some news

This is more of an informational post than anything.

I'm going to keep it brief, because I am way too emotional right now and there is no way to keep that from bleeding into a long post.

We found out Friday that Josh has a spinal tumor in the L1 portion of his spine. This is the lowest part of the spine.

Josh has had back pain for about a year, and through some follow-up appt's, had an MRI about a month ago. We were told it was a spinal cyst, that it needed attention, but not to be alarmed.

Well, it's not a cyst, it's a fairly large tumor. However, the dr. DOES think he can remove it entirely and he DOES think it most likely benign.

this is good news.

So, Josh is having surgery on Nov 21.

We are praying for:
- complete removal/ and benign
- no/minimal neuro deficits
- no infection

I don't think I will be posting much until we are on the other side of this surgery. As you can imagine, we are shaken, but not beat down. (although, I certainly feel like it at some moments)

Josh is doing great and is being strong and brave. I am probably not doing much to bolster his confidence with my incessant crying. I bawled throughout my entire spin cycle workout this morning, just to give you an idea of my emotional state.

Josh has had to weather some scary stuff with me. When Annie was barely alive at birth and I was unconscious- he had the scariest decision he had ever faced. Do I stay- or go the with new baby? He went with Annie, because that is what you do- but that was not easy.

This is not easy, either.

I have never been one to memorize lots of scripture. I always felt the Bible read more like a story, and to take it apart out of its context, I don't know, It took some of the beauty out of it for me.

However, I did memorize Psalm 139 when I was in college, because it is just so beautiful, and reads like it was written by angels.

Last night, when I was in bed, I can't explain it, but  those words just flooded over me, like they were being sung to me by angels.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

   Or where shall I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

⁹If I take the wings of the morning

   and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

¹⁰even there your hand shall lead me,

   and your right hand shall hold me.

¹¹If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,

   and the light about me be night,"

¹² even the darkness is not dark to you;

   the night is bright as the day,

   for darkness is as light with you.

 ¹³For you formed my inward parts;
   you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.¹⁴I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^[a] Wonderful are your works;
   my soul knows it very well.¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
   intricately woven in the depths of the earth.¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
   the days that were formed for me,
   when as yet there was none of them.

thank you in advance for your prayers. I promise to update when we are on the other side of this surgery.