where I get really honest.

On this Holy Thursday.

I admit.

I have never washed another's feet.

I am called to serve others, as Christ did, but it is only in rare moments that I do it AS Christ would have.

I recently had to work on an oncology floor. I was supposed to be answering calls, it was a slow night in the nursery, and a busy one elsewhere.

I got a call.

It was room whatever, who knows, but when I walked in it was obvious what the problem was, the smell gave it away.

In my heart I had a choice- I could go get the nurse aid, who will wipe more adult bottoms this shift than I care to know about, or I can could get the job done. This sweet lady, old and tattered, needed cleaning.

I am more than qualified, so I go gather the needed things and go about answering the call.

Something in me knows that Christ made that choice. I am not proud, really, just so relieved He exists in me when I feel like I am so far from the mark.

Later that evening, a more disturbing scene. A woman who had gone to be with Jesus. Her body tells a sad story, pounds and pounds, heaps of pounds.

I wondered what she had been trying to feed all of her life.

the hunger, I imagine.

we are so hungry.

The nurse aid asked for my help. And we cleaned her. Her family weeping. They asked to be gentle. Was there any other way?

I have plenty of other admissions, too. and questions.

This week, as I went to Target for what felt like the millionth time, I felt like I was ready to turn it all in. Pack us all up. Move somewhere that felt more holy.

Give up my first world guilt, trade it in for some real life. real people. real problems.

On Holy Thursday I admit,

We have some things to think about.

How to live. To serve.

I admit.

I have no idea how.

life

this is our life, lately. staring outside, wondering when we will get to enjoy warm weather!!! Can you tell I am over it?

Luckily we have these sweet little munchkins to spend our days with, even if they do keep us up all hours of the night. I blame that on the weather, too. 

happy monday, folks. 

Hosanna!

cold spring

We drove home in sleet, from our little spring break getaway. It was a getaway, but it was cold. SO TIRED OF COLD!!!!

BUT, spent some much needed time with my sister and mom, and the littles all running around everywhere. It was chaos, but the kind that is mostly sweet. and exhausting.

Beach vacations where you read and sip drinks are for when the kids are grown or more grown than mine. For now, it is chaos. and it's supposed to be. sweet, exhausting chaos.

I feel like the writing has been a bit dull around loveintheruins. Winter starts to feel like a cave one might never escape- which is why I am so thankful the last two weeks have been spent with family. My kids are grateful. I am grateful.

Holy week starts this Sunday, and it's hard to believe that its been one year since we wandered our way into the Catholic Church.

I wish I could say its been all that I had dreamed, but though the peace remains, the pilgrimage that seems to characterize all of our days in Tulsa, still remains.

Tulsa, my refiners fire.

This year I lost two very dear friends to TEXAS. Oh Texas, I have words for you.

But the story keeps moving, the pages keep turning, new chapters pop up when the one I am in seems to never end.

It is fitting that I enter Holy Week with this ragged feeling in my gut.

The short temper. The sighs. The impatience.

The cross is where all that finds reconciliation. and hope.

where all sad things come untrue (lord of the rings reference)- or at least the promise of that is paid for.

For now, it's Friday. Spring break. It's raining, and we won't even see 50 degrees today.

That's ok, we'll hunker down.

As they say, " it's friday now, but sunday's a comin"

daily dish

I am not even unsure what that means??

How about some odd and ends?

Let's talk about candles....

I have searched high and low for candles that work.

I have used Voluspa candles in the past, you can get them here.

They smell really good and last a long time.

BUT, I have to tell you, I just discovered these little beauties.

Tyler Candles

These really work! I just bought the french market scent- and I went ahead and went for the big jar because they had such great reviews.

Let's see, how about some smoothies?

We've been having one a day around here.

Smoothie Recipe a la Jared:

Frozen, pineapple, peach and mango frozen fruit (you can get a big bag of this combo at target or walmart)

Simply Orange with Mango

Greek Yogurt- non fat plain or vanilla

water

* I typically fill my blender 3/4 fill with fruit, dump 2 big spoonfuls of yogurt, pour some OJ, maybe a cup or so, and fill the rest with water. I have found if I almost cover the frozen fruit with liquid, it blends up beautifully. This makes enough for the whole family, or freeze the leftovers for later!

lent, and spring peaking through

It's been quiet and kind of boring around here the past few weeks. It's been cold, for one, which has almost sent me to crazy house a few times. Small kids and coughs and cold weather make for lots of indoor time and blue's clues.

That, coupled with our lenten fasting of meat (for josh) and sweets (for me) has made for lots of down time with no comfort food! Which is good, actually, as it seems to suit its purpose.

I have actually never practiced lent in the fasting sense, and not sure that it should really even be talked about (that whole, fasting in secret, brush your hair, etc part in the gospels...) I imagine that its because fasting should never be a source of pride, but more of private practice, not drawing attention to it. I get that, but I'll be first to say- I need me a brownie!!!

Seriously, though, its been a good practice, and maybe I will gather some thoughts about that sooner than later.

I mostly just wanted to check in. Happy Monday.