the week of the potty

This has been the week of the potty. It had to happen. No more waiting.

I have a bowl of m&m's, and they seem to be working.

she walks in. sits on potty. her face lights up.

she exclaims. "I heard it!"

and there you have it. 

we also had spaghetti for lunch. in case you were wondering.

nite, all.

merry, merry

I actually managed to send out some Christmas Cards this year. First time ever! Which is hilarious, because life has never felt so crazy.

I have managed to collect my inner self the last couple of days. It's been like saying hello to an old friend. Giving her a big hug. Telling her its been way too long. 

This has been so hopeful for me, like a gentle reminder that I'll get back on track. We took a major detour on some crazy road, and now we are back on level ground.

This happened once to my sister and I trying to find our cabin on a back way into town. We ended up on the top of some mountain on a dirt road, and I was pretty sure I was going to die. But then, we found our way back and saw a Mcdonald's and all was right in the world. The funny thing, is if we had not been so scared, we would have realized we were about 1 minute from being there.

My inner self, it's been close, too- and I suppose that has what kept me sane.

So, this Christmas was a hard one. I went the entire holidays without seeing my family (except my mom, who came to visit!).

None of my dad's french toast. No Christmas Story playing in the background. None of my grandmother's striped chocolate cake (pronounced STRIPE-ED). No Annie and Addison laughs. No all day pajama days and nuway hotdog runs.

can you hear the violins?

I am thankful, though, to see the sun start to peek in again. I am thankful for Josh's family whom we have felt such comfort and care from.

I am thankful.

birthday

well, thanks to my dear friend Shelley at work, I made the yummiest chocolate cake ever! It didn't taste as good as hers, but that didn't stop me from eating half of it! ok, maybe a third?

and why, you ask?

Annie turned 3!

We had a great day with friends and family. Annie was a delight, and all felt right.

until everyone left, and a major meltdown ensued.

life with a three year old.

I know that I sound like a broken record on here many times- but life for me right now is such a mixed bag of delight and exhaustion sometimes. I remember my old pastor talking about this. These rare moments of peace, when you think- this is how I imagined it. This is how things are supposed to be. I am glad we get to experience that- or I suppose enduring the chaos would be unbearable at times.

which makes me think of the word shalom.

and how thankful I am words like that exist.

I don't even know

My sweet mom arrives today. We have joked that since our move here, every visit has been centered around something dramatic. Her, coming to rescue me or josh- or coming for a "holiday", which 2 of the past 3 have involved me being baby sick- which basically is like hanging out with someone with the flu. how fun!

so, once again she arrives in the midst of drama, but at least this time its not me! Gah- she might just get a trip to TJ MAXX out of me this time. For those who don't know my mother, this is a very sacred event. TJ Maxx must be visited in every city that she visits. It's like Santa's workshop. So many pretty things, so cheap! I kid, but she does LOVE some TJ MAXX, and in my older and broke years, I can appreciate that in a person.

Unrelated to my mother, Advent has once again been something I hear about and not practiced. I had such high hopes this year before that blasted tumor entered our lives, but it's ok, we are practicing the waiting even if not in a formal way. My mind and heart feel so scattered. I have moments where I think- we need to helping to make clean water in Africa. or we should be sponsoring a child.  or maybe, if I could just read some scripture for like 5 minutes a day. 

but then I put those two little munchkins to bed, and all I can think about is being still, because I know tomorrow is the same gig.

and it's ok.