walking the line between faith and fear...when you cry, i taste the salt in your tears.

we're all in this thing together. these are words to a good song, as are the words of the title of this post. i have been thinking about this song today, by old crow medicine show. i think God is changing me in surprising ways. a difficult thing for me to admit at times, is how detached i live in the world. i think people check out in a myriad of ways. some run marathons. some drink. some smoke. some scrapbook. whatever works for you. i have taken a more holistic approach if you will. keep it safe. distance. try not feel....anything. don't feel love. don't feel a buzz. minimize the stimuli, stay numb.

but, as i said. things, they are a changing. the tears are starting to fall more easily. and not just for myself. but for others. i sat on a porch last nite, in the fall nite, with home-made margaritas and smokes, with people i know, and people i'd like to know better. it really was a beautiful mess. i mostly listened, and laughed some. but it was a strange laughter, the kind that brings comfort in the nite. the kind that knows when the moment is over, the sadness still lingers, but you laugh anyway, because its comfort and a gift, of sorts. and it was a gift, this nite, because i could feel every feeling with such intensity.

i am learning to live in a world where the rules are not as clear as i would like. where people feel crushed and wounded and they have no idea how to be a christian, but they are trying. i am learning that you don't always know the whole story, or the whole person, and to think you do, deprives people of the mystery and care with which they were made. I am learning that there is evil in all of us, and that God's grace can seep in, even in the foulest of human situations. I am learning.....