I have come here many days during lent, only to turn away. the words just never could find there way out, and I thought this might be like a gift, you know. To stay true to my intentions. being present.
words for me are my like a garden. Sometimes they form and make beautiful things, but sometimes they are diseased, or the rabbits get into them and steal their beauty.
I am learning that good words and thoughts are sometimes best held captive until the right time. the time, for me, is kind of elusive, but they eventually form. create. speak.
if only to me.
I have been thinking so much about lent, and our journey into the Catholic Church. I want to share so many things, but all my efforts end up in silence.
This has been such a long conversation, so to speak. people ask us why?- and I usually just say exactly like- that's a really long conversation.
Josh and I started it over 5 years ago, but really- it began even sooner, we just didn't have words for it, then.
I also, with every sincere bone in my body, want to protect my heritage. The Church, has always been a family to me. It has protected me from my earliest years. I will forever cherish those beautiful hymns in the Methodist Church. I will always admire the theological ardency of my Presbyterians. I will always (ironically) be inspired by the Reformation and the beauty that came out of that period. And likewise, I will always, I believe, grieve and be grasping for straws until heaven- at how messed up it all is. I grieve over the fighting. the disputes. the arrogance.
I think I read recently a quote by Anne Lamott, "we are all just walking each other home".
I get that.
I am just trying to get home.
I really try to abstain from being preachy around here, but I do have something to say.
Be kind to your friends. As Josh says, God isn't up there playing "gotcha". It has never been about us getting it right.
Jesus got it right.
One day, and I don't know if it will be here or some other venue, I will share about how my way home ended up on the door steps of the Catholic Church.
I'll share how Mary has become a comforting doctrine. and how Jesus has become bigger than he has ever been for me.
I'll share how I have been deeply at peace from the moment we stepped into those doors.
Until then, if ever, when ever, I continue to manage the chaos. feed the babes. wipe their bottoms. I continue to struggle with that edge in my voice when my world feels frustrating and tired. I continue to fight that battle of comparing, worrying, judging, and a million other daily sins.
I rest in the lenten season, where my sin is resting in the promise and hope that it is redeemed.
This week, we spent seven glorious days in Birmingham. We visited with friends. Visited all our favorite spots. We introduced Annie to those beautiful botanical gardens- which, when asked what was her favorite part of vacation, she said "Our WALKS!". (we went 3 times)
We are good tired.
