"Don't own so much clutter that you will be relieved to see your house catch fire."
I have always thought of my parents as very generous. They were always generous with us as children, perhaps giving us more than we deserved or was good for us. who knows. but they were generous with letting us see the world and experience it. They were generous with our educations. with their willingness to give us freedom. they were generous with their words. As for things, we had what we needed, and I don't ever recall feeling anxious or burdened by material things. I didn't get everything I wanted, but there was never any guilt or strings attached when I did. Their generosity continues, and I am always humbled by their willingness to add to my life- and again,not just with material things, but words, advice, plane trips, dinner and time, etc. etc. etc. Perhaps my parents became adults when the good times were rolling, as there was always this positive outlook on life- not a blind, naive take on life, but the general feeling that things would be ok. things work out. there is always a way.
and so, I live my life.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately, how this positive attitude can become careless- at least for me. I am so thankful, in general, for how loosely I approach most money matters. I feel like in general, I show the restraint taught me, but I do think I can meander into carelessness. and lately, well I just feel the need to take a step back, evaluate, and show some restraint. I realized that I was spending a grand portion of the last few weeks trying to figure out how to buy things- and it was really starting to burden me.
the irony.
the reality is that I don't want money to burden me from either side. I don't want to care so much about it that I slip into greed unnoticed. I also don't want to care so little that I lose my sense of generosity or being wise and careful with what I have been given.
I do think I want to hold onto hoping that things work out. jesus talks about that, right? about not worrying about what we eat, and drink, and wear?
when my kids grow up, I am sure they will have a laundry list of things I could have done better. They'll have things they want to differently. I expect that, and hope I stay humble enough to even hope that for them. I do, however, hope they will remember that we were generous. and not generous for generous's sake. but generous because we have been given so much.
so, i am taking a step back this month. nothing new. simple meals. less eating out.
a fast of restraint.
and hopefully some peace and creativity as a result.
thanks parents. you did well.
"There are, it seems, two muses: the Muse of Inspiration, who gives us inarticulate visions and desires, and the Muse of Realization, who returns again and again to say "It is yet more difficult than you thought." This is the muse of form. It may be then that form serves us best when it works as an obstruction, to baffle us and deflect our intended course. It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings."
