phase one.

I feel like I can confidently start writing about this, because I have a small amount of confidence that I have not had, and a long enough way to go to keep me humble. I have tried, perhaps too hard sometimes, to be honest on this blog, and share my life. so here's what's been happening...

so, around October of this past year, I slammed up against a wall.

3 years of infertility.
a move to middle america.
2 hard pregnancies.
Alopecia diagnosis
and a spiritual crisis later.

I was done. mentally. physically. spiritually.

I needed a major lifestyle change.

I had played around with weight watchers. I had joined a gym, which totally stressed me out to GET to- just wrangling the kids and getting there was enough to send me straight to the donut shop.

anyway, my point being, that I was unhappy with the way my life "felt", from the inside out. I was tired. stressed. and lethargic. and physically, I just wanted to be a better me.

so, enters phase 1.

I knew from the get go, that I HAD to get physical activity back into my life. And I knew, I KNEW, it had to be something attainable. something accessible. Something that didn't require me to transport kids in anything, to anywhere. I needed to do it every day. and I needed to sweat.

With two kids in diapers (at the time, thankfully one has graduated!), even getting the kids dressed for a walk was sketchy- and with this wild Oklahoma weather, it just wasn't something I could depend on every. single. day.

I knew, at least for phase 1, it had to be this way.

So, enters spin bike and my trusty POLAR heart rate monitor.

About 14 weeks ago, I started riding that bike every day, usually taking at least 1 day off. sometimes 2. But for 14 weeks, I have consistently hopped on my bike, and rode. and sweat. It has helped my mental state more than you know.

I wanted (and still want) all the benefits of exercising- one of them being weight loss- but phase one was not about that. If anything, I wanted to see what exercise looked like without me changing much of anything else. For me, I have learned that major overhauls last about a week for me- and this was about a major life change. I was (and am) willing to take it slow to see what actually works. What  I can keep. What I can't.

And that's where I am, as I enter phase 2.

And what's phase 2?

Dropping the poundage.

But I am not facing it with dread. Which is great! I feel like I have this great accomplishment under my belt, something I KNOW will help me in the coming months.

What I learned from phase 1 was that as much as I like those brownies in a cup (thanks, pinterest!), I can't have that every night. Or any dessert every night. I can't drink sweet tea every day. If I am honest, which I am trying to be, I was doing this more than I care to admit.

I also just can't have cookies and cakes around. I just eat them. they are too good. I have weak when they are near. I am powerless in their presence. and that is not an exaggeration.

So phase 2 will be a work in progress. Learning what I can have and what I can't.

I am keeping my coffee with the hazelnut creamer. just so you know.

I don't know if I'll try and sneak something small in each  day, or have one cheat day a week and eat as I wish- but I do promise to check in several months from now and let you know how it all went down.

What I won't be doing is telling you how to change your life. We all have lives and we all know what it takes to get through the day. People are strangely and beautifully different. I won't be telling you to give up your sugar, and never eat flour again. I'll share what is working for me, and most likely how I took the long road in getting there. For some of you, you might to do good to eat MORE brownies. Who knows, but what I do know is that food is a beautiful thing to be enjoyed, and phase 2 is about getting that right. at least right for me.

I am ok with it being long, as long as I get there.

I'm gonna get there.

I don't know what phase 3 is, but I think it has something to do with God. but we'll see when we get there.

thanks for letting me share.