love the rhodes...

Today started off just right with a visit from bo and tirzah, jackson and rob....dear, dear friends from St. Louis. Thanks tirzah for letting me see your face, even for a brief morning. I miss you and your family more than I realized. have fun at the beach!

simple recipes

I found this site the other day, and made this recipe. Every recipe she posts has been cooked in her kitchen with a picture. a new favorite on the blog roll.

having a morning.

Married language is a strange and beautiful thing. Somewhere along the way, josh and I coined the phrase "having a morning"- which translates into, being alone, reading a book, having some coffee- in general, peace and quiet.

well, I was on the edge last thursday. I had a difficult week at work. I am not saying this to sound like a superhero, but being a part of a surgical team that routinely saves lives is more stress than I want in a day- most days. It has its rewards, but many days I feel the death of my own plans, my own comfort, my own life- and I think, I am done.

my dear friend cassia, and I do mean dear, says we are on a sinking pirate ship. we laugh, because you have to. but even that seems hard sometimes.

and then grace comes. (or your boss goes away for 4 days). I have lived on my porch swing for three days now. I have been reading, and being quiet, having a perpetual morning. It's been a long time since I have been able to be quiet. to actually have a coherent thought. to utter wee little prayers. I have been reading Anne Lamott's second memoir...plan b. further thoughts on faith. she says sometimes the only prayer you have is "help me. help me. save me. save me." my prayers were something like that.


I have also been reading a memoir by scott cairn and his various pilgramages to mt athos- the holy mountain. he says we pray- to glimpse a reality that is already true. I often think of prayer as begging God to change something or give me something- maybe God does those things on his own accord- but prayer allows us to "see" the reality that already is. that sounds wierd, i think, but I am working through this stuff- so forgive the progress.

here are some quotes from the reading. some things I have been chewing on.

To those who have seen The Child, however dimly, however incredulously, The Time Being is, in a sense, the most trying time of all.... w.h. auden

time and showing up, turn most messes to compost, and something surprising may grow...anne lamott

rule 1: when all else fails, follow instructions
rule 2: don't be an asshole... anne lamott

forgiveness means that it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. you're done. it doesn't necessarily mean you want to have lunch with the person.. .
anne lamott

even the long and difficult path to a life of prayer is understood to be a means of glimpsing, taking part in, living into a reality that- thank God- is already so.- Scott Cairns

it's saturday

a lovely morning out here on the porch swing. it looks like rain, which is nice. we need some rain. I had my second surgery in 6 weeks yesterday. This was much smoother. I mostly slept and watched the rest of season 2 of the OC. Season 2 was a bit shady, darker, more sad. Also, is anyone watching LOST out there? What in the world is going on with THAT show?

I did alot of internet perusing yesterday and happened upon this blog. It's a girly type blog with loads of crafty/design ideas. She is pretty cool, and not tooo mom-ish- if you are into those type of blogs you know what I mean. Some women engage in a level of domesticity that is overwhelming to me and a little over the top. I am not a mom yet, but I know myself well enough to know that my kids will not always have organic bla bla bla for snacks, and three art projects a day, and home-made toys. I also don't think I will shop at four different stores finding the best deals on tooth paste. My kids will be "well rounded"...which means, they will occasionally eat hot dogs, watch videos and eat ice cream.

I think that covers my incredibly lazy day of recovery. I plan to get outside today, clear my head, and eat something organic- because I represent the the kind of woman who loves WHOLE FOODs and MILOS.

so there.

****addendum: For the record, I prefer organic snacks, like home-made toys, and am always up for a bargain, even on toothpaste. I just can't be that GOOD all the TIME. that's all, in case I offended anyone:)