nice

Well, my little vacation was great. It took me a couple of days to unwind, but by yesterday I was feeling the vacation love. I am still feeling sub par,  but I was thankful for the days of sitting under the umbrella, listening to the waves, reading a good book. This  next week will be crazy, and by the end of it, I will be living in Tulsa. I can't get that straight in my head, so I am just going to let it come, however it may.

offline

I am unplugging for a few days.  reading. sitting. being.

"I've long since stopped feeling guilty about be-ing time; it's something we all need for our spiritual health, and often we don't take enough of it...When I am constantly running there is no time for being. When there is no time for being there is no time for listening. I will never understand the silent dying of the green pie-apple tree if I don't slow down and listen to what the Spirit is telling me, telling me of the death of trees, the death of planets, of people, and what all these deaths mean in light of love of the Creator who brought them all in to being; who  brought me into being; and you. The questioning of meaning of being, and dying, and being......is part of the deepest longing of the human psyche, a recurrant ache in the hearts of all God's creatures"

madeleine l'engle from Walking on Water

let the packing begin...

We started the ominous process of packing this week. I do not like packing at all. It reveals WAY too much. How much crap we have for one. Oh well, it has to be done.

I generally like Summer a lot, especially early Summer. I love the water and warm breezes. Cold drinks. I think I am starting to feel a bit of the craziness that comes with feeling bad for 9 straight weeks. I really, really need and want to feel better. I hear it's coming. I am trying to believe it! I really to have a healthy respect for those who fight illness on a daily basis. It really reveals a part of our existence that was not meant to be. Seems like a dominant theme this week- death, sickness, loss. This week was not helped at all by the news that I heard this morning- the death of Tim Russert.  Sunday morning news is one my favorite things to watch- and I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Tim Russert. He was pretty much my number one informant on all things political. I liked the way he interviewed, and he seemed like a genuine man. I am sad, that he, too, was taken at such a young age.

Lot's of , "why, God?", this week.

The good news, is that I am going to the beach for a few days. My sweet friend Carrie has offered a bed at their house for part of this week, and even though I have SO much to do, I feel like this might be the one thing that puts some spring back into my step. So white, sandy beach, here I come- with my chair and hat, book and sunscreen.  I am white as a ghost, with a bulging belly to boot (and not the cute kind, yet)- and I don't even care. 

AND, one last thing, the dr. called back with the results from our screening. ALL looks good- which is wonderful news. Baby Jared is growing just fine and healthy.

heavy heart

Someone I don't know very well died yesterday. He was one of those people who knew almost everyone I was close to, but for whatever reason our paths rarely crossed- which was most definitely to my loss. The words I have read about him today have made me feel deep sorrow. Sorrow for death. Sorrow for a wife who lost her best friend. Sorrow for the utter shock that death brings- Sorrow that leaves no words. Sorrow that leaves tears that can only we wiped away by heaven.

I have been so stone cold lately. so cold with fear and worst case scenarios. I found out this news yesterday just minutes before I went to see our baby. I think I was so overwhelmed, that I just couldn't take it all in. life and death. beauty and sorrow. 

sometimes life just aches. today is one of those days.