terra ferme: just write.

*written in linkage with just write!

My experience of our recent earthquake was something akin to the Madeline story that I read to Annie.

"In the middle of one night, Miss Clavell turned on the light and said "something is NOT RIGHT!....

And afraid of disaster, Miss Clavell ran FAST and FASTER!"

So yes, the other night night, as I lay in what can only be described as a nyquil induced coma, I heard something roar like a lion, and before I could sit straight up in bed, and I do mean STRAIGHT UP, the house started shaking. like crazy shaking. Josh and I darted in some sleep crazed sprint to each of the girls' bedrooms. I found Annie on her knees with a big grin on her face.

I exclaim, " are you ok???" (house still shaking).

Annie says, " I, ok!"

I lay her down, realizing I have no idea what is really happening. Am I in a nyquil dream? Can I press rewind? I think I am shaking. I look at my hands, I am. 

My heart is shaking too. I walk my shaky legs back to my bed. My eyes hurt.

I look at Josh. 

"that was crazy."

and then I did what any post-earthquake victim would and should do.

Must. write. witty. Facebook. update. 

I am thinking, this thing needs to get documented.

So, me and every other Tulsan, jumped on their smart devices and exclaimed in sleep crazed post-earthquaked words that they hath been shaken.

It seemed that as quickly as the earth rolled under me, it stood still and silent again.

So, having properly documented this historic event, I remembered how sick I actually was,

and I closed my eyes.

I woke up thankful, because though the earth rolling underneath you for the first time feels quite profound, we were left un-cracked, so to speak- but such an event gives one a healthy respect for how quickly life can change. The earth and its rumbles have a way of squaring you up with the Creator of All.

I am small. and things change fast. I am always at the mercy of God's grand mysteries.

They come quietly, and sometimes violently. and I don't claim to understand them at all.

Sometimes they make you marvel and gaze in wonder.

Sometimes they make you weep, and only utter the words. 

"Lord, come quickly."

This morning, I live in the vast space of those two extremes. The rain falls,  life is quiet, minus a few runny noses. We are lucky to live in such a space, this I know for sure. I remind myself to savor, because I know, I know, that the grass withers and the flowers fall. eventually.

our lives ebb and flow in between these great mysteries. these great extremes.

and so we wait, as only we can do. and find rest where God has given his quietness.

Just write: when all the wells run dry.

written in participation with "just write"- mash HERE.

I don't even know what that title means, but it's a free writing exercise, and that's what life feels like most days.

like the well, just might run dry.

but then sleep churns up water from the deep, and it's 6am, coffee cup in hand.

I'm awake. alive. breathing.

I dropped Annie off at school this morning, and the little one and I went shopping.


I avoided every mirror that I could, because I had no make-up on. I thought I was pulling off that "messy- cute" look, but one glance in the mirror at the GAP, and well- I was starting to feel more afraid that I might be ambushed for some mommy- makeover.

I thought for a few seconds that I might spend some money on looking trendy, but I don't really have enough money to pull that off.

I'll go classic.

classic always works, right?

 I sure hope classic is three long sleeve t-shirts for 12.00 each, because, that's what I bought.

I then found my way over the jewelry section of Dillards.

I shall bling things up a bit, I thought. You know, dress those little t-shirts up.

I found some of those long droopy pearls- you know, the ones you can tie in a knot, or wrap around your head a few times.

I thought about it for a long time. decided I needed them, and then looked at the price tag.

68.00

what the hell?

I am clearly not grounded in fashion reality.

These are fake, right?

My mind immediately reminds me of why I always shop at Target.

My wells (and pockets) are too dry for all this fashion mumbo jumbo.

So I went home, put on some make-up, and played with my little person.

My wells may run dry, but that is ok.

they are (hopefully) making beautiful human beings.

my wells may run dry.

but my cup runneth over.

the mass

For some of you who are tagging along on this Catholic path with us, I am posting the order of Mass below. I cannot express to you how rich it has been to feed myself on these words every week. 

It is a banquet of words for my soul.

And not to be this or that, but in all sincerity, please note the central theme and worship of Christ in the Mass. The number one question I get about all of this is the issue of "mary" worship. If you read this, you can put your heart at ease, and be utterly overwhelmed by the honor and worship given to Christ alone.

The order of Mass

Entrance Procession

People stand up, the priest goes to the Altar.

Entrance hymn may be sung.

(All stand up)

Greeting

(Priest) In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit

(Congregation) Amen.

The Grace and Peace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

And also with you.

Penitential Act

My brothers and sisters, to prepare ourselves to celebrate the Sacred Mysteries, let us call to mind our sins:

I confess to Almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters that I have sinned through my own fault in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do; and I ask the Blessed Mary, ever Virgin, all the angels and saints, and you here present, to pray for me to the Lord our God.

May Almighty God have Mercy on us, forgive us our sins and bring us to everlasting life.

Amen.

Or:

Lord have mercy

Lord have mercy.

Christ have mercy

Christ have mercy.

Lord have mercy

Lord have mercy.

The Gloria

(Hymn of Praise. It may be said or sung )

Glory to God in the Highest,
and Peace to his people on earth.
Lord God, heavenly King,
almighty God and Father,
we worship you, we give you thanks,
we praise you for your Glory.
Lord Jesus Christ, only Son of the Father,
Lord God, lamb of God,
you take away the sin of the world:
have mercy on us;
you are seated at the right hand of the Father,
receive our prayer.
for you alone are the Holy One,
you alone are the Lord,
you alone are the Most High,
Jesus Christ ,
with the Holy Spirit,
in the glory of God the Father. Amen.

Opening prayer

Amen. (All seat down)

Liturgy of the Word

First reading

Reader: This is the Word of the Lord

Thanks be to God.

Second reading

Reader: This is the Word of the Lord

Thanks be to God.

Gospel acclamation 

To be said or sung

(All stand) . . . . . . . . .

Homily

All seated

Profession of Faith

We believe in one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is seen and unseen.
We believe in on Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only Son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten not made,
of one Being with the Father.
Through him all things were made.
For us men and for our salvation
He came down from Heaven (all bow)
by the power of the Holy Spirit
he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,
and was made man.
For our sake he was crucified under Pontious Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven and is seated
at the right hand of the Father.
he will come again in Glory to judge
the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.
We believe in the Holy Spirit,
the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
With the Father and the Son
He is worshipped and glorified.
He has spoken through the prophets.
We believe in one Holy, Catholic and
Apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism
for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come.
Amen.

General Intercessions

At the end of each one:

Lord hear us

Lord, hear our prayer.

Liturgy of the Eucharist

Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this bread to offer, which earth has given and human hands have made. 

It will become for us the bread of life.

Blessed be God forever.

By the mystery of this water and wine may we come to share in the divinity of Christ, who humbled himself to share in our humanity. 

Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this wine to offer, fruit of the vine and work of human hands. 

It will become our spiritual drink.

Blessed be God forever.

(Quiet prayer) Lord God, we ask you to receive us and be pleased with the sacrifice we offer you with humble and contrite hearts.

Washing of the hands

Lord wash away my iniquities, cleanse me from my sins.

Invitation to pray

Pray, brethren, that our sacrifice may be acceptable to God, the almighty Father.

May the Lord accept the sacrifice at your hands, for the praise and glory of his name, for our good, and the good of all his Church.
(All stand up)

Prayer over the gifts

According to the proper of the Mass

Amen.

The Eucharistic Prayer

The Lord be with you

And also with you.

Lift up your hearts

We lift them up to the Lord.

Let us give thanks to the Lord, our God

It is right to give him thanks and praise.

Preface

At the end all sing or say

Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might, heaven and earth are full of your Glory.
Hosanna in the highest.
(All kneel down in adoration)

For acceptance of the offering:

Father, accept this offering from your whole family. Grant us your peace in this life, save us from final damnation, and count us among those you have chosen.

Through Christ our Lord

Amen.

The Consecration: The Lord's Supper

The day before he suffered, he took bread in his sacred hands, and looking up to heaven, to you, his almighty Father, he gave you thanks and praise. 

He broke the bread, gave it to his disciples and said:

Take this, all of you, and eat it:

this is my body which will be given up for you.

When supper was ended, he took the cup. Again he gave the cup to his disciples, and said: 

Take this, all of you, and drink from it:

this is the cup of my blood, 

the blood of the new and everlasting covenant. 

It will be shed for you and for all men

so that sins may be forgiven. 

Do this in memory of me.

Let us proclaim the mystery of faith:

1. Christ has died, Christ is risen,
Christ will come again.

2. Dying you destroyed our death,
rising you restored our life.
Lord Jesus, come in Glory.

3. When we eat this bread and drink this cup, we proclaim your death, Lord Jesus, until you come in Glory.

4. Lord, by your cross and resurrection you have set us free.
You are the Savior of the world.

Memorial of the Paschal Mystery and offering

Father, we celebrate the memory of Christ, your son. We, your people and your ministers, recall his passion, his resurrection from the dead, and his ascension into glory; and from the many gifts you have given us we offer to you, God of Glory and majesty, this holy and perfect sacrifice the bread of life and the cup of eternal salvation.

Look with favor on these offerings and accept them as once you accepted the gifts of your servant Abel, the sacrifice of Abraham, our father in faith, and the bread and wine offered by your priest Melchisedech.

Almighty God, we pray that your angel may take this sacrifice to your altar in heaven. Then as we receive from this altar the sacred body and blood of your Son, let us be filled with every grace and blessing.

Through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Final doxology

Through him, with him, in him, 

in the unity of the Holy Spirit,

all glory and honor is yours

Almighty Father, 

forever and ever.

Amen. (All stand up)

Rite of Communion

Let us pray with confidence to the Father in the word our Savior gave us:

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name; Thy kingdom come:
Thy Will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us peace in our day. 

In your mercy keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

For the Kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and forever.

Lord Jesus Christ, you said to your apostles:

I leave you peace, my peace I give you.

Look not on our sins, but on the faith of your Church, and grant us the peace and unity of your kingdom where you live for ever and ever.

Amen.

The peace of the Lord be with you always.

And also with you.

Let us offer each other the sign of peace.

. . . . . . . .

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world: have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world: have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world: grant us peace.
(All kneel down)

May the mingling of the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, bring eternal life to us who receive it.

Lord Jesus Christ, with faith in your love and mercy, I eat your body and drink your blood. 

let it not bring me condemnation, but health in mind and body.

Holy Communion

This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.

Happy are those who are called to his supper.

Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.

People receive Holy Communion

The body of Christ

Amen.

The blood of Christ

Amen.

After Holy Communion

Let us pray

(All stand up)

Prayer after communion

Amen.

Concluding rite

Announcements and final blessing

The Lord be with you

And also with you.

May almighty God bless you,

The Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

The Mass is ended, go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

Thanks be to God.

wig

Well, I have scoured the internets, and this is what I have come up with:) Let me just tell you, little girl wigs pretty much look awful.  This one is really cute, though. Don't you think? There are way more custom, expensive options out there, but that's not really something we are looking at right now, since we just want this to be a fun thing. If it's something we see she really wants and desires, then we will cross that bridge- but this going to be more in the hat category. If you want to wear it, great! If you don't, even better! 

Let me just tell you, having a bald little girl was not on my radar when I wanted kids. It never even crossed my mind. Josh and I were talking the other night- how we had not created a lot of space to be sad about it together (or even a part). I don't know, there is a warrior buried inside mamas that comes out to fight when then things go the wrong way. I have plenty of sadness about this buried deep. There is not one day that I don't think about this. multiple times a day. 

But I just keep thinking. I need to fight for her. Help her navigate this part of her identity.

One thing, I know. She is beautiful. Inside and out.

Hair never made her either of these things.