more birthday...

Millie, on your 2nd birthday. a day late.

Dear Millie,

I don't know how you are 2, but you are.

You are starting to sing so well, and you carry a good tune, girl! You are so funny- I can already tell you are going to keep us laughing. You are always trying to "get" us or your sister- it is hilarious to watch.

You are a really good sleeper unless your ears are hurting- for this I am so thankful.

You are definitely getting feisty. Hello terrible 2's! So far, not so bad, but you are busy and not containable at this point, so we don't go out much unless it is at a park, or some place I can convince you that the stroller is a good idea. I mean, yes, we make our grocery runs and what not, but dinners out are on hold for awhile. It just shaves about 5 years off my life every time we attempt to do it!

However, I did finally release my crazy over protective whatever, and let you and Annie play for an hour in the chick-fil-a playroom while I sipped on tea and talked to my friend. It was nice, actually, and I may have just created a monster. we'll see.

but hey, it's feb, and we've got at least another month of dealing with cold weather, and well, we just do what we have to do.

You continue to love shoes, particularly the sparkly hand me downs from addison that are at least 3 sizes too big.

You also love being naked.

sigh.

All in all, you are just a really happy little kid, with a strut in her step. A friend of mine called you the "sheriff", and I think that's pretty accurate. You just like to survey the scene and make sure everyone is doing the right thing:)

Oh Millie, how I love you so. I could kiss those chubby cheeks and knees all day long. We all are quite smitten with you and can't wait to see your little story unfold.

and your sister, she just loves you to pieces. She calls you "Millia", which I love. I hope you will be best friends. There is nothing like a sister.

Let's not forget your favorite book, "llama llama red pajamas". I love this book, too. and how much you love "gogurt" , salsa, and cheese dip. and how could I forget the ever growing list of necessary objects it takes to get you to bed. paci, lovie, blankie, bear, puppy and sippy cup. And you will wake me up at all hours of the night if one has been lost.

I'm sure there is more, but there you have the highlights.


hugs and kisses. all my love.

mama

courage

Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage- Brene Brown

I know Brene Brown is all the rage, and I have been meaning watch one of her TED talks when I have the time, and I actually did start the other day, but got distracted. I did hear this quote, though, and I have been thinking about it  a lot, because vulnerability, though you would think I would be comfortable with it given my claim to such a life on this blog- in actuality terrifies me, and is something I am only beginning to really face.

and the idea that it could be courage, to stand in the face of vulnerability and wade in its waters, its scary, unknown, naked waters, and call it courage and not fear.

well, that's just a bit mind blowing to me.

Something happened to me when I had my girls. It actually started when I married Josh, but it exploded with my offspring.

This notion of love. love that is deep and vulnerable.

The love that feels like my heart may never not ache again at the mere thought of losing them.

It's in those vulnerable moments, when I am gasp, can hardly take in a breath, and I wonder if all this love is worth that feeling.

love much means the possibility to lose much. 

and that is vulnerable.

and to do it anyway? 

courage?

that's empowering.

maybe, just maybe I don't have to be so scared to love these people.

there is another piece to this, and I am not familiar enough with Brene Brown to know about her spiritual background. 

But for me, such courage would only find it's possibility in Christ.

In God's own love for me. 

In God's own vulnerable moment, in letting Christ die.

"so that I may never more call their sins to mind" (Hebrews 10:17)

Anyway, I wading and pondering, yall. trying to rest in vulnerability as courage not weakness, and asking Jesus to help me.

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