Monday started off right, with two cups of perfect coffee and some indoor time with the littlest. I then got to talk to my high school bestie for who knows how long and don't care, because it was great. The irony that I went to a lecture this weekend on "screen time", yeah, well Millie banked all of hers for a couple of weeks. Oh well.
She also colored the rug with "washable" green marker. She is coloring everything lately. walls, hands, feet, chairs, tables. ugh.
me, not winning.
Monday starting sitting heavy on me, too. The usual discontents. The usual unknowns.
The longing to not be a nurse for a season, and then pouring over your finances and just not seeing how it could ever work.
The opportunities are slowly showing up in the realm of possibility, but nothing is too for sure yet, so I am stuck in the waiting place, looking for the writing on the wall, in the sky, my coffee cup. I am not picky about its place. I just want to know.
A season of prayer and waiting seems like a good place to land.
yes?
hello little long lost blog.
Friday, November 14, 2014
oh my. I took a big long break. I have been writing a bit elsewhere. I needed some space to work some things out, but I have missed this little place. So what's been happening? September kind of ambushed us and we pretty much haven't stopped until this week, when the polar vortex or whatever the heck they are calling it this week, hung its solemn hat on our doorstep.
I am not made for this kind of weather. I become bear like with slow movements, conserving every bit of warmth, kindness, and sanity that I can muster up.
But anyway.
I've come to understand myself in a new way these past two months. I realize that I read, experience some spiritual renewal, and then I ride that wave for a month or two, until one day I wake up and the Facebook scrolling and binge Netflix watching rears its ugly head and I feel this deep need to breath real deep and take long, fast walks, grab that boogie board, and jump back on the wave. Life and its perspectives are always shifting, but as my "friend" Anne Lamott says, Grace always bats lasts.
Thank you Jesus.
All that to say, Here I am again! I know the internets are sharing a collective sigh of relief. not so much.
Sooo, general life update.
The girls, getting so big and and so fun to talk to. We've hit this easy-ish stride where everyone can speak in sentences and follow instructions. Annie is taking piano and Amelia thinks she is hot to trot in her little preschool class. There is still lots of whining and general exhaustion all the time, but we are having more fun than not, and well, it's all a big giant blessing.
We are still Catholic! We have finally settled into a parish and I feel more and more home. I have found real peace in the Catholic Church and much love. I hope to write more about that in the coming months. It feels so wonderful to have both of our children in Mass and for their squirminess and coloring books to be genuinely welcomed. We sat right up front this week, and Annie was humming the entire liturgy. I loved that.
Ok, I sense the yawning on the other end. I missed y'all! Happy Friday. Happy Fall.
Much love from T U L S A!
Brooke
I am not made for this kind of weather. I become bear like with slow movements, conserving every bit of warmth, kindness, and sanity that I can muster up.
But anyway.
I've come to understand myself in a new way these past two months. I realize that I read, experience some spiritual renewal, and then I ride that wave for a month or two, until one day I wake up and the Facebook scrolling and binge Netflix watching rears its ugly head and I feel this deep need to breath real deep and take long, fast walks, grab that boogie board, and jump back on the wave. Life and its perspectives are always shifting, but as my "friend" Anne Lamott says, Grace always bats lasts.
Thank you Jesus.
All that to say, Here I am again! I know the internets are sharing a collective sigh of relief. not so much.
Sooo, general life update.
The girls, getting so big and and so fun to talk to. We've hit this easy-ish stride where everyone can speak in sentences and follow instructions. Annie is taking piano and Amelia thinks she is hot to trot in her little preschool class. There is still lots of whining and general exhaustion all the time, but we are having more fun than not, and well, it's all a big giant blessing.
We are still Catholic! We have finally settled into a parish and I feel more and more home. I have found real peace in the Catholic Church and much love. I hope to write more about that in the coming months. It feels so wonderful to have both of our children in Mass and for their squirminess and coloring books to be genuinely welcomed. We sat right up front this week, and Annie was humming the entire liturgy. I loved that.
Ok, I sense the yawning on the other end. I missed y'all! Happy Friday. Happy Fall.
Much love from T U L S A!
Brooke
It's all yours for the taking
Monday, July 07, 2014
Vacation is really not a thing when you have young children. In our case, we keep rotating the environments, they are all peaceful or fun or a little of both- but it still carries with it the usual responsibilities, melt downs, and lack of sleep that life offers up in heaps during this season of life.
We moved to the southwest over 5 years ago, and this is our time. really, my time, to travel down South and reacquaint myself with the beautiful faces of my family.
It's the time, when my little girls put their feet on the soil of my own childhood. They look up and see the tall pines, the lazy rivers. The wide open Atlantic. Sea shells. Walks with sand in their toes. Salt caked in their skin. Fried fish and homemade peach ice cream. Fireworks. My people.
Traveling home, for me, however, often feels like traveling back in time. My growth feels stunted. I stand in the grocery store of my youth, and feel awkwardly 16 again. I imagine life then. It was starting to get complicated. Those memories are not the best ones. I have grown less afraid of sadness in my life, but there is some sadness, the kind that creeps up in childhood grocery isles, that feel best left on the shelf.
I am picking up contact solution, but I can't shake the past. I pick it up anyway, as if its for old times sake.
Every isle, a ghost of some sort.
I venture towards the baked beans and think some pre vacation therapy may be in order next year.
What's hard to explain is that it's all background noise. The present is a good one. The music is playing, the kids are happy and really its all very magical. They will remember these vacations. And there is redemption being played on the stage right before my eyes.
but the background noise, well, sometimes I just can't shake it.
I make it to the car. Take one of those deep sighs. Dr. Calhoun always said those were prayers.
I have been praying that prayer my entire life.
My daughter Millie prays it too.
In her deep 3 year old frustration, she often lets out a deep sigh.
We pass it all down, the good and the sad.
I wind my way back through the sleepy Georgia roads. Open the door.
The music is playing, kids are drinking juice boxes, and my sister is playing beach paddle ball on concrete.
I have been going about life so hard and strong, I have forgotten what it was like to reflect on much of anything, and the fact that my reflection has showed up some of my deepest wounds feels like betrayal.
Why, self, now? Can we not mosey down this road on vacation?
But it's echoes are all around me.
And they want to be healed.
Life is like this. It ambushes you on Friday morning and begs for more.
It says, this is good. but it can be better.
It says you are loved, but you can love better.
It says life is fast, and short, and long, and infuriating, and beautiful, and sometimes, even perfect.
It says those ghosts are talking but they aren't real anymore.
It says walk out of the grocery store and back to your family.
And then thank God it's all yours for the taking.
We moved to the southwest over 5 years ago, and this is our time. really, my time, to travel down South and reacquaint myself with the beautiful faces of my family.
It's the time, when my little girls put their feet on the soil of my own childhood. They look up and see the tall pines, the lazy rivers. The wide open Atlantic. Sea shells. Walks with sand in their toes. Salt caked in their skin. Fried fish and homemade peach ice cream. Fireworks. My people.
Traveling home, for me, however, often feels like traveling back in time. My growth feels stunted. I stand in the grocery store of my youth, and feel awkwardly 16 again. I imagine life then. It was starting to get complicated. Those memories are not the best ones. I have grown less afraid of sadness in my life, but there is some sadness, the kind that creeps up in childhood grocery isles, that feel best left on the shelf.
I am picking up contact solution, but I can't shake the past. I pick it up anyway, as if its for old times sake.
Every isle, a ghost of some sort.
I venture towards the baked beans and think some pre vacation therapy may be in order next year.
What's hard to explain is that it's all background noise. The present is a good one. The music is playing, the kids are happy and really its all very magical. They will remember these vacations. And there is redemption being played on the stage right before my eyes.
but the background noise, well, sometimes I just can't shake it.
I make it to the car. Take one of those deep sighs. Dr. Calhoun always said those were prayers.
I have been praying that prayer my entire life.
My daughter Millie prays it too.
In her deep 3 year old frustration, she often lets out a deep sigh.
We pass it all down, the good and the sad.
I wind my way back through the sleepy Georgia roads. Open the door.
The music is playing, kids are drinking juice boxes, and my sister is playing beach paddle ball on concrete.
I have been going about life so hard and strong, I have forgotten what it was like to reflect on much of anything, and the fact that my reflection has showed up some of my deepest wounds feels like betrayal.
Why, self, now? Can we not mosey down this road on vacation?
But it's echoes are all around me.
And they want to be healed.
Life is like this. It ambushes you on Friday morning and begs for more.
It says, this is good. but it can be better.
It says you are loved, but you can love better.
It says life is fast, and short, and long, and infuriating, and beautiful, and sometimes, even perfect.
It says those ghosts are talking but they aren't real anymore.
It says walk out of the grocery store and back to your family.
And then thank God it's all yours for the taking.
Summer!
Friday, May 23, 2014
It's Summer! We've been taking it REAL slow this week. I say that, I was busy on the front end with work, work, work, but other than that, we really haven't left the house. We've been playing outside and napping and generally not cleaning very much.
I have finally learned that sending my children to their room is the only discipline that works, so I have been doing that a lot with the kicking and screaming ensues. Thankfully it seems to alternate between the two and a quick 5 minutes of getting all that frustratin' out seems to do the trick.
I have also resorted to snacks being peanut butter on a spoon (which my kids think is AWESOME). So that makes me awesome right?
This week I spoke with a young girl who is about to start Samford in the Fall (my alma mater). I was so excited talking to her and when I told her we didn't have a/c in our freshman dorm she looked at me like I studied by candlelight as well. I then had to take a deep breath when I realized that a.) I started college 20 years ago and b.) SHE WAS NOT BORN.
cue, midlife crisis.
In all seriousness, it was a heart heavy week, too.
One of Annie's little classmates lost her Daddy in a sudden accident. There doesn't seem anything more unjust than a little girl losing her daddy. I have been so heart broken over it, the kind that just takes your breath away. I resort to all of the psalms heart cries. why, why and more why? how long, o lord. have mercy.
None of that relieves the sadness, which is really nothing compared to their own sadness.
The only answer I have is to be present in my own life. to pray for them.
I am also losing my sweet neighbors. I am living in certain denial over this. These were the best neighbors, the kind that feel like family. We're enjoying our lazy afternoons with them as they have showing after showing.
For the record, every dear friend I have met in this town moves to Texas, This is #3!!!! I have got one covering the border towns, one in dfw area, and now this one moving to the Texas Hill Country. We almost have the state covered, so NO MORE FRIENDS MOVING.
Well, that's about it. Week 1 of Summer under our belt.
Happy Friday:)
I have finally learned that sending my children to their room is the only discipline that works, so I have been doing that a lot with the kicking and screaming ensues. Thankfully it seems to alternate between the two and a quick 5 minutes of getting all that frustratin' out seems to do the trick.
I have also resorted to snacks being peanut butter on a spoon (which my kids think is AWESOME). So that makes me awesome right?
This week I spoke with a young girl who is about to start Samford in the Fall (my alma mater). I was so excited talking to her and when I told her we didn't have a/c in our freshman dorm she looked at me like I studied by candlelight as well. I then had to take a deep breath when I realized that a.) I started college 20 years ago and b.) SHE WAS NOT BORN.
cue, midlife crisis.
In all seriousness, it was a heart heavy week, too.
One of Annie's little classmates lost her Daddy in a sudden accident. There doesn't seem anything more unjust than a little girl losing her daddy. I have been so heart broken over it, the kind that just takes your breath away. I resort to all of the psalms heart cries. why, why and more why? how long, o lord. have mercy.
None of that relieves the sadness, which is really nothing compared to their own sadness.
The only answer I have is to be present in my own life. to pray for them.
I am also losing my sweet neighbors. I am living in certain denial over this. These were the best neighbors, the kind that feel like family. We're enjoying our lazy afternoons with them as they have showing after showing.
For the record, every dear friend I have met in this town moves to Texas, This is #3!!!! I have got one covering the border towns, one in dfw area, and now this one moving to the Texas Hill Country. We almost have the state covered, so NO MORE FRIENDS MOVING.
Well, that's about it. Week 1 of Summer under our belt.
Happy Friday:)
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