this girl

I had spent a great portion of my life avoiding suffering at all costs. Suffering and vulnerability.

And then I had this girl. This girl who made me fall in love hard and fast. Having a child, for me anyway, broke my heart in a million pieces, but in all the right ways. There was never a choice for me not to love her, not to risk all my fears on her. The love was compelling. When Annie lost her hair, I was so tempted to climb back into my cave, but again, I could not. This bright, sweet face just kept beaming, and I had no choice but to embrace this path we were on.

I have no idea why Annie doesn't have hair, but I know she is complete the way God made her. I was struck with delight and sadness as Annie tried on her fancy hair piece- that ugly reality that something broke a long the way, and yet all that beams from her is delight and gratitude (not in all things, she IS 4), but in regards to her hair or non hair, Annie is much more accepting than me. She does not feel broken, she feels like herself. And that is a gift.

The people I have been brave enough to love have changed me. I risk all the potential suffering in my world to love them back. I don't always do it well, but I try. I keep trying.