I am not even trying to console myself- I don't think I am supposed to. I know it will be okay- it's just today, the tears have nothing else to do but fall.
My sweet dog is so disoriented. She awakes at every sound, and I find her big face in front of mine in the middle of the night, as if she is trying to tell me- you know, mom, this is not my home.
Well, it is home- and I keep trying to comfort her, but it's going to take her some time too. I am a lot like her, too. Leaning into Josh, telling him- this isn't home, yet. What am I to do?
There are no answers here. We do the work of entering in to life. We let God lead our steps. We get to understand a little more deeply what it feels like to be a stranger- which can only help me feel more compassion for those who walk a similar road.
I am so thankful for Josh. He knows me well. He saw that the tears were not ending, and he said, how about a walk. So we took our first walk around the neighborhood. People smiled, loved our dog, we admired the houses and said several times how thankful we were to be walking in a neighborhood. Quiet. but not too quiet. Folks were already starting their July 4th festivities. I imagine them showing up at their friends' homes, after a long day of work- looking forward to the long weekend. The wind was blowing, and people were sipping on drinks. They looked happy, and it made me smile- which was no small feat today. not small at all.
2 comments :
Oh Brooke. I know, I know. I'm praying for you, my friend. It's OK to cry.
Friend, I've cried similar tears, and I won't tell you that it'll get better with time because it may not. But what I can say is that the Lord hasn't forgotten you and knows what you need. He may provide that through Josh rather than through a pack of new friends, but He will provide. If you need an ear, give me a call. I've gotten really good at crying with folks on the phone : ) Praying for you.
Post a Comment