dear spring

Hello out there! This is me today. My school girl. My coffee. Millie is somewhere peeing on the floor, because, well potty training aint really her thang. I keep thinking she will eventually tire of it. I have completely quit caring, which seems to mostly be working- or not.

Let's see, I went down to working one night a week instead of two, which has been amazing, except for the pay check. This has turned out to be highly motivating for my photography business. I have decided to go for it for real, one last time. I also started a wedding business with a friend, and we are getting business, but these things are slow going, and I am just trusting that the hard work will pay off eventually. I am taking things like marketing courses and learning about SEO. This all makes my head explode, but the creative pay off is worth it. I hope anyways.

I was able go to Mass all by myself this past Sunday, and this fabulous priest was visiting. When I went to mass, I was able to kneel for once without Annie licking the pews (yes, this happens) and I found myself praying- jesus. make me better. make me better for my kids. make be better for josh. for all of humanity, just make me better.

Then priest preached on woman at the well. 

and living water.

and giving people dignity.

and I thought about the little lady I sat with a few nights earlier at work. A woman in her 60's who had lost her mental game from a stroke. I spent most of the night telling her there was no cat in the room, and no peanut butter crackers in her bed. Then she would have these moments as I was watching "island hunters" on hgtv, and she would be like "must be nice", and I was like, "yep". At one point she looked at me and said, "this is not good." And I knew what she meant. This woman, this really young woman by all accounts, was basically in mental limbo, and a shadow of her old self. And I was sad.

jesus, make me better.

And then the offering came, and the choir sang "Give me Jesus", and I thought this might have been a better prayer. and then I thought, maybe this was the answer to my prayer.

I guess it doesn't really matter, because Jesus met me there.