deep sighs.

I woke this morning with a heaviness in my chest. I don't know if its because work was totally insane the past two nights along with the cumulative lack of sleep. and then there's the APPOINTMENT we go to tomorrow, which I imagine is at the root of the heaviness. We've been cruising along these past few weeks. In fact, one week was so beautiful, and I felt so much joy and deep contentment, I could hardly believe it was me. But now, we have this big appointment, and we may have to face the music a bit, and I just haven't been ready to deal with life for Annie without hair.

without hair, y'all.

it seems so trivial, and yet it would be this one huge thing that will no doubt be such a deep part of her identity. I can think of a million metaphors for hair, and even scripture's reference do God counting all of them on our head- this picture of such deep love and knowing. it's like He is saying- i know you so well, I know the number of hairs on your head. no one else knows that. but I do.

which brings me back to the place of total dependency. I believe, but I also cry out like the scriptures, help my unbelief.

the sky is so dark right now, and rain falls hard outside my window. it's an odd comfort.

It's days like this, that I certainly feel the curse of Eve. The pain of childbirth- that ongoing ache of loving someone so much and feeling at the mercy of so many unknowns.

and yet, even as I write, Annie is laughing at the thunder. seriously, laughing at a storm.

to have faith like a child. now that's something to be jealous about.