will somebody

make me these ? I don't really have a huge appetite ( I am really looking forward to WANTING to eat again), but man these look GOOD. I will be making these this holiday season...

stories

Sorry the blogging is rather boring these days.  I have definitely hit the home stretch of this pregnancy, totally wiped out, and ready to be able to turn over in bed with out causing a minor earthquake:) I must say, though, that I have an amazing husband- that josh. He cooks, cleans, and keeps me sane. He really is keeping things afloat here. He was telling me the other day- "remember that first year in Birmingham- remember how you did everything? You really kept us from sinking."- I was like, really? I don't even remember it feeling like that.  I guess marriage is like that- letting the other one rise to the occasion when you are seemingly sinking. I am glad Josh feels like I did that for him- because he is definitely doing that for me. He's been strong and brave and selfless. me=lucky.

With that said, we have had a really nice weekend here. We totally scrooged out on Friday, turned the lights off and watched a movie while the little kiddos ran PAST our house. We had candy and all, but we were tired, and felt like being lazy, and it was nice.

Yesterday, I had energy out of the blue, so we went for a nice walk, ran and got a smoothie, dropped in on the cousins- and ended up at a little jam session which was really, really fun. It felt good to "unplug", get outside, drink fruit, and listen to music and people who love to play it. Josh even joined in on the singing with some Townes Van Zandt, and I was proud:)

There are glimpses that all will be well, here, at least for the time being. Sometimes (like earlier this week), I just feel so overwhelmed with sadness and what we gave up to come here, that I feel like there just is not a way forward here. But then, we meet people bit by bit, and the faces look less like aliens, and more like friends- and I am reminded that I am always living in the the middle of the story- that it is not over, that even the dramatic sad parts are necessary in any story- usually the most important, even. 

alas, it is the sabbath. may you find some rest today, where ever you are.

weekend

 It's been so beautiful here this week. Clear, brisk days.  It's nice. Such beauty always  has a tinge of longing, too.  Longing, as I sit and let the decisions of this past year marinate. Really wondering where this all takes Josh and I. It feels like we are in the desert. I am on not the first one. I won't be the last. I am reminded of a song by Sarah Groves- I've been painting pictures of Egypt.

 I paint lots of pictures in my head these days- wondering what life will be like on the other side of this desert. Carrying a child really does change everything. Josh jokingly said the other day- we should move to Seattle. Last year, I would have loved that idea. I would have loved the idea of moving anywhere exciting and beautiful. But now- it just feels so different. I want solid ground and, and security, and family near. I want for Annie the things that made me feel safe. I want her to partake in community the way I experienced it as a child, and even more as an adult. I am lucky to have had this. I want the same for her. I firmly believe her life will be more whole if she sees her parents participating in relationships with others, having friends, being a whole person with interests and dreams of our own.

 Perhaps that will happen here- I have to at the very least be open to that, I know. I am also open to getting the heck out of dodge:)

 Today, I am thankful to be sharing a day with Josh's family- which has been the one saving grace of being in this new place. We'll be celebrating Annie's impending arrival with hotdogs and chili- which is my kind of shower. I am thankful for the small graces.

 And in case anyone is counting- 7  more weeks until baby. 4 more weeks of work. 5 weeks until Thanksgiving break (a whole week with Josh!). 2 weeks until les, jacks, and dear carrie come and visit.....Lots to look forward to!

thoughts and meanderings

I have had tons of thoughts soaring in my head today. We went back to the Episcopal church to day, and it was beautiful, a bit lofty, even regal. I was thinking about Jesus and the Last Supper. How it seemed simple, a family meal, but loaded with meaning. I took communion today and it was more regal than I am used to. More of a taste of the glory to come, I guess. I just kept thinking about Jesus, what he would think about it all. I get all swept up the the beauty at this church- but deep down I wonder if anyone knows anybody else. I have tasted the beauty and heartache of community- and I miss it. I have also longed for the beauty of worship, that something that takes me to other side a bit more- the side of reverence and humility, and longing for the reality of redemption.

I was reading a blog today (kristen's)- as she was sharing her experience of living on Southside. Living among the people I did, just a few short months ago. And then something subtle and gracious happened- it wasn't that I was not sad, because I was. I miss where we have left. I miss our life there. But somehow I was able to hear God's voice. Just that inner whatever- that was telling me He was taking care of us, here. That seasons change, and that particular season has passed for us.

And so here we are.

I have 5 more weeks of work- I am taking three weeks off before the due date (cassia suggested this!).  Two of those weekends are booked with family and friends, which I greatly need. And the Holidays arrive, and baby arrives, and our world changes forever.

I still haven't bought a diaper. a car seat. among other things. For whatever reason, those two things feel so REAL. And honestly, most days I just can't wrap my head around Annie being a person. 

signing off...