juno

i have been waiting to see this movie for awhile now- and it was worth the wait. Ellen Page was amazing. clever, witty. All the supporting actors/actresses were really good, too. I realize I am pretty bad at film reviews. I don't even really like film reviews. i saw it. i liked it. That's it.

I also finally got to see Once this past week. GO RENT this FILM. today. It is really a beautiful film, and the music is amazing. My music abilities are itsy bitsy, 10 long years of piano lessons, and I got nothing. I see people playing the piano, and I can see how they just get it, you know. All that to say, I really envy the community of music, and I wish I could partake in it somehow. And I do, I suppose, by listening- and I will continue to do so. This film was a beautiful story about two people finding a voice and telling that story. I kind of felt my heart breaking the whole time. in a good way.

back

we made it back today from our Holiday travels. I got sick, so its all kind of foggy to me- but we had a good time, played lots of games- one of which is the "new" UNO. It might not be so new, but its been jazzed up a bit since my elementary school days (which is the last time I played). At any rate, I don't know if I was just delusional from being sick, or if my mom just cracks me up, but we had a good time. The wine probably helped.

Here are some photos from the trip home. I didn't edit many of them. it's hard to help bad lighting and sick photographer. I didn't really try.

Christmas. I have so many thoughts about this time of year. I don’t feel like I have partaken of the festive elements this year as much. I feel like I am wading through some fairly complex emotions this year, too, which has made things seem strange, and yet oddly real- like I really NEED Christmas. I need help. I need forgiveness. I feel badly for things I have said, thoughts I have had, being harsh, unkind, the list goes on. I feel like I need to write a global apology letter. Please forgive me for all things rude, impatient, unkind. I have been all, and million other things.

The good news is I found some new found freedom this year to give simply. I made things and framed my photos, made recipe books, and bought good wine. Things that I love, I gave to people I love, and I hope I can keep things as simple in the years to come.

Looking forward to being with family. Taking a long walk. listening to the last few days of wintery holiday music. taking a break from work. drinking some hot coffee from my favorite corporate giant (starbucks).

2007 will be over soon, and as much as it has taught me, I am glad to see it go. I hope this year brings us a bigger family, whatever way that might occur. Until then, josh and I (and the lovely welsie) wish you well. Merry Christmas!

got my camera back.

well, they replaced my shutter. seems to be back in business.

nostalgia

I found this lovely site today. I guess this couple started this thing where they host house concerts. I watched Pierce Pettis, today, and it was really nice. Pierce has been a favorite of mine for a long time. His music is so nostalgic- always taking me back to some tender moment- even if it was a broken one. Anyway, thought I would share.

tree

i like this picture.

christmas music i like

despite my apparent grinch-i-ness, I am wrapping presents today. I have the lights on. and I am listening to some good christmas music. "snow angels" and "the darkest nite of the year"- two great wintery/holiday/christmas-ish albums by over the rhine. you should listen.


one way to listen, free, is Rhapsody online. I think you get 25 free "streams" a month, or you can subscribe to unlimited. This is great for me, because most of the music I listen to is on the computer, and I can avoid impulse purchases because I just have to hear that whatever. However, I am all for supporting bands you like, with money. I do that, too.

language

I am seeing more and more how I don't have words for things that I used to. Especially in regards to spiritual language. I find myself saying, I just don't know what that means. I think we end up taking on spiritual language, much like we do English (or whatever you speak). Someone we love, speaks to us, tells us they love us, teaches us how to say dog, cat, what have you. And before you know, we are a little talking person, armed with words, and southern twang to boot (if you are lucky).

I guess many people, along the way, have given me words to speak about God. If I admired them, I probably adopted their language, or at least some of their words, and used them as my own. I don't know what it is about words that can connect something inside and make it more of a reality- but sometimes it seems to do so.

But lately, I feel like my language is changing- it's not that I don't borrow words, I do. I am just borrowing new ones. The old ones feel cliche. like "what is your ministry", or "the gospel"- I just don't know what that means really. or maybe it just means too much.

lately, my language is more internal. or long sighs (my favorite professor said he thought these were little prayers). I adopt josh's words- Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner. I say prayers like, Lord, I have no idea what I am doing. I feel tired of "church" (note: big global church) and everybody feeling they have to be right about you. I feel grief for how broken this all feels. I feel like I want to worship in a place where I can say these things out loud, but I don't feel like I have that right now. I feel frustrated that my words don't match my longing.

i don't know alot about the church calendar, except that I grow to love and lean on it more and more. maybe, just maybe it is the wisdom of the church (in all its folly), to tell us the story, year after year,of redemption. maybe the church knew, people like me would lose their words, and this story- would be told despite my mute tongue. maybe the church knew that we might find comfort in a season of waiting. i say this every year during advent, but josh once told me that advent reminds us that some tears don't get wiped away until heaven. those words, i get.

BIG HUGE LABS

just playing around. I like this site

kind of glad?

I bought a second camera a couple of months ago, because I was starting to shoot some weddings alone. It was canon's new 40d, several steps up from my xti (which I adore), and I have been trying really hard to adore it (the 40d). really hard. I can't really explain it, but something has felt off about this camera from the get go. All the reviews I had read were great, but me, I was secretly using my (now beat up ragged looking) xti. ALOT. more than I should having a newer, shinier, camera.

and then yesterday. it just quit. I have had it all of 60 days and something is bad wrong. I think my instincts were right. it was a dud camera. a really nice dud camera.

so off it goes to New Jersey today, where I have begged in a letter to send me a camera by Friday (preferably a new, non dud version), as I have a wedding on Saturday.

I still have the trusty xti, which I would have secretly shot with anyway.

sweet