black and white and grey all over

perhaps one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses(these things have a way of being one in the same) is the need for things to be right and true. The expectation upon my fellow neighbor to be anything other than this is, well, well beyond what any person this side of heaven could be. Ironically, the standard upon my own soul is much less demanding. Floundering is ok when its me. Somehow I have convinced myself that my own inconsistencies are less damaging. What a hoot. And yet there is something valuable in seeing what is false. I see something in a person and I think, this is hurting you. you think you are being honest, but its really just destructive. It's love, sometimes, that drives this wanting for things to be right. Sometimes, however, the wanting for things to be right actually keeps me from people. My patience grows weak, and the stupidity of it all overwhelms the patience I need to love and the wisdom I need to see that I, too, have my own bag of tricks that hurt people, the church, God. I, in some small way, have been convinced of the value of community. There is something about food and space and people that make the world seem right again, safe, home. But then, we are people, right, and when the music fades and plates are caked over with our leftovers, something else real is revealed. the gaze starts to shift inward, and all i think about are how none of this is right, really really right. it's a mess, even, and I have had enough. So the joke is on me. What's black and white and grey all over? i think it's me.