Annie's heart

Millie fell asleep today, and Annie would not leave her side. She said, "I will watch over her until she wakes up." I adore moments when I capture someone, anyone, in their glory. Annie is that kind of person, she will TAKE CARE OF YOU. She's a sinner, too. I deal with that every day, just like every other human. That is the thing we always fight against. That is thing that exhausts me, makes me sad. But then, you have this moment and all the rest of the hard moments fly away, and you see, really see someone the way God made them. So beautiful and so thankful God gives us these windows- ones that are so often dim, become so clear. God makes beautiful things.

Alopecia and Annie

I don't write too terribly much about Annie's Alopecia. My father told me early on to treat it at normal as we could, and I intuitively wanted to do the same thing, and for the most part,  we have. It's been a silent grieving, never wanting to make Annie feel like her Alopecia made us sad. There will be time for this, when Annie does her own grieving. We will not be afraid to share that with her, but for now, we share in the joy that is Annie. The most cheerful spirit I have ever met.

But with this joy, comes the incredible challenge that I share with all mommas trying to raise their little girls, and that is the issue of identity and beauty and how to make that a healthy relationship. 

We made the decision this year to get Annie her first custom hair piece. I wasn't sure if she would wear it, want to wear it, etc, but I felt certain I wanted her to have the choice. This has been a complicated choice, as the megaphone message in the alopecia world is that "bald is beautiful" or "You are beautiful  just the way you are". Is this not the message we try to teach all of our little people? Is this not the truth we try and preach to ourselves? 

And yet, for arguments sake.

God made my hair darker than it is, and now greying. I color it, not because I find my value in highlights, but I happen to like my hair a little lighter.

We don't look at a child, say, which a missing leg or hand, and prohibit a prosthetic. We thank SCIENCE! We thank God things like this exist. These kids get a chance to push back brokenness. They get a chance to WALK. to WRITE. 

Say what you will, but we all want a little bit of normal.

Our choice to get Annie a hairpiece was not a desire to cover up her sweet little bald head. It was an effort to give Annie the gift  of a little bit of normal.

I picked up Annie from school the other day, and she was laughing with her friend. They had the same bow, and ever since, Annie has been begging me to braid her "hair". I get to do that now, and it brings us both joy. We are also at the age where kids are mean. This is somewhat protected at her school, but it is not in the big bad world. Annie has gotten picked on at our gym, when a little boy repeatedly told her she was a boy because she was bald. The hair piece has given her some armor. She doesn't always need her armor, but it's hers if she wants it.

Annie is beautiful. But not because she is bald. Bald does not make her beautiful. God makes her beautiful. She may decide one day that wigs are not for her, or she may thank God every day that such things exist. We navigate those choices now, because she is a young child, but she we eventually make her own.

I know, not a super exciting post, but it was on my mind...

why hello?

My goodness, it has been a long time! I've been posting a bit more regularly on my photo blog, but I like this old place, which has now been in existence for almost 10 years. We have been in Tulsa for 5 and 1/2 years, which feels so crazy. It feels like it is becoming home, as I settle in to life here, and my sweet family. The days are often long, and I wish I were closer to the people that know me best, but I have resisted fighting so much to leave and make a new life somewhere, and found some peace in the surrender.

My little Annie just turned 5. F I V E!!!! She is a sweet little soul, and I feel like I hit a major parenting milestone the other day, when I realized I was handling her ALL WRONG. With a simple change in my communication, we have had a major turn around in the discipline area of our life, and I feel like I might not lose my mind anymore. And it is true that you are hardest on your first borns. I am astounded by what I expect from her sometimes, like how dare you fall and scrape your knee? That is SO inconvenient!!!!

So, it turns out, we are both having our character formed. I keep thinking, I will be done that part of my life, but not so much.

I really am dim sometimes.

But back to Annie. We had a Princess Birthday Party, and it was a blast! I hemmed and hawed about having a birthday party with friends and games and whatnot. I have "issues" with birthday parties. My birthday is on a holiday, which for some reason has always made me incredibly insecure. I never wanted to have birthday parties on New Years Eve. There seemed to be so much pressure, I just wanted to blend in. Crazy that a gazillion years later, I am tempted to pass those fears on to my child, who is also holiday-ish baby! I kept thinking, people will be busy, let's just do family, I am not sure I am good at parties.

And then I realized how stupid I was being, and that all this girl really wanted was a birthday party, and she would probably be elated if one person came. I put my fears and insecurities aside, and well, it was a great party, and Annie felt celebrated and loved, and I felt humbled by it all. Several of the moms commented on what a great party it was, and I felt like our heart for hospitality made its way into a birthday party.

And so, I take another deep inhale, as we march towards Christmas. Advent is mostly a blur, but we are trying, ever trying to be intentional in our traditions. It's not perfect, but we try.

As we head towards the end of the year, I am thankful for the ways God has been faithful, and with us. We don't really deserve it, and I struggle to believe on a daily basis.

And let me not forget to mention our sweet Amelia. She's as cute as a cupcake, and witty and sneaky. She loves high heals and dora underwear. We are potty training, but I forget half the time and she pees on floor pretty much every day. With Annie, I was so systematic,  but with Millie? not so much.

Merry Christmas dear friends. love to all...

Brooke

real life. building contentment.

I have a friend who posts real life photos, which is nice and refreshing. I just got a new (to me) full frame dslr, which happens to take photos that make my heart leap. But, to keep the beauty from going to my head, I give you my kitchen. My lived in, dirty most of the time, kitchen.

It's raining, and we're baking cookies, because I needed one.

That white bowl in the sink. Yeah, that's week old chili.

Monday.