no one told me that my 30's would bring the creeping anxiety. There has been enough bad news over the past month to make me crawl in a hole. Never drive. Never let me kids leave the house. you get it. you know it, too. If you are living, you know it.
But you can't stay there, I know I can't. How people get to that is different, but for me, it's faith in something that is bigger than me. It's waking up, and believing that God loves me. That whatever comes our way, we can held by His love.
I don't know how you get there when your baby gets shot by a mad man, or your wife gets killed in the car you were driving. Or you get the "news" that changes everything.
For us, it's a tumor the size of a pea, that for the most part is causing no problems at all, and may never cause a problem at all.
but it's the knowing, that something doesn't belong.
but the cracks in all our lives are filled with this. the knowing.
Sometimes it is more acute than others. For me, the last few weeks have been that way.
I ask God, when I am brave enough, "why?" Why so much pain? Why am I so scared?
I feel the weight of the world piling on, and then I remember- the weight is on Him.
This is a mystery.
But I am letting Him have it.
at least I am going to give it a good try.
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