just write: Winter

(written in participation with "just write")

Winter is coming early. or at least it's peaking its head in for a visit. I am trying to be hospitable. I pulled the curtains and lit some candles. I managed to get one child to sleep, and swept the floors so the other could crawl without danger.

it can be dangerous around here.

I have been thinking a lot about being a mother the past few days.

I remember aching for park play dates, with friends. how pleasant that would be.

It can be.

Or it can be like today when your child is kicking hay and dust and rolling around screaming because, well, we have to leave the pumpkin patch.

It was  fun. but it wasn't like I used to dream such days would be. There is always work even in attempts at play. The shepherding. The protecting. The discipline.

And then Winter came. It was blowing up dust and raining cold drops carried by a north wind.

and we headed home.

I read and article today. over here. I wanted to hug her. thank her.

One of the reasons that I am drawn to the sacramental Church ( refer here to our Catholic Journey)- is the  idea that the ordinary is sacred.

Changing diapers. sacred.
My child's laugh. sacred.
Just being here. present. sacred.

and even Winter, and it's cold days.

sacred.

smiles

This little girl is almost 9 months old. and she is ALL smiles these days.

Amelia.

She is kind and gentle.

She talks, a lot! Lots of cooing and babble.

She loves to say "da,da,da and ma ma ma ma"

Yesterday, she started saying "fa, fa, fa!"

She will play for long periods of time with her toys.

She is starting to scoot around.

She wakes up once for milk at night.

She is not a good napper. boo.

but she is happy, which will take this momma a long way!

we love you, millie moo.

fairy princess.

I am starting to love this stage we are in. That stage where you are the main actor, and you get to be whoever you want to be.

Meet my fairy princess. 

She floats.

She dances.

She says- "I so pretty!"

I hope she will remember this.

because it's true.

Annie has been talking about hair.

and Christmas. 

and getting hair for Christmas.

sigh.

We're thinking about a wig for fun. or for real. for whatever she wants it to be.

and that's that.

become you

it's hard to become you. Sometimes I look at Annie, and I think- that's it. This is the age when we are truly "us". She is almost completely un-self aware. She is comfortable in her own skin. She doesn't know the world is looking at her yet. She doesn't care, even if they are. She is happy, unabashedly so. And when she is sad, she is unabashedly so. When she loves, she loves fully.

the kingdom belongs to such as these.

I am almost 36, and I would give anything to be back to that place. The place where I don't care so much about what you or anyone else thinks. The place where the world is mine to gaze and find wonder in. Where people are there to love and be loved. Where God is a gift, a grace, and my relationship with him is not dependent upon what great theologians I know about or read or quote. What camp I reside in on any given day.

We don't know much about heaven, but we do know it involves a feast. I don't know if it will be sugar free or paleo or gluten free. I don't think we'll care. I think we will feel safe. relieved. loved. I am not sure I am even know what worship is, but I think we'll be doing that.

I am almost 36 and I am praying to become more like my child.

the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.