mary

saying prayers for my sweet grandmother mary tonight. She had a seizure/heart attack today in the company of her closest friends. There was a defibrillator on site and someone who knew cpr- the two combined saved her life. She's resting in the hospital tonight and getting tuned up a bit for a cardiac cath tomorrow. Will know a bit more after the cath re: damage, blockages, etc...Praying the damage was minimal, that no surgery will be necessary, and that she can resume her very full life.

If you have ever met my grandmother, you know she is a force to be reckoned with. She's dodged many a bullet in this life- but the people who love her refuse to let her leave us. She told my mother that she died today. She felt the worst pain of her life, which is saying a lot.

Mostly I am just so thankful for that couple who was married 50 years today, and the party they threw, and that my grandmother was there, among so many people that she loved. She would have most likely been alone this afternoon, resting after a morning at church. The outcome would have been much different. I do not always understand the mercy of God, how it befalls so generously at times, and other times seems so distant. I am thankful that it was near today.

Needless to say, there was about an hour today when we knew very little, and I was trying to figure out how to face a day I have dreaded for as long as I can remember. I love that lady, and am utterly thankful for her life. I am so glad I got to hear her voice a few minutes ago.

"I'm here", she said.

26 weeks

I should probably document this pregnancy (besides all the moaning), just a little bit, for the sake of memories. So here I am, 26 weeks. Or 12 weeks from delivering (God willing). I'll hopefully find out tomorrow what our actual surgery date is. I am pushing for 38 weeks. I have no desire to go into labor again, which means, of course, that I will- but anyway....

Amelia continues her acrobatics. And the contractions seems to come on in the afternoon, after I have chased Annie all day and what not. All in all, I pretty much stink at the pregnancy bit, no news there.

As for cravings. Slightly sweetened iced tea. peppermint patties. potato soup and bread from Panera. Occasionally mexican. But mostly it is just wherever the wind blows my appetite, which is in many assorted directions. Josh is LOVING it. (not)

getting closer

I am at the point in this pregnancy, where the nights seem to last forever. Between Amelia karate chopping me for the first two hours, and Annie waking up 5 times, and me being supported by large number of pillows....well, you get my drift.

I hit a point of weariness this weekend. and there were tears. Tears because though I am not "sick" anymore, I still am fairly picky about what I feel like eating, and would prefer a feeding tube at this point. Tears for lack of sleep and a karate chopping baby in utero. Tears for Annie because she is sick and needy, and bald- and all of those things I wanted to change. Tears because I find this stage of life incredibly challenging, and constant death of self is enough to warrant plenty of tears on any given day. Tears because I work night shift, and lately it just feels like torture to work ALL NIGHT LONG. Thankfully, I have had a bit of a respite, and have been off for two weeks- mostly due to luck and a low amount of babies being born in the last two weeks. Tears for home, for old friends, old churches. Tulsa continues to feel like my wilderness, and I try diligently to not wish our time here away, but I have my days, where I long for the landscape and culture of my home. my friends. my family. my history.

So there you go. Every now and then, you just have to tell it like it is. No worries, the self pity will pass, it always does. But sometimes you just miss things, and feel bad, and wish things were slightly different. That's ok.

It's a beautiful day here. We'll probably visit the dr. with hopes for a medicinal cure for sweet Annie and her little fever. PBS kids will help me survive the morning. and all will be well.

help!!!

yall- I need help with Annie's sleeping. We're all about to lose our minds. Anyone read a good book?

I think alot of this is having a cold and teething, but seriously, we're all a bit on edge around here with the lack of sleep...

and what about tossing food on the floor? NOTHING is working. Time out, slaps on the hand. If you are not RIGHT there when she is done eating, she just tosses it as far as she can.

whew, I have a very cute, strong willed human being to raise.

HELP!!!!