i got my mac. i love it.
i'll be honest-i have been avoiding the blog. i've had alot of my mind. alot of questions. alot of frustrations. i am all over the map in my head.
i am pretty frustrated with conflict and church and general messiness. i get caught up in romantic notions that life doesn't have to be as messy as it is. that we can do the right things. that God will honor our dutiful hearts, if only we bite the bullet and do what is right. sometimes i feel like we use our brokeness as an excuse to live without caution, thought, consequences. but i know this is not alltogether true. maybe not true at all. but it still frustrates me.
and being honest- i am having a hard time with this one, too. it's hard to put yourself out there. have an opinion. offer an apology, communicate about something difficult- it opens one up to conflict. messiness. maybe even silence. if I am really honest, i hate all these things. because i can't fix it. i can't do anything to make myself feel more comfortable. i have to live and breathe the tension of life in community.
the good thing is that i know i need jesus. and sometimes words to song, become my prayer.
a pierce pettis morning prayer.
When you start to doubt if you exist
God believes in you
Confounded by the evidence
God believes in you
When your light burns so dim
When your chances seem so slim
And you swear you don’t believe in Him
God believes in you
When you rise up just to fall again
God believes in you
Deserted by your closest friends
God believes in you
When you’re betrayed with a kiss
You turn your cheek to another fist
It does not have to end like this
God believes in you
Oh everything matters if anything matters at all
Everything matters no matter how big
No matter how small
Cause God believes in you
Oh God believes in you
When you’re so ashamed that you could die
God believes in you
And you can’t do right even though you try
God believes in you
Blessed are the ones who grieve
The ones who mourn, the ones who bleed
In sorrow you sow but in joy you reap
God believes in you
Blessed are the ones who grieve
The ones who mourn, the ones who bleed
In sorrow you sow but in joy you reap
God believes in you
Oh God believes in you
4 comments :
well, at least with a mac, there is a little less that is 'broken' in your world. working on a pc reminds me of humanity's fall, working on a mac points my heart to the new heavens and new earth! :)
amen!
Okay, two things:
First, you have a Mac. I will try not to be bitter about that.
Second, I can relate to what you're saying in ways I cannot even articulate right now. Church. Conflict. Brokenness. Honesty. Messiness. Silence.
It all brings this song to mind:
"Jesus, I long for Thee, and sigh for Canaan's shore. Thy lovely face to see, and all my warfare o'er. Here billows break upon my breast, and brooding sorrows steal my rest..."
Peace to you!
Good job on getting the Mac. I wish I had one. I'm sorry about church. That's hard in so many ways. Christ be with you!
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