weekend

 It's been so beautiful here this week. Clear, brisk days.  It's nice. Such beauty always  has a tinge of longing, too.  Longing, as I sit and let the decisions of this past year marinate. Really wondering where this all takes Josh and I. It feels like we are in the desert. I am on not the first one. I won't be the last. I am reminded of a song by Sarah Groves- I've been painting pictures of Egypt.

 I paint lots of pictures in my head these days- wondering what life will be like on the other side of this desert. Carrying a child really does change everything. Josh jokingly said the other day- we should move to Seattle. Last year, I would have loved that idea. I would have loved the idea of moving anywhere exciting and beautiful. But now- it just feels so different. I want solid ground and, and security, and family near. I want for Annie the things that made me feel safe. I want her to partake in community the way I experienced it as a child, and even more as an adult. I am lucky to have had this. I want the same for her. I firmly believe her life will be more whole if she sees her parents participating in relationships with others, having friends, being a whole person with interests and dreams of our own.

 Perhaps that will happen here- I have to at the very least be open to that, I know. I am also open to getting the heck out of dodge:)

 Today, I am thankful to be sharing a day with Josh's family- which has been the one saving grace of being in this new place. We'll be celebrating Annie's impending arrival with hotdogs and chili- which is my kind of shower. I am thankful for the small graces.

 And in case anyone is counting- 7  more weeks until baby. 4 more weeks of work. 5 weeks until Thanksgiving break (a whole week with Josh!). 2 weeks until les, jacks, and dear carrie come and visit.....Lots to look forward to!

thoughts and meanderings

I have had tons of thoughts soaring in my head today. We went back to the Episcopal church to day, and it was beautiful, a bit lofty, even regal. I was thinking about Jesus and the Last Supper. How it seemed simple, a family meal, but loaded with meaning. I took communion today and it was more regal than I am used to. More of a taste of the glory to come, I guess. I just kept thinking about Jesus, what he would think about it all. I get all swept up the the beauty at this church- but deep down I wonder if anyone knows anybody else. I have tasted the beauty and heartache of community- and I miss it. I have also longed for the beauty of worship, that something that takes me to other side a bit more- the side of reverence and humility, and longing for the reality of redemption.

I was reading a blog today (kristen's)- as she was sharing her experience of living on Southside. Living among the people I did, just a few short months ago. And then something subtle and gracious happened- it wasn't that I was not sad, because I was. I miss where we have left. I miss our life there. But somehow I was able to hear God's voice. Just that inner whatever- that was telling me He was taking care of us, here. That seasons change, and that particular season has passed for us.

And so here we are.

I have 5 more weeks of work- I am taking three weeks off before the due date (cassia suggested this!).  Two of those weekends are booked with family and friends, which I greatly need. And the Holidays arrive, and baby arrives, and our world changes forever.

I still haven't bought a diaper. a car seat. among other things. For whatever reason, those two things feel so REAL. And honestly, most days I just can't wrap my head around Annie being a person. 

signing off...

32 weeks

People have been asking, so here is the 32 week belly.  

And other sweet people have been asking about where we are registered. We have a few things on amazon, babies r us, and  Target. You know me and registries- I find them to be a bit overwhelming.  I didn't register for books- but we love books, too. 

I heard Christmas music today at Kohls.  I don't know why this always strikes me as odd- but it does. We're in such a hurry for the next thing- ahhh. I imagine one day we will have no idea how much our souls needed rest from this three ring circus. 

day off

we have been so busy the past few weeks. I have been taking lots of classes for my job- which last all week.  I have finished up those for the time being which is good.

So today, I have finally found myself a day off!  Of course, there is plenty that needs to be accomplished, but I am enjoying the slow start.

Annie is good. She kicks and turns and does all sorts of gymnastics these days. It's cute for awhile, then a little uncomfortable, then  slightly annoying as I try to get to sleep. She is super active from like 4 in the afternoon until I fall asleep. I can't believe we are creeping up on the end of this pregnancy. I am getting more nervous these days- realizing we still need things. like diapers. and a car seat. All the details kind of overwhelm me at times!  I am hoping that nesting instinct kicks in pretty soon. I need some motivation...

On the church front- we found a beautiful Episcopal Church this weekend. It's the first church we have really connected with on some level. Of course, there are all kinds of theological conundrums we are facing- and the Episcopal church has gone in some directions that we have deep reservations about. And yet, the irony is that this feels like one of the truest places we have found to worship. I don't know how it will all end up, and frankly, I am pretty tired of worrying about who has it right and who doesn't. I don't know how far we can or are willing to compromise- I suppose our time there will only answer that question.

So there you go- a few more boring details! 

goings on...

The past three weeks have been SO busy. I have had lots of nursing classes to attend for my new job- long, boring days. Josh booked our social calendar jammed full last weekend, and throw in a couple of glucose tests, and there you go. a busy three weeks...

I love that it's October, and I feel like I am living for December 12. The baby is so active these days, lots of punches and jabs. I am having all kinds of weird dreams about her arrival. Like, last night, I was in a hospital bed in someone's back yard. 

I had a great photo shoot this week. Look here!

These kids were just adorable, and I am so happy for every client I get these days!

I passed the three hour glucose test. thank goodness.

We hosted our first meal this past week. It was so much fun, and it felt good to have new friends in our home, to laugh, and I even drank a wee bit of wine. don't tell.

We have fun things coming up. Josh's parents up for a visit. Josh has Fall Break- much needed. A baby shower with Josh's family. And then three of my favorite people are dropping by in early November.

My one great sadness is that I will not make it home before the baby. I had wanted to, but being so sick and uncomfortable, and trying to get oriented at work before the baby comes, and so on, and so on....I feel pretty sad about it and miss home.

But, this is how the year is. It's been a difficult one, full of big decisions and moves and saying goodbye and so many unknowns and so much anticipation. 

lala

I have been enjoying this music site- lala.com . You can listen to any album/song one time at no charge, which is nice if you are wanting some new music, but not sure you want to pay for something you are not going to love. You can also buy a "web" song, for like 10 cents, which means you can play it online anytime- which is where almost all my music listening occurs.

Anyway, if you join- for free- right now you get 50 free websongs.  Anyway, if you like music, you'll like lala. I just like saying lala. so there.

Other than that, I have had anxiety ridden day for stupid, first born reasons. Yesterday, the doctor told me I had failed my glucose test, so I have to repeat it tomorrow (three hours!). It's not the three hours that bothers me, it's the no food from tonite to sometime tomorrow around 11:00 am. I'll be so sick by then, it's not even funny. SO, if you are the praying kind, pray, that by some miracle, I will not feel like I am going to die, throw-up, have a nervous breakdown, etc...! Can we say as of tomorrow- 10. more. weeks.

This stupid first-born part of it has to do with trying to get the message to work today that I would not be there tomorrow. I left messages and emails all day with no response- so, I was feeling that impending doom- like the entire operating room would cease to function because of my absence! Anyway, they finally called me back, totally understood, and so that was that. Thankfully, I was able to get outside today on the beautiful day and take photos of three beautiful kids. I am really hoping business keeps picking up, as it makes me happy to be creative and I feel so much more like me. Nursing- that's my first-born job. Photography- that the thing that makes work feel not like work.

Anyone watching the debates tonight? I'll be honest, I am interested in seeing  how Palin does. Those Katie Couric interviews have been brutal to watch. It will be interesting to see how this all turns out....

good nite.