getting closer

I am at the point in this pregnancy, where the nights seem to last forever. Between Amelia karate chopping me for the first two hours, and Annie waking up 5 times, and me being supported by large number of pillows....well, you get my drift.

I hit a point of weariness this weekend. and there were tears. Tears because though I am not "sick" anymore, I still am fairly picky about what I feel like eating, and would prefer a feeding tube at this point. Tears for lack of sleep and a karate chopping baby in utero. Tears for Annie because she is sick and needy, and bald- and all of those things I wanted to change. Tears because I find this stage of life incredibly challenging, and constant death of self is enough to warrant plenty of tears on any given day. Tears because I work night shift, and lately it just feels like torture to work ALL NIGHT LONG. Thankfully, I have had a bit of a respite, and have been off for two weeks- mostly due to luck and a low amount of babies being born in the last two weeks. Tears for home, for old friends, old churches. Tulsa continues to feel like my wilderness, and I try diligently to not wish our time here away, but I have my days, where I long for the landscape and culture of my home. my friends. my family. my history.

So there you go. Every now and then, you just have to tell it like it is. No worries, the self pity will pass, it always does. But sometimes you just miss things, and feel bad, and wish things were slightly different. That's ok.

It's a beautiful day here. We'll probably visit the dr. with hopes for a medicinal cure for sweet Annie and her little fever. PBS kids will help me survive the morning. and all will be well.