It is a strange thing to not be able to imagine eating anything, because you feel THAT BAD, and in the next five minutes NEED a cheeseburger. RIGHT THEN. It is strange to not like chicken. To not want to drink a lovely cup of coffee in the morning. To not want SWEET tea...I get sick just thinking about it. I finally had several meltdowns yesterday. I literally woke up, put my feet on the floor, and started to get sick. Josh came into the still dark kitchen, (because the sun was not up), to my sniffles and me trying to get down 2 saltine crackers. He, although very sweet, kind of thinks this sickness is kind of "cute", like look at sweet Brooke, all sick with our little baby. I guess that is sweet of him to think of it that way.
And there is the utter exhaustion. It just is what it is, like how you feel when you sleep terribly, except I sleep rather well, and wake up only to feel like I could sleep another day or two.
We did get to see the baby again yesterday. I didn't have the greatest nurse doing the ultrasound, so it was pretty fast, and she was obviously interested in getting me on my way. But, we did see the heartbeat again, and the baby was so much bigger than last week. So things look good still... The mean nurse also contributed to my second meltdown yesterday. This clinic I have been going to for over a year has MANY MANY nurses- however, I seem to always get this one mean nurse, who never makes eye contact and generally seems like she does not care. In fact, one would think that when you work in an infertility clinic you would offer some congratulations when a patient actually GETS pregnant. The ONLY person at that clinic who has offered congratulations, happiness, etc... is the ultra sound tech, who is a SAINT, and the one person who will be getting a hand written note from me saying Thankyou, for treating me like a human being.
Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.
If you even made it this far, God bless you.
So, I wish I had some things to share about how I was growing as a person, and how wonderful everything feels, but honestly, it just feels so difficult right now. I SO want to be happy and dreamy, but mostly I am just plotting my next nap or my next meal.
6 comments :
Hey Brooke, I'm so glad you're pregnant, but I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I hope the sick part passes quickly so you can enjoy what you've been praying so long for!
-Lauren D.
i think it's great you're being honest and for all those women out there who don't understand just how difficult pregnancy can be because they've had easy-breezy pregnancies, well, then....they just don't know what they're missing. that first trimester can be a real ball buster. and i hope it only lasts for a few months for you. it's exciting that you're making a baby!
i hope that in the next few years we will be pregnant too. i am so thankful for your honest words of your very experience. i am rooting for you and the baby. you can do it - one nap, one meal, and one melt down at a time.
no sweet tea? you gotta be kiddin' me!
Oh, Brooke. Yes, yes, it does suck. I still can't eat many things with ginger in them b/c they just remind me of nausea and of trying to eat ginger straight to make it go away. It does suck. No matter how thankful or happy you are to be pregnant, it just sucks. The good news is, you can do it. I will pray for you. Just think about making it through today. Don't think about weeks or months. It'll make you crazy. Just think about today. I used to pray every hour or so, just get me through today. You can do it. You can do it. We are with you and proud of you. Keep telling us how you feel. We'll keep praying until that baby is in your arms!
I swear, pregnancy and motherhood teach you better than anything else (in a rather difficult way, I think) what it truly means to just live in the moment. One moment at a time, just one, and suddenly you've made it through a day with its multitude of moments. I echo what Chris said -- We will be holding you up in prayer as well until that baby is in your arms!!
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