crazy and lazy

well, summer is here. About June 1 I become seriously non-committal. Everything is maybe. So what do Josh and I decide to do yesterday? Tear apart our kitchen. As if we did not have enough going on already- we add yet another thing. sheesh.

I must say that I am proud of our little adventure thus far. We have relocated a semi-kitchen in the dining room. the cabinets are gone. The floor is being ripped up as I speak. The hardwoods look like they are in good shape and easily refinish-able. Our dishwasher just sat on the curb for all of 5 seconds. There are benefits to living in the margins. nasty dishwasher= money. I am glad they took it. I hope it helps.

I read Anne Lamott's "Grace Eventually"..I guess this is kind of the third of her trilogy on faith. I feel alot of things when I read her- I feel like I am always in a safe place with "Jesus", and at the same time I feel scared to death. Anne Lamott has seen some tragedy, but she also places herself in the path of the Gospel, which mean pain and love and gasping for air and finding it. I just barely get this, but not even really.

I think I will look back on my life and say my first thirty years and say they were incredibly selfish- I am not throwing a pity party here, this is real conviction I am feeling. So much of my spirituality has been self serving, and thankfully, I am tired of this. I am SICK of it.

Anyway, I am still turning all this over in my head. I guess I probably always will.