lots of posts

I know I keep updating the blog with mundane details, but I am feeling so overwhelmed, it helps me to write it down. My words always seem to help me stay grounded, like getting them out in the universe helps me to see where my hope is (or lack thereof). helps me realize that it's okay to feel like things are a bit out of sorts. helps me to admit- that there are days when I am completely unsure of most things, and there are other days where I am absolutely sure of so much.

One thing that I have known, and that I am really feeling with great intensity right now, is my need to control. I tell Josh that I need him to take over some things, let me off the hook. He does so willingly, but I hardly listen to my own request. I wake with thoughts churning, working the books in my head, making calls, etc... But I am tired, and scared to the core about this little baby, and though I seem tough and unyielding, I am anything but.

I wrote to a friend today that I wish we did not have to fear difficult things in this life. I really believe in having hope, and staying positive- I feel more at ease when I do so, but I also know that the best attitude cannot always prevent pain, and so I carry that burden as well; I carry them both.

These days, I am longing for peace. that long pause. that one long moment of contentment. Space in my mind to be quiet. A moment to be utterly still in. 

Ah, just writing that helps feel like it's a possibility.

weary

We've had a week straight of traveling and family and birthdays. It's been fun and exhausting all at the same time. And now, we are facing all that comes with a leaving a place- and well, it's starting hit home, making me sad in a lot of ways.

There is also the weight of still trying to sell our house, or rent it, move ourselves to middle america (with a 130 pound dog , no less), start a new job(s), make a new home, and somehow not fall into financial ruin:) Lord, have mercy.

I am reminded today, though, how all the little details that overwhelm me, are falling into place. Today, three small things were taken care of, with ease, which  I thought would be more tedious. Then, my sweet mom and grandmother came to help me clean our house, as we have a showing this afternoon. I was really sick this morning, so it was a huge help to have them here. And then, the showing itself- another small gift. 

I don't know how this will all work out, but it will, and with what wee bit of faith I have, I will keep asking God to help us.

Anyone want to RENT?

Hey there-

We're testing the waters a bit to see if there are any folks interested in renting our dear little home. It would be great for 2 adults or a small family. Pictures are below. Email me if you want more info. It would be available July 1.  House is in Southside- great front porch, back deck, off street parking, and brand new kitchen. Washer/Dryer stays.

Click here

for more photos.

email me if you might be interested! brooke.jared@gmail.com

back

ah- it's been a long day of driving, but we are home.  We hit our low point when we started singing Chicago songs, with Peter Cetera impersonations. We also realized that for all of my adult life, I thought that song "everybody needs a little time away, bla bla bla" said "after all the WHO you've been through,  I will make it up to you". Josh was like, "all the WHO?" , "what does that even mean?", to which he explained, "it's after all THAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH"- If you know me at all, I make up words ALOT, but I am pretty impressed with that one. pretty darn impressed. 

So, we have a place to live. yay. It's a great house, in a great neighborhood, near lots of things- so I am as pleased as can be. Now we start the arduous task up packing up life, oh and we still need nothing short of a miracle- we need to sell the house. which is causing me more anxiety than I care to have at this point.

good nite folks-