it's very quiet right now which makes me think my chilrin are up to no good. I am not done with my coffee and Dora is here to babysit, so it's all good. That Dora, teaching my kids to be bilingual. How can I ever thank her?
So, it may be too soon to write about this, but I break enough rules on a daily basis anyway, so what the heck.
One of the more beautiful and challenging things we have thought through since becoming Catholic has been the theology of life. family. and children. This is all woven together, but you get my drift. I know, eyes rolling as you imagine the Duggers, with all 19? 20? Who knows how many children. That's a lot. I am too old for all that, but anyway…
So the happy news is that I was pregnant, and then the sad news is that I wasn't. Yes, we had a early miscarriage over the weekend. Yes, it was sad. And yes, I am doing ok.
We had decided in early January that we would trust God and be open to expanding our family. If you have been on my journey at all, as in the puking for 9 months journeys with both of my girls, you know this decision was made in much trepidation. If you've been on this blog for a LONG time, you also know about the 3 years we cried out for a baby.
God gave us these beautiful girls. And the chapter just didn't seem to be closed.
As we made the decision, I felt my heart become at peace. This happens, not all the time, but often, when we give our trust to God and not ourselves.
And then the test was positive, several months later. I was scared. happy. really scared.
And then sad.
There are so many questions? You open your heart, and then it gets filled with a difficult burden.
You open your heart to life, but only to lose it?
These things are a mystery, but like all suffering, it also makes me closer to Christ. Our suffering is never alone in the Cross. It is always shared.
So that's it. I feel at peace. I am reasonably sad, and then life carries on. We all hold hands together.
I really love this little blog that I found, and I think you might like this video. Enjoy!
(disclaimer- this is not anti- protestant propaganda. you may disagree with some things she says. that's ok. let's all be friends:)
