I could hear birds (real, live ones), and heard kids playing , and I could hear my feet on the gravel, and I could see the sky in its beautiful blue-ness, and I thought- this is where the life is. This is where I feel most alive.

And then I went home and watched "The Office". on the internet.

one month in.

one month in:

• Annie sleeps mostly through the night. I get up once, between 12 and 2. Annie- you rock, little one.
  
• She smiles, mostly still unknowingly, but cute nonetheless.
  
• We often walk by her, sleeping, and say- Annie is the cutest baby ever.
  
• Her hair is amazing. Rock stars use some serious product to get their hair to stand the way hers does. I love it. And it only keeps getting more amazing and rock star-ish.
  
• She has the brightest eyes. Babies take some time to wake up- but she has been bright eyed from her first few days of life. She gazes in what seems like wonderment, whenever she is awake.
  
• Josh wants to call her Scout- she has that look about her.
  
• She may look like Josh, but she got her mama's lungs. She can wail. Spirited, I say.
  
• And the cheeks, I mean- I just can't get enough of them.
  

me, a month in:

• Getting stronger. Starting to feel like me again.
  
• Tired, but not as tired as I thought I would be.
  
• Watching lots of  "The Office" with Josh- We're halfway through Season 2. Love me some Dwight.
  
• Lots of internet engagement. I'll be glad when the weather warms up and we can get outside. I need some distance from Facebook:)
  
• Eating way too many sweets. Last week, I declared it was "making up for lost time week"- I decided I would let myself indulge in all the sweets that had invaded my house without guilt- given I did not have one decent craving my entire pregnancy. I thoroughly enjoyed every bite- but now I have to detox, and well, that's no fun. I have eaten a lot of salad the past few days (and the rest of the cookies:)
  
• I am seriously considering not buying the converter box for our TV. I have had the TV off for several days, and it's been nice. Josh and I do so much from our laptops- even the few TV shows I watch, I watch on the internet. I had enough morning TV to last me a decade during this pregnancy, and it's just the same crap over and over again, so I think I may be done. At least for now.
  
• And drumroll...we were back in church this week. It was bittersweet. We are in such an in between place with "church"- this is a move almost in the complete opposite direction we are moving (in the suburbs, low liturgy, little to no observance of the Church Calendar); but there is a community of folks in our area- who are wanting to live in "community" with each other- and we need that and know how essential that is to our basic spiritual life. I don't understand it, but this is where are being led, at least for now, and I am just trying to have a heart that is yielding and not stubborn.

mama and annie

three ways

some hope in Tulsa

This has been a week of things coming together.

work- yes, I am going back. One evening a week. I was going to work two, but I just didn't feel quite up for it yet. I was nervous about asking to work just one- but they were fine with it, and it was a relief. We'll be eating lots of beans and rice, but it feels like the right move for now.

babysitter- Josh's very kind cousin has offered to keep Annie when I go to work until Josh can get home. This was another thing I have been fretting over for several months- but I am so thankful she is willing, and I can breath a little easier knowing Annie will be with someone who is a great mom and so caring.

Phototgraphy- the emails keep coming in, and I am praying I will land some Summer weddings soon. I have one on the books and a few others in the wings. This will help greatly and keep me at home, which is hopeful goal.

Church- We've decided to dive into a PCA church here in Tulsa. We had originally decided against it because it is pretty far away from our home, we really wanted some local community, but after visiting several other churches that were closer- there just didn't seem to be an obvious fit. So, Josh called the pastor of the said church, and asked if there were any folks involved in the church that lived in the midtown area- He connected us immediately- and in a few short days I have been to a women's bible study, got invited to a book club, and joined a community group that literally meets a mile or so from our house. I cannot tell you how encouraged I feel that HUMAN CONTACT has begun. It has involved some laying down of expectations, but I have learned that I am no place to be demanding things at this point. If these past 10 months have taught me anything, it is the beginnings ( I hope ) of humility and mercy.

And the bottom line is this- We are supposed to be here. Josh has flourished in this job, and is doing so well. To be able to see this and see others see and recognize his giftedness brings me such great joy. It doesn't mean I don't miss the places I have left and don't dream of getting back there- but it does make me more yielding to this story that God is weaving, however challenging it is at times. And as I look over these past few days, when I felt like I was at the end of myself in regards to making friends here, and finding a place where we could rest and connect- God made a way, and for this I am so thankful.

And lastly, I just want to say Thank GOD for the internet. Say what you will about false community and what have you- but being able to stay connected to my friends whether it be on this blog or the beloved Facebook or whatever, it has kept me from going to the dark place many times these past few months. It doesn't replace real contact, and real conversations and your real, live smiling faces- but it has helped nonetheless. so thankyou.

annie- saving the planet

Aunt Carrie gave me this cute outfit from the eco-baby store here in Tulsa. Cute, huh?

Hanging out with Dad, looking at the MAC.

awake

tidbits

yay. annie is taking a nap today.

"And Then She Found Me"-  Best movie of 2008. Beautiful and Intense- have your kleenex. 

"The Visitor"- also a good movie for 2008

Netflix users can now "watch instantly" on your MACS. Been watching alot of  "The Office".

The Bachelor was really awful last night. I read a hysterical review here. 

Should have put the Christmas stuff up today, but I napped instead.

When do mothers eat?

I need some opinions on somethings....

off brand wipes? Any suggestions?

anyone use off brand diapers? not sure if its worth it, but thought I would ask.

any formula people out there? Due to traumatic first three weeks of life for daughter and mother, annie is getting bottles (with a dwindling amount of breast milk)- I hear SAMS formula is a good alternative, but I am little protective.

home alone

Josh went back to work today, so it was me and kiddo. She hasn't slept all day, until now- but she is sleeping all night between feedings, so no complaining here. I imagine she will find her daytime naps eventually, but I am happy to have figured out the nights, first. Of course, I have most likely have spoken too soon, out of turn, etc... but one can hope.

I seem to have healed from the latest sickness. I finally caught Josh's sinus infection, but as my father in law said this week- I would rather have surgery than a stomach virus- I agree, and add to that list various other illnesses and conditions- including a cold, maybe even being pregnant:) And let me clarify- stomach virus and pregnant sickness are totally different. When you are pregnant, you can throw up, and immediately eat a steak dinner:) The stomach bug is just an ugly monster that makes you wonder if you will ever trust food again. Anyway, enough said...

The little Annie seems to have caught a little cold, too, which makes bottle feeding a bit interesting. She has gotten choked up more than one time today which made me jump so quick, you think I had let her eat a piece of chicken. She was fine- it was the mother who freaked out. She just grinned, like "made you look".

Ah, I promise this blog is not going to turn into the Tales of spit up and poop. It's just if I try to write what I really feel, it gets too sappy and I feel like I am drowning in my words. I am really trying to just stay in the moments, you know. It's hard to get it wrapped around my head, that taking care of this little one at this stage, involves a lot of holding, diaper changing, making up songs, taking really fast showers, learning how to type with one hand, thinking of all the things I need to do  and doing none of them...

That's ok, though. Thank God for the internets:)