just kidding- some verbiage on church, lent, and whatnot

so, there are busy days ahead. But Annie is playing happily by herself, and I just poured a cup of afternoon coffee, and I am feeling like writing words. so....

some thoughts on church. lent. and whatnot.

I have always used Church as my compass. Running with the metaphor of being lost, on a pilgrimage, the Church has been a true north for me.

In Tulsa? not so much.

It's not that I don't want it to be, or that I don't long for it- it's just that nothing seems to fit here. My energy wains. I see the luster of spiritual pioneering in younger, more hopeful eyes. I see something of my past.

I am not the kind of person who kills themselves with obligation. I have never felt pressure to serve out of some need to feel responsible. I have this issue in other areas- like career or friendship- but Church, well, I just feel like if there is some place where God can see things for how they really are- then that's the place. So, in my never ending quest to be true to self, I have let myself off the hook. or something like that.

Truth is- I miss church. but sometimes things get removed and it shows you where your true devotion lies.

I probably needed to see this. experience this.

Meanwhile, my husband wastes away as he practices his lenten fast.

I say tomato, you say tomato.

I have somewhat fasted from meat via my husband. and because I just watched Food, Inc. I may never eat food again.

But really, I write all this to say, that though I am glimpsing at joy and fighting for contentment, I find Church in this town to be difficult.

and this makes me feel lost on some days.

I just hope I make it to church on Easter.