So, I kind of dance through life hoping that generally things work out for the best. Well, DANCE, might be a bit of a stretch- but I guess what I am getting at is that I don't really worry too much about HOW things happen, as long as they do. For example- don't really care about how the dishwasher gets loaded. I am just happy that I have a dishwasher, and that occasionally someone else is willing to load for me. I could use a number of examples, but the thing that has been on the brain more so as of late, is of course the whole baby thing- and well, that small detail that it eventually comes out.
My friends generally fall into two categories on this issue. One extreme (all natural) to the other (I don't want to feel a thing). The problem with my thinking on this is that I have assumed the whole issue here was simply about pain- one group willing, perhaps even wanting to experience it- and the other not wanting to. I, of course, feel like this has been painful enough- and had assumed the issue was solved for me. epidural please, thank you very much.
I have also avoided these conversations because one group tends to make me feel guilty for not wanting to experience every iota of pain associated with giving birth, and the other group makes me feel like I have given up my role in the process- so until now, I have just put all my thoughts on the shelf, and lived a life full of nausea and denial that I will have to face the inevitable.
Well, after my first visit with my new OB, I knew it was time to face the music. Thankfully, my doctor has taken some of the decision making out of my hands- as he doesn't induce, and he doesn't do c-sections (unless, of course, he has to.) He did really encourage a bradley class and getting a doula- but he also said he had no problem letting me have an epidural. This all seemed like a happy medium to me.
As I felt more comfortable with the idea of actually giving birth, I have at least come to the realization that being educated is good, and it's best to make informed decisions- however scary the outcome may be.
So, my first step was to watch this documentary- The business of being born. Anyone having a child should watch this documentary. It's obviously slanted towards the home birth movement, but I found it really informative- and oddly, I found myself being really interested in midwifery. Go figure.
It also sheds light on the path obstetrics has taken in the last 30-40 years. The c-section rate alone has gone from something like 4% to 46%. In Europe and Asia- c-section rates still remain very low. I also found it interesting that the U.S. has one of the highest infant mortality rates for developed countries. Scary.
Much of this is attributed to way obstetrics is being practiced. I won't go into that here- but I have to say that what I was hearing made complete sense- and it made me wonder if our doctors don't often cause more trauma and drama, than if we had taken things slower with less intervention.
I really appreciated this film because it did show the need for intervention as well. One midwife, after arriving to a premature labor situation and finding the baby to be breech- immediately took the woman to the hospital, where she was delivered via c-section emergently. The outcome was good- but not have been had the midwife not known her limitations. I loved that.
But most of all, I just really appreciated and learned that the whole birth process and decision making is not just about pain. It's about knowing about what's going on, how different drugs may effect outcomes-what your rights are as a patient. All of these things were really helpful to me.
So, like I said, this is a great documentary. It's biased, and that's okay. I knew that before I watched it. It's graphic- lot's of babies being born in bathtubs. I cried every time, but I still don't think it's for me. I do feel like I got new information, and I plan to follow up those questions with my doctor. I didn't know what sort of questions to ask before watching this, and I am thankful that it got my wheels turning.
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I shudder to think what would have happened to us if Carrie had been born in a bathtub. We would both be dead and David would be alone. I had a beautiful low-risk pregnancy, but emergencies happen, I guess. I couldn't have made it to the hospital in time,
I get so angry when people try to force their opinions on this issue. I don't think you can really know what you will do until you get there. No guilt. You do what you do. (Hopefully, not in the bathtub, but that might be my own bias speaking.) I am so thankful for competent obstetric surgeons, though. Mine was God-given.
hey susan
I actually thought about you while I was watching this- and I have used you already many a time in defending my own desire to be in a hospital. If anything, I have been more close minded to the other extreme, so it was helpful for me to see things from a different place. But I totally agree with you- I don't think any of us should put pressure on anyone to do things one way or the other. I am more admitting my own ignorance, my fears of exploring the whole picture. I hope that came across in the post.
I'm glad you watched it. I think people ought to be informed, but people make choices all the time and I don't fault one person for eating at McDonalds too much or whatever. Everything in our lives seems like a cost-benefit analysis, a balance of risks. I am probably more of an evangelist for car seat safety and keeping kids in five point harnesses as long as possible because that's a bigger risk!
I loved my home birth, but I'm not militant. There were a certain set of circumstances that led me there, with that baby, in that place. I am not sure I'd do the same here in different circumstances. Anyhow, I do think moms should trust their instincts and their bodies and not let doctors boss them around. The best doctors are ones that you trust enough that if they tell you, "this is what you and your baby need" you know without hesitation that they are telling you the truth, and not doing something for their own convenience, to go home earlier or to be able to go to sleep. Your bradley promoting doctor sounds top notch. Unfortunately I have heard of a lot of OB/GYNs who aren't. It's the one specialty you can be sued for 18 years after delivery. And C-sections are in their control much more than natural deliveries. On some levels I understand why things are the way they are. People are afraid of being sued.
I am definitely glad for good doctors and obstetric surgeons, but I am also thankful for good midwives and their extensive training. All of the midwives I know routinely transfer patients for high risk indicators, some who go on to have emergency c-sections, others who labor a bit more in the hospital and are able to deliver vaginally.
hey kristen-
how funny. you were the OTHER person that was on my mind as I watched this film. I like what you had to say, too.
I was super impressed with the midwives in that film. I don't think I realized how well equipped they were- they were really good, and I would have felt totally comfortable in their care- no doubt. I never thought I would feel that way before this film- which is ironic, given that I am nurse, and given that I have worked with nurses that I would trust with my life, and worked with doctors that I would not let touch me with a ten foot pole!
At the same time, given that I am a nurse, I have seen situations-where things turn south quickly- and I am not sure that is a hurdle I can get over.
At any rate, I am happy and eager to enter into the conversation- and appreciate your experience so much. I think your story and susan's are great examples of both sides of the coin. I am thankful for both! Feel free to pass on any more literature that might continue to educate me:) I need all the help I can get!
I really like the Thinking Woman's Guide To Childbirth by Henci Goer. And we really enjoyed our Bradley classes too.
Interestingly, the newest midwife in town was a nurse at UAB for a long time and then did all the midwifery training. She still works as a nurse PT. I wish UAB had not cancelled the nurse midwifery program. I also wish that Alabama was not one of the midwifery unfriendly states. I hope Oklahoma has better options!
My midwife had a lot of gear and meds with her, and because she practices in a state where midwifery is illegal, she had to get it all under the table from friends in other states and doctors who are sympathetic, etc. That really makes me upset. She "practices medicine without a license" at great risk to herself and her very large family because she believes God called her to serve women. The thought that someone could go after this amazing woman and throw her in jail... ARGH! That's what pisses me off. Not people who get epidurals ;)
Two things in the interest of full-disclosure and then I'm out.
What happened to me happens to fewer than 2% of women and my case was particularly grave. Also, the risk of that particular complication increases slightly when you're induced, and I was.
I had two obstetric surgeons, two anesthesiologists, a neonatologist, four labor and delivery nurses, four NICU nurses and an respiratory therapist present at my delivery. (Not to mention the scrub techs and such.) No midwife can cover that much ground. Even if I had been transported from somewhere else, Carrie would have died or have been seriously brain damaged.
No one wants that kind of delivery. It robs you of your dream, really. She's 6 weeks old and last week was the first week I didn't cry about it every day.
I totally understand why someone would want to be at home and having a midwife seems so much more peaceful and sensible. I get that. It makes me feel so helpless to think that a doctor would take the opportunity for a natural birth away from you because he or she wanted to hit the beach early. It's a robbery. But I know it happens.
It's a difficult issue on many levels.
I lied, but this really is it. If having your baby at a hospital is like eating at McDonald's and eating at McDonalds could save my baby's life, then supersize that mo fo and I'll see you at the second window.
Kristen, I kid. I know that wasn't the point you were trying to make.
It really does boil down to risk-analysis. But next time, you better believe I'm scheduling a section. I've had enough drams for one life.
Yes, a midwife doesn't induce, and they would have transferred you to a doctors care when you were on bed rest. Because they know that there are some babies that need to be born in hospitals.
Midwives do the same prenatal care, and most people in Alabama double up and get prenatal care from an ob/gyn as well, as insurance covers it, and they are afraid of being transferred to the hospital and not being able to show proof of prenatal care. (As the midwives records cannot be shared with the hospital, since practicing midwifery is illegal.)
Susan, my McDonalds comment was directed to the use of epidurals. An epidural increases your risk of c-section, and of maternal and infant death SLIGHTLY. Just like eating at McDonalds regularly slightly increases your risk of heart disease, etc.
No one is advocating a system where women are forced to homebirth. I fully support a woman's right to choose to birth where she is most comfortable doing so. I hate hospitals, I hate needles, the time I gave birth in the hospital they had to stick me six times and ended up putting in IV in my hand, etc. Some people find the equipment and the noise comforting. Some people want to have an epidural (or need to! there are circumstances!) and they should be able to choose to do so.
But every single study has always found the midwifery gives better care to women with better outcomes. All I want is for that to be a legal, respected CHOICE. Not forced on anyone.
I am a fan of midwifery care and dreamed of a homebirth. But while my husband would go with our government provided midwife, he wouldn't go with a homebirth for what will be the first child we will hopefully meet this side of eternity. Considering our third world clinic of a hospital is closing and a new one that everyone says is better opens in time for the birth, I'm okay with that.
Unfortunately, my midwife experience was not at all like my sister-in-laws. My midwife had more a doctor's attitude, the whole "you just lay back in the stirrups and I'll do the deciding", so we fired her. She wouldn't even honor my charting (nor did she have a clue how to read it), which I'd done according to Toni Weschler's book, and that meant she would probably want to schedule an induction almost two weeks before I'm even technically due. I am so glad we gave her the boot.
Now I'm with a maternity doctor who partners with a midwife and answered all my questions the way I had hoped, plus she honored my chart and actually knew how to read it. (We don't get an Ob/Gyn in British Columbia, Canada unless there are complications, but instead get a family/general physician who specializes in maternity care.) Most doctors around here think a birthing stool is a fecal sample, but this doctor actually not only knew what it was, but she brings one with her for her patient! I love that she is all about what typically is considered midwifery philosophy, totally supports my desire for a natural birth, but has the competence to step in and do something if that doesn't work out for me physically.
I have had to fight for every inch of the care I've gotten here. (You have no idea how envious I was of you and other moms who got to see their babies at a first ultrasound. I asked for a 12 week one mainly to calm my emotional heart, but my midwife refused! My maternity doctor would have given me one had I gotten there in time, but had to just sign me up for the 20 week one. And I'm NOT in the camp that believes ultrasounds are bad. When they can help the mommy who has already lost a wee one sleep at night, they are soooo worth it. And don't even get me started on how I was so sick that I lost 14 pounds, but the midwife would do NOTHING about it.) But I'm grateful that this area not only supports midwives, but pays for them just the same as regular maternity doctors.
As for the Bradley classes, my brother highly recommends them, as does his wife. They homebirthed three children, and both said the their Bradley preparation aided them immensely. We don't have a class within a driveable distance for us, but are trying to learn as much as we can from books and friends who have taken the class. I like most of it, but think their protein suggestions are a bit much, as is Dr. Bradley's idea about women's underwear. That's just weird. (You'll have to read his "husband coached childbirth" book to see what I mean.)
Through this long process, I've come to see how very personal and individual each woman's birth process is and should be. We shouldn't be forced to do any one thing, but should have the freedom to make informed choices that best suit our physical and emotional needs, and those of our baby's.
It's been neat to watch your process of prenatal care, especially as you had to be brave and move doctors when you made the move to Tulsa. I hope you get to thoroughly enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, and then this little one who is about to grace you guys with her presence.
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