smiles

This little girl is almost 9 months old. and she is ALL smiles these days.

Amelia.

She is kind and gentle.

She talks, a lot! Lots of cooing and babble.

She loves to say "da,da,da and ma ma ma ma"

Yesterday, she started saying "fa, fa, fa!"

She will play for long periods of time with her toys.

She is starting to scoot around.

She wakes up once for milk at night.

She is not a good napper. boo.

but she is happy, which will take this momma a long way!

we love you, millie moo.

fairy princess.

I am starting to love this stage we are in. That stage where you are the main actor, and you get to be whoever you want to be.

Meet my fairy princess. 

She floats.

She dances.

She says- "I so pretty!"

I hope she will remember this.

because it's true.

Annie has been talking about hair.

and Christmas. 

and getting hair for Christmas.

sigh.

We're thinking about a wig for fun. or for real. for whatever she wants it to be.

and that's that.

become you

it's hard to become you. Sometimes I look at Annie, and I think- that's it. This is the age when we are truly "us". She is almost completely un-self aware. She is comfortable in her own skin. She doesn't know the world is looking at her yet. She doesn't care, even if they are. She is happy, unabashedly so. And when she is sad, she is unabashedly so. When she loves, she loves fully.

the kingdom belongs to such as these.

I am almost 36, and I would give anything to be back to that place. The place where I don't care so much about what you or anyone else thinks. The place where the world is mine to gaze and find wonder in. Where people are there to love and be loved. Where God is a gift, a grace, and my relationship with him is not dependent upon what great theologians I know about or read or quote. What camp I reside in on any given day.

We don't know much about heaven, but we do know it involves a feast. I don't know if it will be sugar free or paleo or gluten free. I don't think we'll care. I think we will feel safe. relieved. loved. I am not sure I am even know what worship is, but I think we'll be doing that.

I am almost 36 and I am praying to become more like my child.

the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

there is no perfect place

I was able to go to church this Sunday. It was really good. We love our priest and feel nourished on this unexpected path.

We chose the specific church we are at, to go through this process, because we really connected with the priest and felt like this would be a safe, not threatening place to be. This has proven to be true.

We did not choose this church for the jazzy-ish music.

The reality for me, unfortunately, when it comes to music, lies in two extremes. I am pretty much only going to be satisfied in an entirely acoustic, one guitar and a violin kind of scenario, or a cathedral choir. Everything in between just feels cheesy, which is pretty much most churches in America. Catholic or Protestant.

We'll find our way, and this place is our home for now. I will suffer through the jazz mass. one chord at a time.

hugs and kisses.