baby shower and God's faithfulness.

Almost 4 years ago, Sweet Annie was born and spent 10 days in the NICU. During my stay, I was opened up (literally, I guess, thank you c-section), to the reality of changing career paths. I had been an O.R. nurse for 10 years, and had worked for some pretty important people. I took pride in that, and wanted to hang my hat on it, but at the end of the day, I was unhappy, burned out, and no passionate at all about my work. Until Annie.

and I thought. I can do this. I should do this.

One night, as I was working in the O.R., we went and to see a baby that was just born. I looked in the nursery, waved, and thought, this is where I want to be.

I applied the next day for a part-time job, and I transferred within a month.

BEST. DECISION.EVER.

Last night I gave a shower for the first person I ever met there. She is a kind and honest person, and I knew I would like her from the start.

I love my job. I love who I work with. These are my best friends in this town. They really are. This job has kept me sane, made my heart full, and reminded me that God is good. He really is.

This job is example of following the "thread" through. If I had not had that OR job that I hated, had Annie not been sick,  who knows where I would have been right now.

But I don't have to wonder. I am here.

beautiful people just don't happen.

well said.

my girls

Even though this is the hardest job I have ever done. (and I have worked hard jobs), I know in the deepest part of me that these two people have made me better. Before they came in to my life, I was a person that had to work really hard to shed tears. Really hard to feel compassion. That all disappeared when they showed up. I cry every time I am in the room when a baby is born. every. time. I also may or may not have cried on the grillmasters finale of "chopped". My husband was laughing. I was, too. 

following the thread

I was going to write a mushy post about how much this book is impacting me, "King's Cross"- by Timothy Keller. BUT, he says it right the first time, so I thought I would share. Such good words. good, good, words.

enjoy.

the yearning

I feel like we ache for Summer to leave as much as we long for its arrival.

In June, we've endured Winter's chill, and Spring's beautiful (but often stormy and sneezy) presence, but Summer, ah Summer, it's long days and lazy ways are a wonderful, anticipated welcome.

Until August.

And you are over 114 degree days. Over sunscreen. Over the water. Over frozen yogurt trips. Just over it.

And then this week happens, as the first day of school pics come in. All the crisp new clothes. smiling faces. You can almost taste the warm soups and pumpkin patches in your near future.

and every year, every season, comes and goes the same way. I suppose Winter and Summer,  being the extremes, we tend to see them go with more emotion, more thankfulness- for the next thing.

I am no different.

My kids don't start their preschool program until after labor day.

It's just two days. Just 10 hours a week, but man, it's so good for all of us.

And because it's monday, and because the sun woke up and made me face the day, we piled in the car, and headed to the zoo on a beautiful morning that reminded all of us that the warm days are less warm, the breeze has shifted to the north again. We rode trains and watched sea lions. Millie snuggled up to be on our rides. Annie watched with wonder at the birds and chimps.

I know it's good. life. these little people.

I also know that it's hard, and I fight (and I do mean fight) to find the joy. seek it out.

believe it's there.

I chose to believe it today.  I drove to the zoo, and placed my body in the outdoors, and said to Joy- prove it.

And joy did make itself known.

and we're back. The dirty dishes. the laundry. the crumbs.

They feel less daunting, though.

and less daunting is good.

on joy.

wherein I begin to open my heart to learning what this might mean....


The following is from G.K. Chesterton, on joy.

Josh and I have been saying that this is "the year of the yard". Because ours  has beautiful things, but its all wrangled and overgrown, and the weeds are choking the life out of it!

I am also adding that this is "the year of joy"

Chesterton writes a lot on joy, and I think, well I KNOW, that this is something that I have a difficult time tapping into. In the quote below, he says something that has thoroughly flattened me.

"melancholy should be an innocent interlude, a tender and fugitive frame of mind"...

Anyway, I am listening.

Man is more himself, man is more manlike, when joy is the fundamental thing in him, and grief the superficial. Melancholy should be an innocent interlude, a tender and fugitive frame of mind; praise should be the permanent pulsation of the soul.

Pessimism is at best an emotional half-holiday; joy is the uproarious labour by which all things live.

thoughts?

oh, july. nice to see you go. August, you can head on out, too.

Summer has been a rough patch for me. Maybe because life slows down, the routines are off, and I get to see up close the things I still really miss. Like my dear friends. Familiar landscapes. The ocean. My family.

Likewise, on our 4th Summer here, and my first without being pregnant or having a baby, has felt more like home than not, as life here makes  itself known to us.

Millie's baptism was a reminder of God's faithfulness to us, indeed, as we were surrounded by people who have chosen to love us, walk with us, and live life with us here in Oklahoma. It is hard to not focus on what was not there, though- that big gaping hole, that part of my heart that feels like it got left behind.

My family. My old friends. My people.

I remember someone writing in a book for us, when we left St. Louis. "See you at the Great Feast". I remember thinking that was so glim.

I don't feel that way anymore.

I look forward to a day when we shall all be together.

I wish people were talking about THAT day, and not Chick fil a, and or whatever kind of theological squabble is trending this week.

Annie says all of the time. "I want to give Jejus (jesus) a hug". How beautiful.

I pray for a heart that wants that, too.

she hath been washed.

I don't know what we will remember more, that is was a hot Summer day, the good food, or that Millie almost dunked herself on her baptism day. We all nervously listened to Father Jack, as he poetically described this most beautiful sacrament, all the while, Sweet Millie kicked, crawled, growled and screamed her way through the entire ceremony, and was grieved to find out  we were not Baptist when she didn't get to jump all the way in!

hot!!!

The heat has zapped all of my creativity! Not to mention a Summer cold that had me down this past week. Seriously, 114 today. I took the girls to the zoo at the crack of dawn just to get out of the house, but the heat just makes everybody crazy. All I did was scold, correct, threaten the entire time! Mommy of the year!!!!

But then I started driving to Target, because Sweet Millie is getting baptized on Saturday, and I needed to get supplies for lunch, and even the drivers on the interstate were crazy.

Ironically, the girls were angels the entire Target run- I guess they were appreciating the frigid big box store. They are usually crazy in there, too.

We made it home, all drank a gallon of water, and they are out!

Was it worth it? Do you ever really know?

I'll write more when I get my sanity back...

and it won't be about Chick Fil A.

But it may be about the women's gymnastics team. Oh my gosh! They are rock stars! I heart them!!!!

GO USA!!!