when I look down the road

when I look down the pike, so to speak, sometimes I ache with grief.

Soon, Annie will be less baby and more kid. and it's not so cool to be a bald kid.

people don't understand.

people say all the time- "she's SO big! Look at her talk! Look at all those teeth!"

like, she's some enigma of baby world. a talking, running around, mouth full of teeth baby.

and all because she is bald.

bald equals baby.

funny thing, she's actually not that big for her age. she's actually small. oh, and yes, she is my baby, but if she had hair, you would know she is actually a toddler. or at least more toddler than baby.

if I had a margarita for every time someone has told me in the past month about some distant so and so who didn't get hair until their 5th birthday, I would be intoxicated for a week.

annie might not have hair ever.

so, please somebody tell me how to raise a child without hair in this mad world. I mean, really, no one has to tell me the paradox of superficiality here- and how I know many a mom who would trade their sad story for mine.

I spoke with a mom the other night, who for three years watched her child have seizures every single day. and then he finally died- because they mercifully let him pass, and not be ventilator dependent for life. a three year old.

she told me something that haunted me.

she said, most people have something happen in their life eventually that shows them what they are made of.

I came home and hugged my bald baby. my BIG, TALKING, BALD BABY.

and I thought, she will learn this lesson earlier than most, over something so trivial and profound as hair.

I have two hair clips in my volvo. I bought them when Annie had hair. I keep them where I left them, because some days I feel hopeful that this won't be a part of her story.

because who wants their child to suffer in any way?

someone actually told me recently- "at least she won't have to shave her legs!"

really? that's the trade off?

that's lame.

If given the choice, I imagine most people would trade the small hassle of leg shaving to have even an inch of hair on their head if it meant they could join the big bad world of humans with hair. which is like 98% of the population.

so, as you can see, I am navigating the seas of awkward conversation. I know people just try to help. ease the unknown.

and this is why I have a blog, so I have somewhere to dump the madness when I have had all that I can stuff in my fragile psyche.