you are four.

* I, like I am certain every breathing person in this country with a soul, has been deeply saddened by the events of this week. That actually doesn't even capture the emotion. Grieved, that deep in the gut sadness, is more like it. I turn on the news, that is all I feel. It's so sad, I have yet to really be able to think about comfort or God in this. I know both are to be found, but watching that sweet Dad on the news yesterday, was almost too much to handle. So, as my 4 year old woke me up at 5:50 this morning, on her birthday, it is with a sweet recognition, that her warm breathe tells me she is awake. awake.

Dear Annie,

You are four today. This day four years ago was filled with drama, and it would actually be late into the night until I would get to see your face. It was the happiest moment of my life.

You were and are tenacious. Happy, energetic. You love people, and are genuinely silly. You walk into any situation with confidence.

You totally wear me out most days. We had a hard week, let's keep this little letter real, but you have no idea the depths I am willing to fight for you.

Fight for you to learn to trust me, to obey. It's hard for a soul like yours, but you are getting it, and you feel sad with things go the wrong way.

That kind of sadness is good. I think.

This week you broke my 2nd ipad. Last year, it tumbled to the stone floor, and I was grieved for days as it was a gift. I replaced it with my own money for 1/2 price (thankyou, apple), bought a nice cover, determined to keep it safe. This week, you ran through the dining room, with my ipad, in the nice cover, took a spill and shattered the screen. I was beyond grieved (again) about this stupid earthly possession, but I didn't yell (this was  a miracle), but quietly told you I needed a "moment". And (and I am embarrassed to admit), went into the kitchen and cried over my shattered ipad. That night, in your prayers, your daddy told me you prayed,

"Dear Jejus, I am so sorry I broke mommy's peter (computer). I've been so sorry all day."

I think we both learned a lesson that day.

Today we will eat pink cake and go see Santa. Family will eat chili tonight and we'll sing you happy birthday.

The day you were born changed me forever. It really did. My heart is different because you are here.

We are all different because of you. You have a gift, Annie, and my prayer is that God will use it for His glory.

All of my love.
Mommy