Summer!

It's Summer! We've been taking it REAL slow this week. I say that,  I was busy on the front end with work, work, work, but other than that, we really haven't left the house. We've been playing outside and napping and generally not cleaning very much.

I have finally learned that sending my children to their room is the only discipline that works, so I have been doing that a lot with the kicking and screaming ensues. Thankfully it seems to alternate between the two and a quick 5 minutes of getting all that frustratin' out seems to do the trick.

I have also resorted to snacks being peanut butter on a spoon (which my kids think is AWESOME). So that makes me awesome right?

This week I spoke with a young girl who is about to start Samford in the Fall (my alma mater). I was so excited talking to her and when I told her we didn't have a/c in our freshman dorm she looked at me like I studied by candlelight as well. I then had to take a deep breath when I realized that a.) I started college 20 years ago and b.) SHE WAS NOT BORN.

cue, midlife crisis.

In all seriousness, it was a heart heavy week, too.

One of Annie's little classmates lost her Daddy in a sudden accident. There doesn't seem anything more unjust than a little girl losing her daddy. I have been so heart broken over it, the kind that just takes your breath away. I resort to all of the psalms heart cries. why, why and more why? how long, o lord. have mercy.

None of that relieves the sadness, which is really nothing compared to their own sadness.

The only answer I have is to be present in my own life. to pray for them.

I am also losing my sweet neighbors. I am living in certain denial over this. These were the best neighbors, the kind that feel like family. We're enjoying our lazy afternoons with them as they have showing after showing.

For the record, every dear friend I have met in this town moves to Texas, This is #3!!!! I have got one covering the border towns, one in dfw area, and now this one moving to the Texas Hill Country. We almost have the state covered, so NO MORE FRIENDS MOVING.

Well, that's about it. Week 1 of Summer under our belt.

Happy Friday:)

quiet

it's very quiet right now which makes me think my chilrin are up to no good. I am not done with my coffee and Dora is here to babysit, so it's all good. That Dora, teaching my kids to be bilingual.  How can I ever thank her?

So, it may be too soon to write about this, but I break enough rules on a daily basis anyway, so what the heck.

One of the more beautiful and challenging things we have thought through since becoming Catholic has been the theology of life. family. and children. This is all woven together, but you get my drift. I know, eyes rolling as you imagine the Duggers, with all 19? 20? Who knows how many children. That's a lot. I am too old for all that, but anyway…

So the happy news is that I was pregnant, and then the sad news is that I wasn't. Yes, we had a early miscarriage over the weekend. Yes, it was sad. And yes, I am doing ok.

We had decided in early January that we would trust God and be open to expanding our family. If you have been on my journey at all,  as in the puking for 9 months journeys with both of my girls, you know this decision was made in much trepidation. If you've been on this blog for a LONG time, you also know about the 3 years we cried out for a baby.

God gave us these beautiful girls. And the chapter just didn't seem to be closed.

As we made the decision, I felt my heart become at peace. This happens, not all the time, but often, when we give our trust to God and not ourselves.

And then the test was positive, several months later. I was scared. happy. really scared.

And then sad.

There are so many questions? You open your heart, and then it gets filled with a difficult burden.

You open your heart to life, but only to lose it?

These things are a mystery, but like all suffering, it also makes me closer to Christ. Our suffering is never alone in the Cross. It is always shared.

So that's it. I feel at peace. I am reasonably sad, and then life carries on. We all hold hands together.

I really love this little blog that I found, and I think you might like this video. Enjoy!
(disclaimer- this is not  anti- protestant propaganda. you may disagree with some things she says. that's ok. let's all be friends:)

dear spring

Hello out there! This is me today. My school girl. My coffee. Millie is somewhere peeing on the floor, because, well potty training aint really her thang. I keep thinking she will eventually tire of it. I have completely quit caring, which seems to mostly be working- or not.

Let's see, I went down to working one night a week instead of two, which has been amazing, except for the pay check. This has turned out to be highly motivating for my photography business. I have decided to go for it for real, one last time. I also started a wedding business with a friend, and we are getting business, but these things are slow going, and I am just trusting that the hard work will pay off eventually. I am taking things like marketing courses and learning about SEO. This all makes my head explode, but the creative pay off is worth it. I hope anyways.

I was able go to Mass all by myself this past Sunday, and this fabulous priest was visiting. When I went to mass, I was able to kneel for once without Annie licking the pews (yes, this happens) and I found myself praying- jesus. make me better. make me better for my kids. make be better for josh. for all of humanity, just make me better.

Then priest preached on woman at the well. 

and living water.

and giving people dignity.

and I thought about the little lady I sat with a few nights earlier at work. A woman in her 60's who had lost her mental game from a stroke. I spent most of the night telling her there was no cat in the room, and no peanut butter crackers in her bed. Then she would have these moments as I was watching "island hunters" on hgtv, and she would be like "must be nice", and I was like, "yep". At one point she looked at me and said, "this is not good." And I knew what she meant. This woman, this really young woman by all accounts, was basically in mental limbo, and a shadow of her old self. And I was sad.

jesus, make me better.

And then the offering came, and the choir sang "Give me Jesus", and I thought this might have been a better prayer. and then I thought, maybe this was the answer to my prayer.

I guess it doesn't really matter, because Jesus met me there.

Millie turns 3!

I was in a state of shock for the first year of Annie's life, with Millie I caved early, melted into a puddle, and decided not to fight it.

It's been such a joy to watch our little Millie come out of her shell this year. She speaks so well that sometimes I forgot she was only 2! She speaks with a little lisp, and sings night and day about the fact that "SHE IS THE PRINCESS". In other words, we best not forget it.

Amelia loves her "fings".  That is, her lovies, her blankies, her dolls. She wants them all, right next to her. She is a sweet balance of baby and independence. She wants to be in charge, but she still wants you to get her out of the bed. I am ok with that.

She's not potty trained, and that is entirely my fault. I have a million excuses, none that are good. We'll get there.

I kept Millie home this year, so we've spent many a day tromping throughout Tulsa. She's been my little side kick, and it's been good for us.

With that said, HELLLOOO Mom's day out. Yes, We'll be seeing you next Fall.

I've really enjoyed seeing Millie and Annie form a friendship. Millie always asks about Annie throughout the day, and I feel so thankful they have each other.

Sisters are the best.

It is strange to feel so connected to these little beings, and yet they still remain kind of a mystery.

Millie seems to be athletically inclined, but she loves to dance. Where will this life take her and her talents?

These are the kind of things that weigh on my heart. Will I be in tune enough to her gifts to encourage them and help her (and Annie) pursue them? So much of life seems to be about finding our way-  I just want to be the best advocate for my girls that I can be.

So there you go. She's three.