courage

Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage- Brene Brown

I know Brene Brown is all the rage, and I have been meaning watch one of her TED talks when I have the time, and I actually did start the other day, but got distracted. I did hear this quote, though, and I have been thinking about it  a lot, because vulnerability, though you would think I would be comfortable with it given my claim to such a life on this blog- in actuality terrifies me, and is something I am only beginning to really face.

and the idea that it could be courage, to stand in the face of vulnerability and wade in its waters, its scary, unknown, naked waters, and call it courage and not fear.

well, that's just a bit mind blowing to me.

Something happened to me when I had my girls. It actually started when I married Josh, but it exploded with my offspring.

This notion of love. love that is deep and vulnerable.

The love that feels like my heart may never not ache again at the mere thought of losing them.

It's in those vulnerable moments, when I am gasp, can hardly take in a breath, and I wonder if all this love is worth that feeling.

love much means the possibility to lose much. 

and that is vulnerable.

and to do it anyway? 

courage?

that's empowering.

maybe, just maybe I don't have to be so scared to love these people.

there is another piece to this, and I am not familiar enough with Brene Brown to know about her spiritual background. 

But for me, such courage would only find it's possibility in Christ.

In God's own love for me. 

In God's own vulnerable moment, in letting Christ die.

"so that I may never more call their sins to mind" (Hebrews 10:17)

Anyway, I wading and pondering, yall. trying to rest in vulnerability as courage not weakness, and asking Jesus to help me.