a poem

I have been trying to get more poetry in my life. I subscribe to NPR's "writer's almanac". It's a good way to get into the days.

Brown Penny

by William Butler Yeats

I whispered, 'I am too young,'

And then, 'I am old enough';

Wherefore I threw a penny

To find out if I might love.

'Go and love, go and love, young man,

If the lady be young and fair.'

Ay, penny, brown penny, brown penny,

I am looped in the loops of her hair.

O love is the crooked thing,

There is nobody wise enough

To find out all that is in it,

For he would be thinking of love

Till the stars had run away

And the shadows eaten the moon.

Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,

One cannot begin it too soon.

Catholic Class. part Deux.

We went to your second class last week. I have to say, I am loving this process. The Catholic church intends for this to be a time of learning and discernment. You want to be a part of this Church. Well, you need to time to wade in its waters. I love that.

So, this week we started, literally, at the beginning. Who is God. How do we know God? How has he revealed Himself?

We talked about creation and beauty. We talked about the Bible. We talked about Covenants.

Pretty much basic, orthodox, Christian faith.

It's good to be here. and wade in these waters.

fall!

we are enjoying these Fall days, after one HOT summer. hope you are, too.

I had a ROUGH week last week in the mommy department. Sunshine has been my therapy. Here's to a better week!

sisters and 8 month Amelia

from here to there

i think a lot about how we get from here to there. or from there to here. you get my drift.

I think a lot about this in regards to this new path we are on.

Over 7 years ago, I went to seminary. A presbyterian one. A place I learned very much. I went to a church in St. Louis that forever changed me. I have a deep love for that community. I literally dream about it sometimes, like encountering an old friend in a dream. I had a friend die in a plane crash when I was in college. Sometimes she visits me in dreams. I see her by the broccoli in the grocery store. I see her curly hair and try to figure out how she got there. I throw reason out the window and enjoy her presence. I don't understand it, but I welcome it. the mystery of it. her smile.

I think about Grace and Peace that way. I think, if we were THERE, would we be doing this? If we were anywhere else, would we be doing this? but this is a game one cannot play for too long, because, alas, we are not there. or anywhere else. we are here. living this life. this present life.

I don't know how to exist any other way.

And so here, in this place, we have hit dead ends. Places where our hearts were starving for spiritual food, and all we could find were crumbs. It's hard to even write those words- because I feel like this was more as a result of the condition of my own heart. I don't want to point fingers. Blame someone or something for my own malnourishment. But it is what it is, and I can nothing but move forward. Find a way. Feed myself.

But of course, I cannot feed myself from my own plate. It must come elsewhere, and so I sit at a stranger's table. It has potential to feel lonely. But they keep bringing me nourishment, and I feel full.

grateful.

along the road

We're on the front end of the long march towards being Catholic. Sometimes I imagine our sleep is like setting up camp for the night, and in my dreams, sometimes I just think about going back home. It's safer there.

But the dawn comes, and we march on. Sometimes slowly. Sometimes entire days are stayed in the same location. It's hard to travel with young children. The steps are slow and small.

With that said, I do want to share things I learn along the way. Perhaps even clear up misconceptions some may have (including myself).

Something I think a lot of people will find interesting- that I came across in my reading, which actually really encouraged my heart during this process.

Did any of you know about this document?

JOINT DECLARATION
ON THE DOCTRINE OF JUSTIFICATION

by the Lutheran World Federation
and the Catholic Church

I came across this in one of the books I was reading, and was floored by how little attention this has been given in the evangelical world. It was written in 1999. This document is so important because if you have studied the Reformation at all, you know that this was one of the key issues of Martin Luther and his persistence in the necessity of a Reformation. I won't relay the entire document here, but if you are interested, definitely check it out. I went to Seminary well past 1999 and never heard one iota about such a document. The Reformation is historical, and so is this. We should not leave it out. It's important.

From the document.

"In faith we together hold the conviction that justification is the work of the triune God. The Father sent his Son into the world to save sinners. The foundation and presupposition of justification is the incarnation, death, and resurrection of Christ. Justification thus means that Christ himself is our righteousness, in which we share through the Holy Spirit in accord with the will of the Father. Together we confess: By grace alone, in faith in Christ's saving work and not because of any merit on our part, we are accepted by God and receive the Holy Spirit, who renews our hearts while equipping and calling us to good works"

amen.

(click on blog title post for entire document)

whew

this has been one of those weeks where I have had to roll with the punches.

sometimes literally. (I have a feisty 2 year old).

For some time, I have had plans to fly to Georgia this weekend to see my cousin Matthew get married. A little over a year ago, on a rainy night- our last night of vacation in Georgia, I woke up to go to the bathroom, and my family was sitting around the kitchen table. My stomach sunk before I even had heard the news- but the news was that my cousin Matthew had been in a serious car accident, and he was literally fighting for his life.

So, I of course jumped at the chance to see this guy get married!!! The plans were in place, and then it all started falling a part. Sickness creeped in. Josh's mom got sick. The girls got sick. So, after my dad talked me off my emotional ledge,  I focused on the next task in front of me. I decided if I just kept doing that, and I got to 10 oclock the next day and was able to drive to the airport- then I would go!

Well, the morning arrived and the girls seemed on the mend. I sent Annie on her way to school, and then Millie and I made our way to the airport. We sat by the nicest lady who was on her way to Ghana for a mission trip. She held Millie the WHOLE WAY. It was so kind of her.

We arrived safely to Atlanta (I hate ATL airport, by the way). And started our festivities!  And then it happened. Millie started getting congested again. The fever started. And the night from hell ensued.

At 1 in the morning, I thought to myself- MY PLAN FAILED! HOW COULD I BE SO NAIIVE!!!

In a moment of genius, I put Amelia in her carseat, where she FINALLY fell asleep for 3 hours. At this point, she was comfortable enough to sleep in her crib. I slept. And sanity returned to my soul.

We had a lovely day yesterday. Relaxed. Took a walk. And enjoyed an amazing evening with my family! This weekend, I am meeting family that I have never met before, and it has been so special!

Amelia slept like a dream last night, and I would have, but I ate TOO much.

And I won't tell you how much we cried last night during all the speeches.

Today is the BIG DAY!!!

I am so glad I came. That I brought Millie. and that we have overcome our little bumps in the road.

A reminder, that all I have is the moment in front of me. I should savor it, or remind myself that it will pass (depending on what kind of moment it is!!!)

liturgy of a mother

one of my friend's commented on my previous post, calling my day "the liturgy of a mom". I loved that. A sense of ceremony given to my day. (a day that often feels mundane).

Last night as I was holding my feverish baby in the wee hours, I was reminded that liturgy is more than just the words or order- but it is about presence. In the middle of the night, all the tasks had been done, but what was needed was presence. And so, I held sweet Amelia until the Tylenol took the aches away, and she was able to settle (albeit restlessly) into sleep for a few hours.

Sometimes all we can do is be present. We may not have words, or even peace or contentment, but we can settle into the moment, and be there.

I was reminded last night, that really holding her in that moment was all that mattered. that's hard for me. As I am usually staring down my days like a long road set apart by mile markers- wondering when we'll hit a rest stop.

Being up all night is no fun, but the lessons it teaches me are good.

very good.

running in circles

I have entered into that stage of life where I literally feel like I am walking in circles.

Wake up.
start coffee.
make bottle.
watch madmen while feeding baby.
pause.
drink coffee.
annie wakes.
change diaper.
make breakfast.
wonderpets.
clean kitchen.
clean toys.
play.
clean toys.
snack.
clean toys.
shower. maybe.
clean toys.
is it nap time yet?
no.
clean toys.
lunch.
nap time.
I should be cleaning.
but I blog.
clean toys.
what? she's up already??
play.
clean toys.
melt down.
spanking.
think about dinner.
clean toys.
chores. I have to make this house look orderly before josh gets home.
clean everything.
enter josh.
I enter kitchen.
make dinner.
pray.
baths.
bedtime.
clean toys.