my favorite month just passed me by in a whirl. there were old friends and wedding prayers and sand and bikes and wine and breakfast conversation all mingled in. But it went fast, and it felt rushed, and I want it back.
I heard a song by the waifs today, gillian. i liked it, and thought it sweet and strange.
are you ever overwhelmed by memories that come to you in snapshots throughout the day. I was in surgery the other day, and I kept seeing all these old images, like where I went to preschool, or sitting in the lunch room in elementary school. They are so quick, the way they ease in and out. I guess all those things are trapped in our little brains, and sometimes they just need room to breathe. just interesting, that's all.
I know alot of people read this blog and care about josh and i, and where we are in our "journey" with trying to have a baby. I don't really like that word, because it sounds exciting or I don't know, different than how I feel about it, but I don't really know what word to use, so I will stick with that one.
long story short, we're still on it. I did a difficult thing this weekend- I decorated a room that I had left undecorated for two years, because it was supposed to be a nursery. I felt like I needed to live in the here and now, and in some odd way it is comforting to walk by that room, see a welcoming space, with pictures and life. I know that probably sounds really sad, but this is a sad thing-and yet putting some life in that room was a movement towards something hopeful.
So, we are in this place where we are grieving what we cannot have, at least at the present, and considering other avenues, namely adoption. I never in a million years thought this would be our story, but it is, and I am trying with all my heart to let it unfold.
so you can pray for us, or ask God to help us- we need it in all kinds of ways.
8 comments :
I am praying and love you.
Thank you for including us in your journey. We're praying, too.
we are praying, too. i love you. and the song gillian...i found it last week and it is my new favorite! we really are sisters :)
thanks yall.
camille- thanks for calling yesterday.
charlotte- can we drink wine soon? like next week?
whitney- that is weird. and not all that surprising, even though I do not share your affinity for all things monogrammed:) you have good taste nonetheless!
YES! Let's get it worked out via email... I need to check my schedule that isn't supposed to have a lot on it, but somehow always does. I guess it's another one of those mysteries...
brooke,
thanks for your raw honesty in your journey...and in life in general. it always serves to encourage and refresh me (proverbs 11.25).
i am inspired by your willingness to live in the here and now and practice that in a tangible way by decorating the room. what a challenge...what a visual reminder...what a declaration!
i wrote a similar posting entitled "letting go"...and moving on, in a sense yet grieving at the same time.
glad to be present with you on the journey.
jb
oh, Brooke. i love you. thanks for these words. my prayers go with you.
I wish I had read your blog before talking to you today. I could have told you how lucky I am to have you as a friend. Your courage inspires me to think more about taking hard steps. Thanks friend. Love you~ Ash
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