I made it

through my first weekend without the husband. It's kind of strange, because I have taken the occasional weekend trip since we have been married, but when he left on Saturday, I felt pretty sad. It's strange to think that in almost 4 years, I have had him at my side almost every single nite. Anyway, I guess there is something to that two becoming one thing:) He's back, and I am glad, because I love him a great deal.

In his absence, I did take the opportunity to see 27 dresses with my dear friend Carrie. It made me laugh, because I think I wore almost as many dresses before I got to wear the white one. I think they should be banned. from the WORLD. I have yet to wear one again. Even the tasteful ones, they just are what they are. The things you do for the people you love.

I'll post my cooking club contribution for the week tomorrow. Curry Chicken Salad on croissants. Homemade pita chips with Hummus. and Sweet zuchinni bread. Yum.

c.o.l.d. and loud noises

I am trying my hardest to work today from home, but the loud noises from the repairs of this giant thing, and the fact that I have four layers on in my own house- is well, making me a wee. bit. crazy.

good times in texas

well, josh and i missed the snow, as we were in Texas and Oklahoma this weekend visiting family. We had a great time seeing everyone, especially our two little nieces. We love you girls!

superficial, kind of.

I feel like my posts oscillate between too much and too little. oh well. it is my blog, and I am trying to care less about what people think. I mean I do care, but I can care too much. I digress.

So, I was going to show you a vain photo of myself as I got my hair chopped off. I had a brief period of mourning, but I am better. I just think deep down I want to be this long haired beauty queen. That is absolutely hysterical if you know me at all. So, short it is. for now. Oh, and there is no picture because I have been running around in the sleet getting a flat tire fixed.

the most brilliant idea in the world. cooking club. I am in my second week of being a part of dinner co-op. Three families. Three meals a week. Here is how it works. I cook on Mondays for three families- enough to feed 2 adults. I take the meals to them. On Tues and Thursdays, I get a meal from them. Is that not brilliant? I have only experienced this dinner bliss for two weeks, but it is really a great deal. My grocery bill got cut in half. HALF. It is so much cheaper to fix one meal (for 6 people), than 3 separate meals a week. Plus, you just don't have to think about it, which for me, is half the struggle when thinking about meals for the week. I also am much more motivated to be creative, eat healthier, etc.. I think the catch is proximity and consistency and simplicity. We all live within 2 miles of each other. We are committed to doing it every week. And I think three is a perfect number. 4 gets a little more difficult to navigate. You will inevitably be gone one of those nights, anyway.

examples of the delicious meals I got last week.

mon- spaghetti with meat sauce; salad with carrots and tomatoes and parmesan cheese with balsamic vin. dressing

tues- baked chicken seasoned with olive oil, paprika and cumin topped with a bell pepper pico de gallo (yum) and spanish rice.

thursday- broccoli chicken casserole with salad, little ice creams with chocolate syrup!

This week-

mon- chicken enchiladas with pico de gallo

tues- pork and wild rice; mixed vegetables sauteed in lemon; and crescent rolls.

I mean, you may be WAY more domestic than me, but I would not have in a million years prepared this amount of food in the past week. The great thing is also portion control. You get just what you need ( I am still learning this, I am not good at figuring out what is enough, too much, etc...)

Anyway, so far I am loving this, and would highly recommend it.


Well, aside from going to the gym and getting a tire fixed, I have had a completely worthless day-and I have LOVED every minute of it.

winter thaw and a little bit of hope (warning: positive words will follow)

I have this problem with letting certain people or influences, much of the time people I hardly know, get the final word. I start thinking about the world, or my church, or how I relate to my friends based on the loudest voice in the room. I have gotten so lost in the loud voices, that I have lost my own.

This weekend, I reluctantly went to our women's retreat for this very reason. I had come to this place where I was not sure if I could make a home at this church. I had so much fear about every person I met. I had translated the louder voices onto every person I was meeting- assuming, they were demanding the same things. I know that I am being vague, and I promise I am not speaking about one person- this is more or less a collective voice or presence that I just have not been able to shake. The voices that condemned me actually wanting to know God. know Peace. fight against my own brokenness. perhaps talk about what my repentance looks like. that maybe the way I talk, or live my life might actually have something to do with what's going on inside me. That maybe- God forbid- I, we, you might be wrong about something. The voices that suggested that even talking about the way we might abuse language, or alcohol, or friendships was wrong, or judgmental. The voices that suggested that it was weak to want more, arrogant or "legalistic" to not be ok with leaning on my sins for comfort. Call me crazy- but I just want more.

This weekend, I felt like I was breathing oxygen for the first time in two years. I heard kind voices. Voices that long for so many of the things that I long for. I felt kindness, and willingness to lay down our arms, and fear. It didn't feel like some battle I had to survive. I felt like I had a voice again, the one God gave me. And the beautiful thing is that circumstances in my life are not any different. I am still in a difficult place, I can be honest about that. I can even be mad about it- but I am really. tired. of being scared of the lies. The lie that says I am unreasonable person because I just want to live my life in an honorable way.

The bleak winter (that has been my heart)- is beginning to thaw. and that's good.

worry, words, and prayer

I have been reading at the recommendation of friends- The Divine Hours. It's more or less a prayer book, with scripture readings prayers- a lot of it taken from the Book of Common Prayer. There are readings for morning, mid-day, and evening. I find the repetition helpful and the words are usually a comfort.

every now and then cynical me shows up (well, i suppose that it always the case), but usually the words quiet me. Today, in the reading, is the scripture "do not worry about about food, drink, clothing- your Father knows you need these things". On some level, of course, I find this comforting. Though, I have worried for little. ever. I mean, I worry- I was worrying this morning about "money", as I often do- but seeing that we have a home, and food, and clothes. I mean, the worry is pretty much unfounded. And yet, I latch on to these words for comfort- and a wrong interpretation would be that it means I won't ever be uncomfortable. It's comfort that God might actually care about these things-but I hear and see plenty of things to know that for many, clothes and food and money is a very real worry. I wonder how they would hear these words from Jesus. I know you are starving, and you've been wearing those clothes for months- but do not worry, Your Father knows what you need....I just don't know.

I am really fighting to believe these things. these words. I feel so overwhelmed by the truly broken places. I have a friend who has been jetsetting around Africa feeding hungry people and helping them get healthcare. She just got transfered to Darfur. She accepted the transfer- and she knows how dangerous it will be. She knows the grim details. and she is going anyway. In the midst of all that, she sees God at work. I think she believes those words for people.

I don't know how much is guilt, that I live here, in this place where things are more or less "easy". I feel overwhelmed, even, by what we have, and I wonder what God thinks about it all. Will He love us despite it all-

I hope so.

I tried to read up, but I keep singing this song in my head.

If A Song Could Be President (click here to listen)
by: Over the Rhine

If a song could be president
We’d hum on Election Day
The gospel choir would start to sway
And we’d all have a part to play

The first lady would free her hips
Pull a microphone to her lips
Break our hearts with Rhythm and Blues
Steve Earle would anchor the news

We’d vote for a melody
Pass it around on an MP3
All our best foreign policy
Would be built on harmony

If a song could be president
We’d fly a jukebox to the moon
All our founding fathers’ 45’s
Lightnin’ Hopkins and Patsy Cline
If a song could be president

If a song could be president
We could all add another verse
Life would teach us to rehearse
Till we found a key change

Break out of this minor key
Half-truths and hypocrisy
We wouldn’t need an underachiever-in-chief
If a song could be president

We’d make Neil Young a Senator
Even though he came from Canada
Emmylou would be Ambassador
World leaders would listen to her

They would show us where our country went wrong
Strum their guitars on the White House lawn
John Prine would run the FBI
All the criminals would laugh and cry
If a song could be president

random update

slowly getting back into the swing of things here at the Jareds. We are quite enamored with our "new" car- for a brief amount of time in my early 20's, I bought an expensive care, because I could, and it was the stupidest thing I ever did with money. I could have bought a house or a condo, but no- a big fat expensive car. Well, my mid-late 20's crisis hit, and I packed all my earthly belongings and moved to the midwest. I sold me fancy car, and bought a bare-bones honda civic, 5 speed, roll down windows, etc...( I also dyed my hair completely blond, which was another bad idea)... I've been driving around that car for the past 5/6 years. When Josh and I moved here, I started driving his truck, since I worked so close, and it was a great truck, but it was a truck, and call me a brat- I was ready to drive something different.

In all seriousness, I feel really thankful for this car. It's been fun to drive, and I am thankful we were able to get it. It's used. It has a fair amount of mileage already- but it does the trick.

kristen has inspired me to start reading a bit more about these presidential candidates. I imagine I am not alone in the cynical department regarding politics and the like. It all kind of makes me nauseated, to be honest.

josh and i have plowed through most of the first season of Arrested Development. What a great show! I can't figure out who my favorite character is yet- I think probably Buster or Job. They both crack me up.

josh=badass

so josh and I bought a car today. we were both a bit anxious about the process, and not really the bargaining types. We did a bunch of research and felt as ready as you could be to deal with SALES people. I can't fault sales people- that is their job, I just wish it wasn't so dramatic.

We talked with a nice man, and we went through all the back and forth with numbers. Josh was AWESOME. I knew he was a badass, but I had doubts about the buying of the car process. At one point, the guy said, "if I don't come out here with the number you want, what are you going to do?" Josh said, totally deadpan " I am going to go eat lunch, because I am hungry.". The guy came back 5 minutes later with "you win" written across the paper.

So we now have a Volvo Wagon. I am pretty sure that makes us yuppies- but I don't care. My dog has a place to be, and I am not driving a pick up truck.

32

Thanks everyone who called and wrote to me on my birthday yesterday. My phone was temporarily MIA and without battery- Josh eventually found it in the car, so I am just now getting messages and such. We had a nice day- Josh made me breakfast, and we went on a long walk and cleaned out the car, ate a ginormous meal with family and dear friends. We made it to midnite and were asleep by 12:15. I somehow made it today sans caffeine.

32. wow. That seems rather adult-ish.

I made a very romantic list last year about all my new years resolutions. I did not have a very romantic year, so i think I'll lay off the romantic list making this year-

I do plan to keep doing things I love. taking a lot of walks. staying behind the camera. I'd like to take a wine class. a yoga class. I'd like to go to a photography conference/trade show. I'd like to take a long bike ride near an ocean. I would like to talk less about things that don't matter. I would like to forgive a few people and be less afraid of some.

ok, so maybe that was a little romantic.

happy new year, folks.