a little link...

One day, when my thoughts are little more processed, I will write a nice long blog entry about my journey to the Catholic church.

BUT, until then, This lovely soul has written something so close to my own experience, I thought I would share.

I am not trying to convert NOBODY. Let's just be clear about that, but I find myself often just wanting to explain, but it always feels like too much or not enough.

So, until then, I shall ride on the more articulate wings of women I have stumbled upon.

Link here:

"I did not move toward Catholicism from a place of certainty. I moved from a place of desire. And I did not walk steadily toward it. I took a flailing, reckless leap." 

Remember your words

It took 5 years,  but I had my first "girls" weekend with some local friends. Ironically, all but one have moved to Texas, but it was such a gift to spend time with these women. Friendships are like a long, winding road, sometimes filled with hours of conversation, and sometimes filled with silence. This past weekend we talked for hours, drank lots of coffee, shopped, ate some more, laughed and cried. These kind of friendships have sustained me my entire life, and I would be lost without this beautiful gift. Thank you JESUS, in every way, for this gift. Seriously.

People talk about their favorite things. Friendship is probably my most favorite. I would take one of the these weekends every year over the most exotic vacation. It is that life giving.

When I moved to Tulsa, one of the things I told myself was that every place I have lived, I have met someone I could not imagine not knowing.

I had my doubts about Tulsa, but those words have proven true.

Annie's heart

Millie fell asleep today, and Annie would not leave her side. She said, "I will watch over her until she wakes up." I adore moments when I capture someone, anyone, in their glory. Annie is that kind of person, she will TAKE CARE OF YOU. She's a sinner, too. I deal with that every day, just like every other human. That is the thing we always fight against. That is thing that exhausts me, makes me sad. But then, you have this moment and all the rest of the hard moments fly away, and you see, really see someone the way God made them. So beautiful and so thankful God gives us these windows- ones that are so often dim, become so clear. God makes beautiful things.

Alopecia and Annie

I don't write too terribly much about Annie's Alopecia. My father told me early on to treat it at normal as we could, and I intuitively wanted to do the same thing, and for the most part,  we have. It's been a silent grieving, never wanting to make Annie feel like her Alopecia made us sad. There will be time for this, when Annie does her own grieving. We will not be afraid to share that with her, but for now, we share in the joy that is Annie. The most cheerful spirit I have ever met.

But with this joy, comes the incredible challenge that I share with all mommas trying to raise their little girls, and that is the issue of identity and beauty and how to make that a healthy relationship. 

We made the decision this year to get Annie her first custom hair piece. I wasn't sure if she would wear it, want to wear it, etc, but I felt certain I wanted her to have the choice. This has been a complicated choice, as the megaphone message in the alopecia world is that "bald is beautiful" or "You are beautiful  just the way you are". Is this not the message we try to teach all of our little people? Is this not the truth we try and preach to ourselves? 

And yet, for arguments sake.

God made my hair darker than it is, and now greying. I color it, not because I find my value in highlights, but I happen to like my hair a little lighter.

We don't look at a child, say, which a missing leg or hand, and prohibit a prosthetic. We thank SCIENCE! We thank God things like this exist. These kids get a chance to push back brokenness. They get a chance to WALK. to WRITE. 

Say what you will, but we all want a little bit of normal.

Our choice to get Annie a hairpiece was not a desire to cover up her sweet little bald head. It was an effort to give Annie the gift  of a little bit of normal.

I picked up Annie from school the other day, and she was laughing with her friend. They had the same bow, and ever since, Annie has been begging me to braid her "hair". I get to do that now, and it brings us both joy. We are also at the age where kids are mean. This is somewhat protected at her school, but it is not in the big bad world. Annie has gotten picked on at our gym, when a little boy repeatedly told her she was a boy because she was bald. The hair piece has given her some armor. She doesn't always need her armor, but it's hers if she wants it.

Annie is beautiful. But not because she is bald. Bald does not make her beautiful. God makes her beautiful. She may decide one day that wigs are not for her, or she may thank God every day that such things exist. We navigate those choices now, because she is a young child, but she we eventually make her own.

I know, not a super exciting post, but it was on my mind...