weekend

 It's been so beautiful here this week. Clear, brisk days.  It's nice. Such beauty always  has a tinge of longing, too.  Longing, as I sit and let the decisions of this past year marinate. Really wondering where this all takes Josh and I. It feels like we are in the desert. I am on not the first one. I won't be the last. I am reminded of a song by Sarah Groves- I've been painting pictures of Egypt.

 I paint lots of pictures in my head these days- wondering what life will be like on the other side of this desert. Carrying a child really does change everything. Josh jokingly said the other day- we should move to Seattle. Last year, I would have loved that idea. I would have loved the idea of moving anywhere exciting and beautiful. But now- it just feels so different. I want solid ground and, and security, and family near. I want for Annie the things that made me feel safe. I want her to partake in community the way I experienced it as a child, and even more as an adult. I am lucky to have had this. I want the same for her. I firmly believe her life will be more whole if she sees her parents participating in relationships with others, having friends, being a whole person with interests and dreams of our own.

 Perhaps that will happen here- I have to at the very least be open to that, I know. I am also open to getting the heck out of dodge:)

 Today, I am thankful to be sharing a day with Josh's family- which has been the one saving grace of being in this new place. We'll be celebrating Annie's impending arrival with hotdogs and chili- which is my kind of shower. I am thankful for the small graces.

 And in case anyone is counting- 7  more weeks until baby. 4 more weeks of work. 5 weeks until Thanksgiving break (a whole week with Josh!). 2 weeks until les, jacks, and dear carrie come and visit.....Lots to look forward to!