so much to think about

i have spent most of my sunday morning thinking, reading, and sleeping. i have been reading alot of blogs today, some people i know, some i don't. i am encouraged by the honest conversation...and then i am discouraged...sometimes, in the same moment. it seems like a lot of people are pretty mad at the world. i can understand this. i get mad alot. it seems like alot of people love and hate the church. i get this, too. josh laughs at me alot because i often introduce statements, or close statements with.. "that's the dumbest thing i ever heard". there are variations on this, of course, but it always includes the word dumb. not the most sophisticated term, i know. but i have been thinking alot about this, the way i use words to judge the world and words i hear.

as i read these blogs, it seems that what most people want is to be understood. all the verbal assault and attempts at honesty are really just a cry...please understand me. i suppose some people just want be to be right, but i think more just want shalom. funny how we try to get it....words, words, and more words.

i heard margie haack speak once on authenticity...(ransomfellowship.org). she spoke of post modern infatuation with authenticity. she said there is an honesty that is destructive and an honesty that is....i can't remember her exact words...but the idea was redemptive. she played these two movies to explain the concept. the first was high fidelity. sadly, it was one of the funnier scenes...when the yuppy dad comes in the record store and asks about a cd for his daughter..jack black rips into the poor guy for asking about such a ridiculous cd...its pretty funny. but this was the bad example, the one that shows destructive honesty. darn it.

the other film was jane austin's emma...the scene is in a meadow and all the friends are eating strawberries, and emma (gwenyth paltrow) makes a snide remark towards a lady who is poorer, uglier, more awkward than she. she is immediately given the evil eye by her friend mr. knightly...and later rebuked harshly for her inconsiderate, ungraceful actions....an example of honesty that is meant for the purpose of redemption...showing emma the way the world is always broken, and the need to be gracious to those whose place in life has landed them in more desparate circumstances. the words he used were meant for redemption, not destruction....yet they were painfully honest. basically he said "emma, you were an ass"

i have returned to this often in my thoughts. when i want to say whatever want....i ponder if i am having a jack black moment or mr. knightly moment.

it's usually jack....

she really is that big

sometimes i have to see a picture of welsie to be reminded of her large-ness. i don't really see her as big or horse-like, though people walk a little faster when they see her on our porch. i wonder if this is how people justify getting bigger and bigger houses. i wonder if when you live among giant things, the world just seems smaller. i at least can have some compassion now...but in the end, my dog is a giant, and to admit otherwise is quite ridiculous.