why hello?

My goodness, it has been a long time! I've been posting a bit more regularly on my photo blog, but I like this old place, which has now been in existence for almost 10 years. We have been in Tulsa for 5 and 1/2 years, which feels so crazy. It feels like it is becoming home, as I settle in to life here, and my sweet family. The days are often long, and I wish I were closer to the people that know me best, but I have resisted fighting so much to leave and make a new life somewhere, and found some peace in the surrender.

My little Annie just turned 5. F I V E!!!! She is a sweet little soul, and I feel like I hit a major parenting milestone the other day, when I realized I was handling her ALL WRONG. With a simple change in my communication, we have had a major turn around in the discipline area of our life, and I feel like I might not lose my mind anymore. And it is true that you are hardest on your first borns. I am astounded by what I expect from her sometimes, like how dare you fall and scrape your knee? That is SO inconvenient!!!!

So, it turns out, we are both having our character formed. I keep thinking, I will be done that part of my life, but not so much.

I really am dim sometimes.

But back to Annie. We had a Princess Birthday Party, and it was a blast! I hemmed and hawed about having a birthday party with friends and games and whatnot. I have "issues" with birthday parties. My birthday is on a holiday, which for some reason has always made me incredibly insecure. I never wanted to have birthday parties on New Years Eve. There seemed to be so much pressure, I just wanted to blend in. Crazy that a gazillion years later, I am tempted to pass those fears on to my child, who is also holiday-ish baby! I kept thinking, people will be busy, let's just do family, I am not sure I am good at parties.

And then I realized how stupid I was being, and that all this girl really wanted was a birthday party, and she would probably be elated if one person came. I put my fears and insecurities aside, and well, it was a great party, and Annie felt celebrated and loved, and I felt humbled by it all. Several of the moms commented on what a great party it was, and I felt like our heart for hospitality made its way into a birthday party.

And so, I take another deep inhale, as we march towards Christmas. Advent is mostly a blur, but we are trying, ever trying to be intentional in our traditions. It's not perfect, but we try.

As we head towards the end of the year, I am thankful for the ways God has been faithful, and with us. We don't really deserve it, and I struggle to believe on a daily basis.

And let me not forget to mention our sweet Amelia. She's as cute as a cupcake, and witty and sneaky. She loves high heals and dora underwear. We are potty training, but I forget half the time and she pees on floor pretty much every day. With Annie, I was so systematic,  but with Millie? not so much.

Merry Christmas dear friends. love to all...

Brooke

real life. building contentment.

I have a friend who posts real life photos, which is nice and refreshing. I just got a new (to me) full frame dslr, which happens to take photos that make my heart leap. But, to keep the beauty from going to my head, I give you my kitchen. My lived in, dirty most of the time, kitchen.

It's raining, and we're baking cookies, because I needed one.

That white bowl in the sink. Yeah, that's week old chili.

Monday.

chicken noodle soup

I have been perfecting my chicken noodle soup. I had a scratchy throat yesterday and it seemed appropriate to fix up some savory goodness. I think I finally have it where I want it, and it's easy! Sorry no picture, you'll have to trust me...


Steps.... ( I don not have a  future in food blogging, so you know, bear with me.)

1- Buy a whole chicken, the kind where you don't have to pull gross things out of the inside, and throw it in a crock pot, legs facing "up". Fill that bad boy up with water to where it's mostly covered, add salt and pepper (you can add more later). Cook on high for 4 hours. If you are super prepared you could do low for 8, but that's not usually my situation.

2- Chop up half a onion, and 3-4 carrots. I use a mandolin for the carrots. It's my new favorite kitchen tool, and I am probably spelling it wrong.

3- Melt 2TBS butter in dutch oven or whatever you'll be making the soup in. Add onions until soft, then add carrots. I usually add my herbs at this point. I used parsley, but you could do more.

4- Take your chicken out of slow cooker, gingerly. It will probably start falling a part, so prepare your heart and tongue to not say expletives. Then, with a bowl underneath a fine colander, drain your stock. This will catch on the gross leftover things from your chicken. If you don't have a mesh strainer or colander, get creative? I am not really sure.

5- Add your chicken stock to the pot. Add half a bag of egg noodles (or whatever seems appropriate to you). Bring to a boil. cook to al dente.

6- While noodles are cooking, pull off as much chicken as you want, the dark meat will add more flavor. I saved a bunch of the white meat for another meal.

7- When noodles are cooked, at meat and throw in some frozen english peas. The peas will   thaw out almost immediately.

8- Taste. Add salt and pepper to your liking.

9- SERVE:)

this girl

I had spent a great portion of my life avoiding suffering at all costs. Suffering and vulnerability.

And then I had this girl. This girl who made me fall in love hard and fast. Having a child, for me anyway, broke my heart in a million pieces, but in all the right ways. There was never a choice for me not to love her, not to risk all my fears on her. The love was compelling. When Annie lost her hair, I was so tempted to climb back into my cave, but again, I could not. This bright, sweet face just kept beaming, and I had no choice but to embrace this path we were on.

I have no idea why Annie doesn't have hair, but I know she is complete the way God made her. I was struck with delight and sadness as Annie tried on her fancy hair piece- that ugly reality that something broke a long the way, and yet all that beams from her is delight and gratitude (not in all things, she IS 4), but in regards to her hair or non hair, Annie is much more accepting than me. She does not feel broken, she feels like herself. And that is a gift.

The people I have been brave enough to love have changed me. I risk all the potential suffering in my world to love them back. I don't always do it well, but I try. I keep trying.